Yeah, yeah, I know, I just blogged a few hours ago, but I have more to say and my day of dozing has led to a night of insomnia. Let's just hope a few minutes of unloading my random musings will help me go to sleep. Well, that and a sleeping pill.
Since I've been a reluctant hermit, I've been watching a lot of TV. A LOT OF TV. At least, a lot for me. Apparently DH grew up with the TV on all the time, so if he's here, the TV's on. I, on the other hand, lived in a home where the TV was only on if you were watching it and the only time you watched during the day was if you were sick. Besides, DH had cable and I didn't, so it's not like there was anything on to watch anyway. Kind of funny, though, my grandmother who babysat me when I was little always had the TV on, it seemed. Today, The Price is Right, the noon news, various soap operas, and The Andy Griffith Show are burned in my memories of being at her house.
When DH is here, we usually watch stuff he wants to watch, or that we both want to watch. I don't subject him to Teen Mom and he doesn't subject me to UFC (re-runs and that stupid Ultimate Fighter...I like the PPV fights and the 5 minutes during the Ultimate Fighter where they actually FIGHT). I DVR Dateline and 48 Hours on ID and watch those pretty regularly. I'm not sure why I enjoy them so much but I do enjoy true crime stories and seeing how they actually solve cases. Sometimes I see cases on there that I wonder if the person convicted really did it. Anyway, I find it fascinating, kind of like how I felt about CSI before the new wore off. And before they started CSI: Miami with that bag of douche David Caruso. I had to Google just now to get his name (must be the chemo). I swear, if I have to see that guy take off or put on his sunglasses one more time while pausing dramatically mid-pun, I might go postal.
But crime shows are not all I've been watching...I've also been checking out some of the new TV shows. Now I don't mean just the brand new ones, but new episodes of old shows too. I pretty much DVR everything because I hate commercials that much, so I'm talking about stuff that may be a week or two old. And I still have some new stuff that I haven't watched yet. Blah, blah, whatever, here's my opinions, in no particular order.
The Office: I've never seen the British version but just like most things we steal from them, theirs is probably funnier. Last season of The Office was pretty blah and when Pam and Jim got married the show jumped the shark (if you don't know what that means Google it). But last week...damn near unwatchable. I haven't deleted it from my DVR timers yet, and I'm still following Rain Wilson on Twitter, but it's treading on thin ice. Its only salvation...the cameos by Kathy Bates. OMG she's freakin hilarious!!
Mike and Molly: I missed the first episode but I watched episode 2 tonight and it was FUNNY! The fat jokes weren't too bad, I realize that's the underlying theme of the show, but they just bordered on too many, in my opinion. And that sweater would have been ugly on anyone, fat or not. I've loved Melissa McCarthy ever since she was on Gilmore Girls so she's the reason I set a timer, but apparently the guy, Billy Gardell is a comedian. So is this like another Everybody Loves Raymond or Seinfeld? Who knows, but so far so good, I'll keep watching.
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: I've only watched one episode of the new season and it didn't hold my attention very well. Hopefully it'll pick up because generally I freakin love this show!! Those 5 people are the most despicable, unlikeable characters and yet, at least sometimes, you almost cheer for them. Sweet Dee and Mac are married in real life and I'm glad they haven't either gone there on the show or lost their chemistry for pissing each other off. Who knows, it may have been the drugs that was causing my short attention span.
iCarly: Yeah, I know, this is a kids show on Nick but for a kids show on Nick it's pretty good. The main characters have good chemistry and even though they are teenagers, the topics are not too mature for my six-year-old daughter, who's a HUGE fan. I never would have watched it if not for her, and it's not like I'm watching it by myself, but if it's on, I'll watch it. Just don't tell NumberOneSon.
Tosh.0: I made the mistake of letting NOS watch this with me and now he's hooked too. Who would think some comedian making fun of YouTube videos would be so funny? But his comments are so snarky and at times so borderline racist you just can't stop watching. It cracks me up that he'll actually GO there, you know. Most people won't. Plus Daniel Tosh is well, cute. I can't quite put my finger on what it is that makes him cute but yeah, I'm crushin a little. Don't tell DH.
Glee: Yep, I'll admit it, I'm a Gleek. Or whatever you wanna call a fan. LOVE IT! Especially the Journey medley they took to competition to end last year. And Jane Lynch...she is just a riot!! I <3 her!! They sang more current stuff in the first episode, and since I watched the MTV VMAs (DVR'd, finally got to it over the weekend) and I didn't know who half the artists were and hated most of what I heard, I really hope they don't stay too current or I may have to mute!
Friday Night Lights: I don't think it's on right now, and at first I wasn't sure what to think of the route the writers had taken with this season...Coach Taylor moving to Dillon East, all the racial stuff, etc...and then I started reading the book. I haven't finished it yet, but I have to say that last season explored issues that the book explored and the movie and the show thus far had glossed over. I missed a few episodes but I think NBC has them online, so I just need to get motivated to watch a TV show on my computer instead of my big screen TV. I'm gonna finish the book first. I won't lie...Kyle Chandler was my main draw to the first show (I fell in love with him in Homefront when I was in high school) but that first episode was all I needed to be hooked. The story was just compelling.
The Middle: I only watched this a time or two last year when I was staying in a hotel and therefore did not have DVR, but I really liked it. So I set a timer for it and it's funny!! Last week's advice from Doris Roberts to Patricia Heaton not to smother her son made me laugh out loud!! Throwback to Everybody Loves Raymond! And since I never could get enough of Janitor on Scrubs, I'm glad to see him on there too. It reminds me of Malcolm in the Middle just a little, but not in a copycat way at all. Lois was one of my all time favorite TV moms, but I think I relate to Frankie even more.
And last but not least...
$..! My Dad Says: WTF...it's SHIT, OK? Everyone knows that. I realize censors won't allow that to be said or printed out on network TV but whatever. I feel completely swindled by Shit My Dad Says. It started out as a Facebook page and a Twitter account and that's just what it was. Periodically this dude Justin would post shit his dad would say. Sometimes two posts in one day, sometimes nothing for over a week. Usually what his dad would say would involve a couple of curse words and some sort of insult to Justin, but if you looked closer it was pretty sage advice. When you get older, it seems, you are less concerned about what people think of you and more likely to say what you really think. Now I'm beginning to think that it was all a scam to build buzz for a lame ass sitcom starring William Shatner. I watched it. I haven't deleted my timer for it yet, but I was not impressed. First of all, I don't think William Shatner is enough of an asshole to pull this off. They need someone who looks like Abe Vigoda, or Abe Simpson for that matter. The dude who is the main character is just a tool and he really can't act. Nicole Sullivan and Will Sasso are hilarious as always in their supporting roles...those two have good comedic timing and chemistry. They need their own show. But not this one. I'll probably give it another chance or two, because I remember the first few episodes of Seinfeld weren't that funny and it ended up being one of my all time favorites. But I'm prepared to be disappointed.
And that's it for now, RedDirtGirl's review of the Fall 2010 TV season. Aren't you glad I have so much time on my hands.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
honesty
The past few days, in a word, have just sucked. Toward the end of last week I thought I was feeling better and then, whammo, Saturday and Sunday came around and just knocked me off my feet. I don't know if the false sense of well-being provided by steroids wore off (I was warned my my aunt) or the mucositis from the chemo has set in...I'm guessing it's a combination of both. Saturday and Sunday I got overheated and light-headed after my shower. I don't know if I was dehydrated and upright for too long or what. But both days, I got ready to go somewhere and by the time I was ready to go I didn't have the energy to leave the house.
The bad thing about chemo is that it causes all the rapidly-dividing cells in your body to die...that's how it kills cancer cells because cancer cells are dividing too quickly which causes screw-ups in the new cells which is cancer. Unfortunately, the cells in your GI tract are also rapidly dividing, so the chemo kills them too. Now I have a sore mouth and throat, which makes it hard to swallow and makes food taste funny. I also feel like I have the stomach flu...from both ends. Fortunately I've not thrown up any, but that's only because I'm popping Ativan the moment I feel sick to my stomach. Let's just say Ativan doesn't work on the other end...Remember in American Pie when Stiffler slips some Ex-Lax in Shit-brick's latte? Um, yeah, that's an accurate picture of how I was feeling a couple of times this weekend. There's just nothing like breaking out in a cold sweat...ugh, it's making me sick to my stomach just to write about it.
I managed to make it to Wal-mart and to get Miss Thang's pictures developed for school but by the time I made it home I was just done. I could barely get through the checkout line. I still need to go wig shopping and see if I can find some glutamine for my stomatitis but I'm afraid to venture too far from home. I have just been feeling rotten the past few days.
So today, I spent the day in the recliner. I feel like I've regressed. I'm hoping tomorrow is better. I realize I have to take this one day at a time and I know there are people who have it WAY worse than I do. All that doesn't really make me feel any better about myself.
I glanced back at my past couple of blog entries and realized they were missing something. At first I couldn't put my finger on it but I think I figured it out. I had initially said I was going to be honest and this may be raw and difficult to read. But I've been holding back. I've said some things that I was feeling and not all of them have been sweetness and light. But this is my blog. I'm decompressing here. Sometimes things are going to happen that piss me off. Talking about it helps. Since it seems like everyone but my mom and BeBe have quit calling me, so who exactly am I supposed to talk to? Besides, who wants to call me up and listen to me vent about my kids' clutter? Or when my 13 year old is being mouthy? Just because I have cancer doesn't mean I'm immune to my kiddos annoying the hell out of me. The difference is I used to be able to do something about it...now I don't have the energy. So when I do get the energy I have to take advantage while I can and drag out of the recliner and tell them to pick up their rooms or do their homework or quit sassing me or whatever else.
In an ideal world I'd have a nanny or a clone or something who could take over with the house and kids while I go through all this. However, it ain't happening. So I'm getting through this the best way I can. I'm not asking anyone to do anything that I wouldn't be asking them to do anyway even if I wasn't sick. I didn't have many chores when I was a kid. My mom is a perfectionist to the point that she would generally re-do anything I'd done, so what was the point of her making me do it to begin with? Now don't get me wrong, I love my mom, she was a good mom and she and my dad raised me the best they could and I think I turned out just fine. But...just because she did it one way doesn't mean I'm going to do it the same way. Sometimes I feel a little sorry for NumberOneSon because he does have a lot of responsibility at times. But you know what? He handles it, and I know in a few years when he's out of here he's going to be able to take care of himself and make good decisions. If he screws up some now, the consequences are not nearly as high as they will be in the future. There were some lessons I learned after I was an adult that I wish I would have learned as a teenager, when the stakes weren't quite so high.
Well, it's time to drag my ass out of this recliner and run to Walgreens to buy diapers for BabyBoy. I forgot to look and see if we needed them yesterday and no one told me. Oh well, maybe we'll get some ice cream too. I could go for a Frosty...
The bad thing about chemo is that it causes all the rapidly-dividing cells in your body to die...that's how it kills cancer cells because cancer cells are dividing too quickly which causes screw-ups in the new cells which is cancer. Unfortunately, the cells in your GI tract are also rapidly dividing, so the chemo kills them too. Now I have a sore mouth and throat, which makes it hard to swallow and makes food taste funny. I also feel like I have the stomach flu...from both ends. Fortunately I've not thrown up any, but that's only because I'm popping Ativan the moment I feel sick to my stomach. Let's just say Ativan doesn't work on the other end...Remember in American Pie when Stiffler slips some Ex-Lax in Shit-brick's latte? Um, yeah, that's an accurate picture of how I was feeling a couple of times this weekend. There's just nothing like breaking out in a cold sweat...ugh, it's making me sick to my stomach just to write about it.
I managed to make it to Wal-mart and to get Miss Thang's pictures developed for school but by the time I made it home I was just done. I could barely get through the checkout line. I still need to go wig shopping and see if I can find some glutamine for my stomatitis but I'm afraid to venture too far from home. I have just been feeling rotten the past few days.
So today, I spent the day in the recliner. I feel like I've regressed. I'm hoping tomorrow is better. I realize I have to take this one day at a time and I know there are people who have it WAY worse than I do. All that doesn't really make me feel any better about myself.
I glanced back at my past couple of blog entries and realized they were missing something. At first I couldn't put my finger on it but I think I figured it out. I had initially said I was going to be honest and this may be raw and difficult to read. But I've been holding back. I've said some things that I was feeling and not all of them have been sweetness and light. But this is my blog. I'm decompressing here. Sometimes things are going to happen that piss me off. Talking about it helps. Since it seems like everyone but my mom and BeBe have quit calling me, so who exactly am I supposed to talk to? Besides, who wants to call me up and listen to me vent about my kids' clutter? Or when my 13 year old is being mouthy? Just because I have cancer doesn't mean I'm immune to my kiddos annoying the hell out of me. The difference is I used to be able to do something about it...now I don't have the energy. So when I do get the energy I have to take advantage while I can and drag out of the recliner and tell them to pick up their rooms or do their homework or quit sassing me or whatever else.
In an ideal world I'd have a nanny or a clone or something who could take over with the house and kids while I go through all this. However, it ain't happening. So I'm getting through this the best way I can. I'm not asking anyone to do anything that I wouldn't be asking them to do anyway even if I wasn't sick. I didn't have many chores when I was a kid. My mom is a perfectionist to the point that she would generally re-do anything I'd done, so what was the point of her making me do it to begin with? Now don't get me wrong, I love my mom, she was a good mom and she and my dad raised me the best they could and I think I turned out just fine. But...just because she did it one way doesn't mean I'm going to do it the same way. Sometimes I feel a little sorry for NumberOneSon because he does have a lot of responsibility at times. But you know what? He handles it, and I know in a few years when he's out of here he's going to be able to take care of himself and make good decisions. If he screws up some now, the consequences are not nearly as high as they will be in the future. There were some lessons I learned after I was an adult that I wish I would have learned as a teenager, when the stakes weren't quite so high.
Well, it's time to drag my ass out of this recliner and run to Walgreens to buy diapers for BabyBoy. I forgot to look and see if we needed them yesterday and no one told me. Oh well, maybe we'll get some ice cream too. I could go for a Frosty...
Saturday, September 25, 2010
better...
Thank God, I'm feeling better today than I did last night. Unfortunately, my insomnia seems to have only been cured for one night and I tossed and turned like normal last night. I guess it's nice to know some things never change (well, too much). At this very moment, the kids and I are gathered around the TV, watching SpongeBob SquarePants and waiting for our Domino's to be delivered. Sadly, I don't think I'll be able to eat much because my stomach has been doing flip-flops all day.
I'm still reeling from the Hogs losing to Alabama. I had really hoped they'd pull it out but I guess not today. I'm beginning to think maybe I shouldn't watch them...this was the first game of the year I watched! I'm superstitious when it comes to Razorback football and full moon Saturday nights at the hospital. I'm just glad I didn't go watch it at the bar...there's no way I could have been able to contain my emotions. I never would have lived it down had I thrown a hissy fit in front of everyone. Besides, I like beer and I'm not supposed to be drinking it during chemo and sitting at the bar watching the game would probably make me want to drink a beer, especially as the Hogs were letting their lead slip away.
NumberOneSon got the yard mowed today and I'm so proud because I gave him the option of finishing tomorrow and he decided to go ahead and finish it so he wouldn't have to do it tomorrow. Very mature. He's also going to finish his paper tonight...on Saturday night!
I've been kind of mopey the past 24 hours and I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's because I thought I'd be feeling better by now. I guess I was feeling better and then I kind of started feeling worse. Sometimes I just wonder when all this will be over. I mean, I know once I finish chemo and then have my reconstruction surgery it will be over. Probably 6 months from now I will be at least close to back to normal. But for now, it just seems never ending. I get sick of not having the energy to even make a meal or clean my bathroom. Needless to say I didn't start yoga today...hopefully tomorrow. How do you explain to people that the fatigue, the recovery, waxes and wanes, some days it's better and some days it's worse. I can't really plan anything. To top it off my throat hurts and I can't tell whether it's sinus drip or chemo side effects or what. I hate just sitting around but I don't feel like doing anything else. Ugh.
I'm trying to take it one day at a time but the past couple have just been neverending.
I'm still reeling from the Hogs losing to Alabama. I had really hoped they'd pull it out but I guess not today. I'm beginning to think maybe I shouldn't watch them...this was the first game of the year I watched! I'm superstitious when it comes to Razorback football and full moon Saturday nights at the hospital. I'm just glad I didn't go watch it at the bar...there's no way I could have been able to contain my emotions. I never would have lived it down had I thrown a hissy fit in front of everyone. Besides, I like beer and I'm not supposed to be drinking it during chemo and sitting at the bar watching the game would probably make me want to drink a beer, especially as the Hogs were letting their lead slip away.
NumberOneSon got the yard mowed today and I'm so proud because I gave him the option of finishing tomorrow and he decided to go ahead and finish it so he wouldn't have to do it tomorrow. Very mature. He's also going to finish his paper tonight...on Saturday night!
I've been kind of mopey the past 24 hours and I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's because I thought I'd be feeling better by now. I guess I was feeling better and then I kind of started feeling worse. Sometimes I just wonder when all this will be over. I mean, I know once I finish chemo and then have my reconstruction surgery it will be over. Probably 6 months from now I will be at least close to back to normal. But for now, it just seems never ending. I get sick of not having the energy to even make a meal or clean my bathroom. Needless to say I didn't start yoga today...hopefully tomorrow. How do you explain to people that the fatigue, the recovery, waxes and wanes, some days it's better and some days it's worse. I can't really plan anything. To top it off my throat hurts and I can't tell whether it's sinus drip or chemo side effects or what. I hate just sitting around but I don't feel like doing anything else. Ugh.
I'm trying to take it one day at a time but the past couple have just been neverending.
Friday, September 24, 2010
plugging along
Well, I'm now four days out from my chemo and I don't think I'm doing too bad. I've only gotten queasy a couple of times and I've been drinking water, trying to eat and rest and be good. So far so good. Unfortunately, I'm getting bored hanging around the house. I like to be out and about and being a homebody is not easy for me. But according to the pages and pages of drug info I read on my chemo drugs, my white count should be the lowest 7 to 10 days out and then start climbing again. And I took the Neulasta so hopefully it won't drop too low. I kind of have a sore throat but I can't tell if it's like sinus stuff, an actual illness or just side effect from the chemo. So by this time next week, I hopefully will be back to my normal self.
NumberOneSon is at the high school homecoming football game tonight. I'm kind of jealous, it's been awhile since I've been to a high school football game. I'd love to go home and see my old alma mater play, especially since it seems they are pretty good this year. Oh, well, maybe next year. I ought to be able to make it to NOS's game next week but I'm either gonna have to get a babysitter or someone to help me chase kids at the game. They were really good at the last one but they are still way too full of energy for me to chase alone.
It really sucks when you have a lot of downtime but not a lot of energy. I look around and I see all kinds of things that I could do, that I need to do, but I don't have the energy. Even before my chemo, when I wasn't nearly as tired, I would start a little project and then not be able to finish it. So I've had all these little half projects all over the house. Ugh.
Thinking about starting yoga tomorrow. This time I bought a book with a DVD. I have to actually see the person doing it to figure it out, a picture just doesn't cut it with me. I was going to start today but I ran errands while BabyBoy was at school instead of coming home.
Good grief I'm putting myself to sleep with this boring blog. I'm sure I have a lot to say, just don't even know where to begin. So maybe I'll just begin again tomorrow.
NumberOneSon is at the high school homecoming football game tonight. I'm kind of jealous, it's been awhile since I've been to a high school football game. I'd love to go home and see my old alma mater play, especially since it seems they are pretty good this year. Oh, well, maybe next year. I ought to be able to make it to NOS's game next week but I'm either gonna have to get a babysitter or someone to help me chase kids at the game. They were really good at the last one but they are still way too full of energy for me to chase alone.
It really sucks when you have a lot of downtime but not a lot of energy. I look around and I see all kinds of things that I could do, that I need to do, but I don't have the energy. Even before my chemo, when I wasn't nearly as tired, I would start a little project and then not be able to finish it. So I've had all these little half projects all over the house. Ugh.
Thinking about starting yoga tomorrow. This time I bought a book with a DVD. I have to actually see the person doing it to figure it out, a picture just doesn't cut it with me. I was going to start today but I ran errands while BabyBoy was at school instead of coming home.
Good grief I'm putting myself to sleep with this boring blog. I'm sure I have a lot to say, just don't even know where to begin. So maybe I'll just begin again tomorrow.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Catching up...
Alright it seems that I have some stories to finish. And I'm sure I'll get to them, possibly in this entry, just depends on how much I can do with this HELLACIOUS headache. I finally got around to reading all the package inserts for my meds yesterday and it turns out "headache" is one of the major side effects of ALL of them. So I guess they are working together to make me feel like my head is going to shoot off my shoulders. I'm sure my insomnia (which leads to sleeping late and afternoon napping) and lack of morning coffee and afternoon diet Dr. Pepper have not helped. So in spite of going to sleep after 4 am, I got up about 8 and made coffee. Umm, so far it has not helped. Oh, well, it's the last day of two of the headache causers so maybe, just maybe, tomorrow it will be better. And even if it's not, it's still better than nausea/retching/dry heaving/vomiting...that is something I can do without! I have had migraines since I was 21 and I always felt worse when I couldn't catch it early enough with medication to prevent the GI upset.
OK so let's see what's going on. Thank goodness my parents decided to stay an extra day to watch Ian's football game because I needed a lot of help the first couple of days after my chemo. I just felt so...drained. So now I know to line up my child care to stay on a couple of days after, which means family, right? Good thing I've got retired parents and in-laws! I'm really hoping DH will make it home in time for the next one, although I'm not sure he should go with me or stay home with the kids. Gosh, they miss him so much when he's gone! Pinup Barber's planning to go with me to my next chemo...hopefully I'll feel good enough to eat out and maybe shop a little on our downtime.
The drug handouts said my hair loss should start in three to six weeks, so I still have a little time to get a wig. Maybe Monday when BabyBoy's at school I'll go wig shopping. Hmm, I wonder what kind I should get? I have gotten so many compliments on my short hair that I'm thinking I'll get something similar to my current hairstyle but I'm sure I need to get a Dolly wig and a pink Britney wig too! I guess it just depends on how much they cost. Maybe Dolly and Britney will come from the Halloween store...oooohhh, or maybe Elvis...or a mullet? The possibilities are endless!
I guess I should at least finish the chemo story and leave Nurse Ratched for another day. I described the lovely Barnes Barracks...but I forgot to say that Mom and I forgot to stop and get something to eat before we got there. There was NOTHING nearby to eat. And Barnes is not in the nicest area of town once you get off the grounds, so we had water for dinner. Good thing we noshed at the pizza buffet, although it was long gone by breakfast the next day.
I didn't go back and read my last entry so I may repeat some stuff so please bear with me. My chemo finally got started about 2 pm, nearly four hours after I was supposed to. I was hoping to be on the road by that time. The good thing about bringing your mom with you is, well, she's your mom. She doesn't like to see you suffer or wait or hurt so she goes into Mama Grizzly mode. And apparently that instinct doesn't disappear when your child is grown and has her own kids. I was proud of her though...she was on the verge of getting mad but she held her tongue. I tried to be as patient and accommodating as possible but come on...they couldn't even find me in THEIR waiting room, sitting where THEY told me to sit, TWICE!! Ridiculous! And I almost ran off and forgot my prescriptions at the pharmacy there and the doctor's office forgot to call in the most important one! Not to mention they didn't order the lab tests I'm supposed to have pre-chemo and they had to stick me three times instead of just twice. Good thing I have good veins and the chemo nurse realized she needed to draw blood before she placed my IV, or she may have had to stick me again.
Speaking of good veins...my hand vein that they used for chemo...not my best! Next time I'm going to tell her to use my wrist vein, it's much better. My IV was right where my wrist bends and in the right because that's the side where they only took one lymph node, so it wouldn't always run and now I have a beautiful bruise. I also have a nice one going in my AC space since they stuck me there twice. Oh, well, it's my easiest vein to hit, so even a first timer ought to be able to get it.
The chemo didn't really make me feel too bad while it was going, although I did notice a couple of the common side effects during and immediately after. But all in all I felt OK and I was able to drive us home. I know Mom was nervous about the prospect of having to drive in St. Louis, but even though we left around rush hour, we really didn't have trouble getting out of town and the trip home was relatively uneventful...except for when I realized I didn't get all my meds! The gal at the pharmacy was not the friendliest and was pretty insistent that I only had three prescriptions to pick up. I was in kind of a daze so I took her word for it, but around 6 PM I figured it out. Luckily, BFF is the assistant manager at my local pharmacy so she was able to help me get it all straightened out and transferred to her pharmacy so I could get it. That is the good thing about BFF's pharmacy, they really believe in good customer service. That's why I always go there unless it's just impossible. I even paid a little higher co-pays when I was still working and had insurance because I felt the little extra I had to pay was well worth it.
We got home around 9 PM Monday night and I was feeling pretty good...good enough to put NumberOneSon in his place since he seemed to think playing video games and staying up late and not mowing the yard while I was gone was what he was supposed to do. He's a good kid so I really think it's just 13 year old irresponsibility but I needed to get my bluff in on him while I still felt like it. Steroids! Super Mom! So by the time I chewed on his ass, then called DH and texted BFF & Kondee's Mom, I was certainly wound up. So wound up that sleep didn't come till, oh, I dunno, 4 AM? Ugh! Ridiculous! Steroids!
Tuesday and Wednesday are something of a blur, I know I took the rental car back, picked up medications, dropped off Eli at school one day, visited with my parents and DH's parents before NOS's game, watched TV, read, Facebooked and Twittered, slept, ate a little, drank some water and hot tea, and was an insomniac at night. Since today was the last day of steroids I'm hoping to get some decent sleep at night if not tonight, maybe Friday and Saturday night. John's Girl came over for Girlfriends' Coffee this morning...I am so glad I have friends who are willing to come see me, do things for me, bring me food, and just generally try to cheer me up. RC brought some awesome dinner last night...it reminds me of something my mom made when I was a kid and more of those fabulous cookies!
So how am I feeling? Well, tired since I'm not sleeping very well. I'm a little nauseated so I took half an Ativan...I'm afraid to take more since I don't know how loopy it will make me and I have to pick BabyBoy up from school. CPrez's son is in my son's class so she's helping me out with transporting him to and from school. I tell you, she's just an amazing girl...she barely knows me, but she's willing to help me out. My chest hurts off and on, I don't know if it's from the boob fill or what but I called Dr. B's nurse yesterday and she was going to call in a refill on my muscle relaxer. With the stupid liver enzymes being elevated I'm pretty much off anything with Tylenol in it, so I gotta be really miserable to bust out the Vicoden. Of course, with my fragile tummy, Aleve and Motrin are not the best choices but they're all I've got. I'm just trying to make sure I eat a little something when I take them.
Sometimes I think those side effect things are not the best thing to read. I really think I have a little hypochondriac in me and when I read about a side effect, I start feeling it. So I didn't read them for a couple of days, but when I got the headache I just couldn't shake I busted them out. Of course, being a nurse, I know the side effects of the meds I've given regularly before, mostly. Oh, well, if a headache is the worse I have, I'll be fine. I've been putting up with stupid headaches for as long as I can remember.
Well, CPrez just picked up BabyBoy and took him to school so I'm going to try to grab a little rest before I have to pick him up. I don't think I'm going to make my parenting class tonight...I hope I feel well enough for it next week because I really enjoyed it last week.
I don't know if I've said it, but I really do appreciate all the prayers, warm wishes, food, flowers, cards, friendship, companionship, donations, home repairs and gift cards. I am just so overwhelmed by the generosity of my family and friends. I know I will get through this because of all of the support you've given and I would not make it without all of you.
OK so let's see what's going on. Thank goodness my parents decided to stay an extra day to watch Ian's football game because I needed a lot of help the first couple of days after my chemo. I just felt so...drained. So now I know to line up my child care to stay on a couple of days after, which means family, right? Good thing I've got retired parents and in-laws! I'm really hoping DH will make it home in time for the next one, although I'm not sure he should go with me or stay home with the kids. Gosh, they miss him so much when he's gone! Pinup Barber's planning to go with me to my next chemo...hopefully I'll feel good enough to eat out and maybe shop a little on our downtime.
The drug handouts said my hair loss should start in three to six weeks, so I still have a little time to get a wig. Maybe Monday when BabyBoy's at school I'll go wig shopping. Hmm, I wonder what kind I should get? I have gotten so many compliments on my short hair that I'm thinking I'll get something similar to my current hairstyle but I'm sure I need to get a Dolly wig and a pink Britney wig too! I guess it just depends on how much they cost. Maybe Dolly and Britney will come from the Halloween store...oooohhh, or maybe Elvis...or a mullet? The possibilities are endless!
I guess I should at least finish the chemo story and leave Nurse Ratched for another day. I described the lovely Barnes Barracks...but I forgot to say that Mom and I forgot to stop and get something to eat before we got there. There was NOTHING nearby to eat. And Barnes is not in the nicest area of town once you get off the grounds, so we had water for dinner. Good thing we noshed at the pizza buffet, although it was long gone by breakfast the next day.
I didn't go back and read my last entry so I may repeat some stuff so please bear with me. My chemo finally got started about 2 pm, nearly four hours after I was supposed to. I was hoping to be on the road by that time. The good thing about bringing your mom with you is, well, she's your mom. She doesn't like to see you suffer or wait or hurt so she goes into Mama Grizzly mode. And apparently that instinct doesn't disappear when your child is grown and has her own kids. I was proud of her though...she was on the verge of getting mad but she held her tongue. I tried to be as patient and accommodating as possible but come on...they couldn't even find me in THEIR waiting room, sitting where THEY told me to sit, TWICE!! Ridiculous! And I almost ran off and forgot my prescriptions at the pharmacy there and the doctor's office forgot to call in the most important one! Not to mention they didn't order the lab tests I'm supposed to have pre-chemo and they had to stick me three times instead of just twice. Good thing I have good veins and the chemo nurse realized she needed to draw blood before she placed my IV, or she may have had to stick me again.
Speaking of good veins...my hand vein that they used for chemo...not my best! Next time I'm going to tell her to use my wrist vein, it's much better. My IV was right where my wrist bends and in the right because that's the side where they only took one lymph node, so it wouldn't always run and now I have a beautiful bruise. I also have a nice one going in my AC space since they stuck me there twice. Oh, well, it's my easiest vein to hit, so even a first timer ought to be able to get it.
The chemo didn't really make me feel too bad while it was going, although I did notice a couple of the common side effects during and immediately after. But all in all I felt OK and I was able to drive us home. I know Mom was nervous about the prospect of having to drive in St. Louis, but even though we left around rush hour, we really didn't have trouble getting out of town and the trip home was relatively uneventful...except for when I realized I didn't get all my meds! The gal at the pharmacy was not the friendliest and was pretty insistent that I only had three prescriptions to pick up. I was in kind of a daze so I took her word for it, but around 6 PM I figured it out. Luckily, BFF is the assistant manager at my local pharmacy so she was able to help me get it all straightened out and transferred to her pharmacy so I could get it. That is the good thing about BFF's pharmacy, they really believe in good customer service. That's why I always go there unless it's just impossible. I even paid a little higher co-pays when I was still working and had insurance because I felt the little extra I had to pay was well worth it.
We got home around 9 PM Monday night and I was feeling pretty good...good enough to put NumberOneSon in his place since he seemed to think playing video games and staying up late and not mowing the yard while I was gone was what he was supposed to do. He's a good kid so I really think it's just 13 year old irresponsibility but I needed to get my bluff in on him while I still felt like it. Steroids! Super Mom! So by the time I chewed on his ass, then called DH and texted BFF & Kondee's Mom, I was certainly wound up. So wound up that sleep didn't come till, oh, I dunno, 4 AM? Ugh! Ridiculous! Steroids!
Tuesday and Wednesday are something of a blur, I know I took the rental car back, picked up medications, dropped off Eli at school one day, visited with my parents and DH's parents before NOS's game, watched TV, read, Facebooked and Twittered, slept, ate a little, drank some water and hot tea, and was an insomniac at night. Since today was the last day of steroids I'm hoping to get some decent sleep at night if not tonight, maybe Friday and Saturday night. John's Girl came over for Girlfriends' Coffee this morning...I am so glad I have friends who are willing to come see me, do things for me, bring me food, and just generally try to cheer me up. RC brought some awesome dinner last night...it reminds me of something my mom made when I was a kid and more of those fabulous cookies!
So how am I feeling? Well, tired since I'm not sleeping very well. I'm a little nauseated so I took half an Ativan...I'm afraid to take more since I don't know how loopy it will make me and I have to pick BabyBoy up from school. CPrez's son is in my son's class so she's helping me out with transporting him to and from school. I tell you, she's just an amazing girl...she barely knows me, but she's willing to help me out. My chest hurts off and on, I don't know if it's from the boob fill or what but I called Dr. B's nurse yesterday and she was going to call in a refill on my muscle relaxer. With the stupid liver enzymes being elevated I'm pretty much off anything with Tylenol in it, so I gotta be really miserable to bust out the Vicoden. Of course, with my fragile tummy, Aleve and Motrin are not the best choices but they're all I've got. I'm just trying to make sure I eat a little something when I take them.
Sometimes I think those side effect things are not the best thing to read. I really think I have a little hypochondriac in me and when I read about a side effect, I start feeling it. So I didn't read them for a couple of days, but when I got the headache I just couldn't shake I busted them out. Of course, being a nurse, I know the side effects of the meds I've given regularly before, mostly. Oh, well, if a headache is the worse I have, I'll be fine. I've been putting up with stupid headaches for as long as I can remember.
Well, CPrez just picked up BabyBoy and took him to school so I'm going to try to grab a little rest before I have to pick him up. I don't think I'm going to make my parenting class tonight...I hope I feel well enough for it next week because I really enjoyed it last week.
I don't know if I've said it, but I really do appreciate all the prayers, warm wishes, food, flowers, cards, friendship, companionship, donations, home repairs and gift cards. I am just so overwhelmed by the generosity of my family and friends. I know I will get through this because of all of the support you've given and I would not make it without all of you.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
First chemo, part one (the part before I get to the chemo part)
I know you're just dying to hear about Nurse Ratched, part 2 (and parts 3 & 4, if I tell that many stories), but something much more monumental happened today. I had my first chemo. Only I almost didn't, and I'm glad I was thinking on my feet and had my nurse hat on this morning.
Now, if you look at the time this is posted, you will think...good grief, shouldn't she be sleeping instead of blogging in the middle of the night? Well, thanks to the miracles of modern medicine, the steroids they gave me plus the busy day have me wound up. I tried to sleep for a little while and now I'm trying to the Pooh Bear cure for insomnia...a fully tummy and an empty mind. So I've had some toast (with honey butter), I'm drinking some Sleepytime Tea, and pouring out my heart in hopes of catching a few hours of shuteye before NOS has to go to Credit Recovery an hour before school starts (don't ask).
Before my mom left when she came up to stay with the kids when I went up to St. Louis a couple of weeks ago for my allergic reaction and follow-up doctor appointments, I asked her if she would go to my first chemotherapy treatment with me. I knew DH would probably have to stay at work since he'd missed a week for my initial appointments before surgery and two weeks for my surgery and recovery. Plus I figured since she and Dad are retired they could clear up their schedule with a little less notice than most of my girlfriends. So since I knew they were coming back and in 10 days we'd be going out of town, what did I do? Well, once I started feeling better toward the end of last week, I procrastinated. Yep, that's right. Didn't give a second's thought to which car we'd drive (mine's been kinda iffy off and on), where we'd stay, rides for the kids, laundry, housecleaning, etc. I spent a couple of hours putting most the clothes away we'd washed (well, sorting them so the kids could put them away) and I'd bought a couple of things to help with organization but I didn't bother to take them out of the package, and I made a cleaning list for the kids to do Saturday. I was kind of irritated at the effort, or lack thereof, they'd been making on keeping the house somewhat neat, especially NOS. So I thought a Saturday spent doing chores instead of playing would help them remember. And off I went to help some friends move...and by "help" I mean mostly supervise, since I have a 10 pound lifting restriction. Oh well, it was nice to hang out since I really haven't gotten to in a few weeks...
So needless to say, the house was not up to my parents' exacting standards (I'm thoroughly convinced the housekeeping trait skips a generation, even if you are adopted) but it was much better than it was before. My parents arrived and we ate lunch at a pizza buffet (good thing Mom & I totally noshed, but I'll get to that later) and then I started getting ready to go. I waffled on taking my car, but after I talked to DH, he convinced me that mine might not make it there and back, and we'd be in a world of hurt if it didn't. So I talked to my GF Pinup Barber who was happy to let me borrow her much newer and nicer car. Easy, peasy, lemon...wait, not so fast. Her hubby was worried about the condition of the front tires and the nail in one of the back ones...ok, a 450ish mile round trip is probably not a good idea, then. So she came over and we started running through the list of possibilities...and the only good one seemed to be to just rent a car. So I drove a cutesy little Nissan Versa up and back...adorable and good gas mileage with lots of legroom...I may have to see if I can find something similar for myself soon.
So I got packed (forgot my glasses, my flyer for the place we were staying, my Carmex, and my eyebrow highlighter), we dropped off some paperwork at the bar and I left an unnecessarily overly detailed note of what to do with it for our day bartender, and Pinup Barber drove us to the airport to pick up the rental car. That's the bad part about leaving to go up there on Sunday...airport locations are the only one's open.
We hit the road and our trip was relatively uneventful. We got to chat about different things, some cancer-related, mostly not. It was wonderful to have so much one-on-one time with my mom this weekend. I could not tell you the last time we got to visit so much without constant interruptions. We laughed about the cruise control...every time I'd "resume" it felt like Mario Andretti took over, I mean just floored, up to over 5000 RPMs, etc. Crazy. We commented on the number of vineyards along I-44 and the seemingly never ending road construction. Finally we got to the outskirts of St. Louis and I started thinking about where I was supposed to go. I realized I hadn't brought a map with me and I wasn't 100% sure. So I called DH and he confirmed my tentative directions. Then when we got to our exit I asked Mom to get the notebook with the card for where we were staying...only it wasn't in the notebook, it was still on my baker's rack at home. So I called DH again and he Googled it and found the address and gave me some directions. Only the map he was looking at made it seem like some roads connected where they didn't, but I found it and I found where to go in and where to park.
I was kind of excited because I'd managed to score a reservation at Barnes Lodge. It was right by the hospital and for some reason I got it in my brain it was free if you were a patient. So we get in there with all our luggage (OK so there wasn't that much, it only took one trip) and the clerk hands each of us a laminated paper with information and rules on it. Both sides, fairly small print. Covers everything you can think of. And it says it's $30/night per bed. They're twin beds so that's two so that equals...$60 (no tax). OK that's not too bad, maybe more than the Motel 6 but a lot less than the Hilton. I give her the money, she makes copies of both our driver's licenses and fills out her end of the paperwork and then, she walks over to the closet and hands us our LINEN PACKET and points us to the STAIRS. Yep, that's right, we get to schlep all our luggage (OK so it was only two bags apiece plus purses, it only took one trip) upstairs and then go to our rooms and make our own beds. And get this...with two flat sheets! That's right, old school hospital corners that Mom and I learned in nursing school, nearly 30 years apart, but haven't used since because HOSPITALS USE FITTED SHEETS NOW!! At least in developed countries!!
The room managed to combine the ambiance of a Motel 6 with the comfort of a public hospital with just a touch of ancient college dorm room thrown in. Mom was a trouper, if I'd have complained at all she'd have agreed and been outta there. Blech! The beds were as cushioned as concrete, the AC made the room feel damp but it was too hot to turn it off, and the whole thing just seemed...seedy. It's what I imagine a pay-by-the-hour motel room to be like. Stay a second night? Um, no, I don't think so. I'd sleep in my car first!
We kind of slept, me better than her thanks to pharmaceuticals, and we were up early and ready to get out of there before we caught something and just get the show on the road. We were at the hospital over an hour before my lab appointment, so we had a leisurely, expensive breakfast in the hospital cafeteria. $13 for a yogurt, 2 cups of fruit, 2 coffees, and a tiny order of bacon, eggs and a biscuit and gravy. Ouch! I hope they give a good employee discount, because that seems a little spendy if you have to eat there every day.
And then we head up to the 7th floor, and that's where the fun begins! I checked in at the lab, and they gave me one of those little blinky-vibrating things like they give you when you have to wait at Chili's. It went off about 10 minutes later and the MA had no trouble drawing blood out of my ginormous AC. I'm not kidding, you could hit that thing blindfolded with one arm tied behind your back from 10 paces. We went across to the doctor's office and checked in and even though I sat where the told me to, the MA had trouble finding me.
She gets us back into the room and the hits just keep on coming. My home med list on the computer was all wrong...but only because it had all the stuff on it that was about to be prescribed...so she started deleting stuff. About half way through I figured that out and stopped her. The Dr. M's fellow came in. Nice guy, introduced himself (although I don't remember his name), asked me some questions, told me my liver enzymes on my labs two weeks ago were out of whack, examined me, and then told me no chemo today and I needed to have a CT of my chest, abdomen, and pelvis (with and without IV and PO contrast, I found out later!) before we could start chemo. He was worried that I had either liver mets or hepatitis. Even though I had NO symptoms of either. So I told him two weeks ago I was still taking a lot of pain meds, especially things with acetaminophen in them, since I wasn't jaundiced, my bili wasn't elevated and my liver was not palpable, not to mention my nodes were negative and my surgeon got clear margins, could we PERHAPS recheck labs before we do an expensive and uncomfortable test (OK so it's probably not that bad, I was just thinking about the contrast) and postpone my chemo, especially since we drove almost 4 hours!! He wasn't convinced, but when my doctor came in, I started in on her too and talked her into it!!
Guess what...when they drew labs...still elevated but trending down...big surprise! If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, quit looking for evidence it's a cow before you exhaust all possibilities it's a duck!! I was released to go back to the treatment center and get another blinky-vibrating thing, and this time, since it was over an hour past my appointment time, I got to wait much longer. Then we went to the pod, got my IV but I needed MORE LABWORK!! so she had to wait on it before she could start my chemo. Finally just before two, it got started.
And that's where I'm going to have to stop for now. Apparently the Winnie-the-Pooh cure for insomnia worked and now I can barely hold my eyes open or complete a thought.
Now, if you look at the time this is posted, you will think...good grief, shouldn't she be sleeping instead of blogging in the middle of the night? Well, thanks to the miracles of modern medicine, the steroids they gave me plus the busy day have me wound up. I tried to sleep for a little while and now I'm trying to the Pooh Bear cure for insomnia...a fully tummy and an empty mind. So I've had some toast (with honey butter), I'm drinking some Sleepytime Tea, and pouring out my heart in hopes of catching a few hours of shuteye before NOS has to go to Credit Recovery an hour before school starts (don't ask).
Before my mom left when she came up to stay with the kids when I went up to St. Louis a couple of weeks ago for my allergic reaction and follow-up doctor appointments, I asked her if she would go to my first chemotherapy treatment with me. I knew DH would probably have to stay at work since he'd missed a week for my initial appointments before surgery and two weeks for my surgery and recovery. Plus I figured since she and Dad are retired they could clear up their schedule with a little less notice than most of my girlfriends. So since I knew they were coming back and in 10 days we'd be going out of town, what did I do? Well, once I started feeling better toward the end of last week, I procrastinated. Yep, that's right. Didn't give a second's thought to which car we'd drive (mine's been kinda iffy off and on), where we'd stay, rides for the kids, laundry, housecleaning, etc. I spent a couple of hours putting most the clothes away we'd washed (well, sorting them so the kids could put them away) and I'd bought a couple of things to help with organization but I didn't bother to take them out of the package, and I made a cleaning list for the kids to do Saturday. I was kind of irritated at the effort, or lack thereof, they'd been making on keeping the house somewhat neat, especially NOS. So I thought a Saturday spent doing chores instead of playing would help them remember. And off I went to help some friends move...and by "help" I mean mostly supervise, since I have a 10 pound lifting restriction. Oh well, it was nice to hang out since I really haven't gotten to in a few weeks...
So needless to say, the house was not up to my parents' exacting standards (I'm thoroughly convinced the housekeeping trait skips a generation, even if you are adopted) but it was much better than it was before. My parents arrived and we ate lunch at a pizza buffet (good thing Mom & I totally noshed, but I'll get to that later) and then I started getting ready to go. I waffled on taking my car, but after I talked to DH, he convinced me that mine might not make it there and back, and we'd be in a world of hurt if it didn't. So I talked to my GF Pinup Barber who was happy to let me borrow her much newer and nicer car. Easy, peasy, lemon...wait, not so fast. Her hubby was worried about the condition of the front tires and the nail in one of the back ones...ok, a 450ish mile round trip is probably not a good idea, then. So she came over and we started running through the list of possibilities...and the only good one seemed to be to just rent a car. So I drove a cutesy little Nissan Versa up and back...adorable and good gas mileage with lots of legroom...I may have to see if I can find something similar for myself soon.
So I got packed (forgot my glasses, my flyer for the place we were staying, my Carmex, and my eyebrow highlighter), we dropped off some paperwork at the bar and I left an unnecessarily overly detailed note of what to do with it for our day bartender, and Pinup Barber drove us to the airport to pick up the rental car. That's the bad part about leaving to go up there on Sunday...airport locations are the only one's open.
We hit the road and our trip was relatively uneventful. We got to chat about different things, some cancer-related, mostly not. It was wonderful to have so much one-on-one time with my mom this weekend. I could not tell you the last time we got to visit so much without constant interruptions. We laughed about the cruise control...every time I'd "resume" it felt like Mario Andretti took over, I mean just floored, up to over 5000 RPMs, etc. Crazy. We commented on the number of vineyards along I-44 and the seemingly never ending road construction. Finally we got to the outskirts of St. Louis and I started thinking about where I was supposed to go. I realized I hadn't brought a map with me and I wasn't 100% sure. So I called DH and he confirmed my tentative directions. Then when we got to our exit I asked Mom to get the notebook with the card for where we were staying...only it wasn't in the notebook, it was still on my baker's rack at home. So I called DH again and he Googled it and found the address and gave me some directions. Only the map he was looking at made it seem like some roads connected where they didn't, but I found it and I found where to go in and where to park.
I was kind of excited because I'd managed to score a reservation at Barnes Lodge. It was right by the hospital and for some reason I got it in my brain it was free if you were a patient. So we get in there with all our luggage (OK so there wasn't that much, it only took one trip) and the clerk hands each of us a laminated paper with information and rules on it. Both sides, fairly small print. Covers everything you can think of. And it says it's $30/night per bed. They're twin beds so that's two so that equals...$60 (no tax). OK that's not too bad, maybe more than the Motel 6 but a lot less than the Hilton. I give her the money, she makes copies of both our driver's licenses and fills out her end of the paperwork and then, she walks over to the closet and hands us our LINEN PACKET and points us to the STAIRS. Yep, that's right, we get to schlep all our luggage (OK so it was only two bags apiece plus purses, it only took one trip) upstairs and then go to our rooms and make our own beds. And get this...with two flat sheets! That's right, old school hospital corners that Mom and I learned in nursing school, nearly 30 years apart, but haven't used since because HOSPITALS USE FITTED SHEETS NOW!! At least in developed countries!!
The room managed to combine the ambiance of a Motel 6 with the comfort of a public hospital with just a touch of ancient college dorm room thrown in. Mom was a trouper, if I'd have complained at all she'd have agreed and been outta there. Blech! The beds were as cushioned as concrete, the AC made the room feel damp but it was too hot to turn it off, and the whole thing just seemed...seedy. It's what I imagine a pay-by-the-hour motel room to be like. Stay a second night? Um, no, I don't think so. I'd sleep in my car first!
We kind of slept, me better than her thanks to pharmaceuticals, and we were up early and ready to get out of there before we caught something and just get the show on the road. We were at the hospital over an hour before my lab appointment, so we had a leisurely, expensive breakfast in the hospital cafeteria. $13 for a yogurt, 2 cups of fruit, 2 coffees, and a tiny order of bacon, eggs and a biscuit and gravy. Ouch! I hope they give a good employee discount, because that seems a little spendy if you have to eat there every day.
And then we head up to the 7th floor, and that's where the fun begins! I checked in at the lab, and they gave me one of those little blinky-vibrating things like they give you when you have to wait at Chili's. It went off about 10 minutes later and the MA had no trouble drawing blood out of my ginormous AC. I'm not kidding, you could hit that thing blindfolded with one arm tied behind your back from 10 paces. We went across to the doctor's office and checked in and even though I sat where the told me to, the MA had trouble finding me.
She gets us back into the room and the hits just keep on coming. My home med list on the computer was all wrong...but only because it had all the stuff on it that was about to be prescribed...so she started deleting stuff. About half way through I figured that out and stopped her. The Dr. M's fellow came in. Nice guy, introduced himself (although I don't remember his name), asked me some questions, told me my liver enzymes on my labs two weeks ago were out of whack, examined me, and then told me no chemo today and I needed to have a CT of my chest, abdomen, and pelvis (with and without IV and PO contrast, I found out later!) before we could start chemo. He was worried that I had either liver mets or hepatitis. Even though I had NO symptoms of either. So I told him two weeks ago I was still taking a lot of pain meds, especially things with acetaminophen in them, since I wasn't jaundiced, my bili wasn't elevated and my liver was not palpable, not to mention my nodes were negative and my surgeon got clear margins, could we PERHAPS recheck labs before we do an expensive and uncomfortable test (OK so it's probably not that bad, I was just thinking about the contrast) and postpone my chemo, especially since we drove almost 4 hours!! He wasn't convinced, but when my doctor came in, I started in on her too and talked her into it!!
Guess what...when they drew labs...still elevated but trending down...big surprise! If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, quit looking for evidence it's a cow before you exhaust all possibilities it's a duck!! I was released to go back to the treatment center and get another blinky-vibrating thing, and this time, since it was over an hour past my appointment time, I got to wait much longer. Then we went to the pod, got my IV but I needed MORE LABWORK!! so she had to wait on it before she could start my chemo. Finally just before two, it got started.
And that's where I'm going to have to stop for now. Apparently the Winnie-the-Pooh cure for insomnia worked and now I can barely hold my eyes open or complete a thought.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Nurse Ratched, part 1
Why is it that every time I'm in the hospital (for longer than an outpatient procedure) I get a Nurse Ratched? Are there that many of them or am I just that lucky? I remember my very first interaction with a NR...back when I had NumberOneSon in '97. I'd only ever been in the hospital one other time, when I was 6 and had my tonsils out. My mommy was there with me the whole time. I spilled a milkshake in my bed and ate Doritos the morning after we got home from the hospital. So I guess you could say at the ripe old age of 23, DH and I didn't really know the proper behavior for hospitalization. I think we were somehow expecting the nurses to help me get better so I could go home, not to torture us for eight hours and make the only vivid memories of an otherwise blurry vision of the days after our first child was born.
NR was working 3-11 shift on Wednesday after we had NOS on Tuesday. I was trying to do everything they told me...rooming in with the baby and nursing whenever he cried, taking my pain medicine, getting up and walking, eating whatever they brought me so they'd advance my diet (that's right, I choked down a strawberry Ensure on my full liquid tray for breakfast to make a happy plate so I'd get real food for lunch). DH changed every single diaper while we were in the hospital, we didn't use the call bell much, and generally we THOUGHT we were a model patient and family. Not to NR. Shortly after her shift began I started having severe abdominal pain and I could tell I REALLY, REALLY needed to have a bowel movement. So I got out of bed and went in the little bathroom. Couldn't go. Hurt too bad. I'd had a c-section after a 21 hour labor with two hours of pushing so I got the best of both worlds. If you don't understand what I mean by that just ask someone who's had both a natural birth and a c-section. Or e-mail me and I'll explain it. But it makes me kind of vurp just thinking about it so I just can't spell it out here. Anyway, I'm in the bathroom straining and trying really hard not to cry. DH sees how miserable I am and calls the nurses' station. NR comes in and tries to get me to just go back to bed. She offered me a Colace. I told her I was way past Colace and she said, "Well, that's the only thing you have ordered." Well then, call the doctor. I may not have been a nurse back then but I at least knew that! She leaves and comes back with the Colace. I took it, and then I told her again to call the doctor and ask for a suppository. She said, "Why don't you just give the Colace time to work?" And I said, "Listen, I don't care what you want, I want a suppository, and I'll give it to myself if you don't want to give it to me!" By this time DH was about ready to punch her, I was crying, and the baby was crying. Ms. Merry F-n Ray of Sunshine huffs off, DH picks up NOS and tries to comfort him, but all he wanted was to nurse and obviously, I was in no condition to do that. So he finds the noonie and plugs up his little piehole and pokes his head out the door to see if he can find someone, ANYONE, besides Nurse Ratched to help us. We weren't that far from the nurses' station so when he peeks out, who does he see? My doctor! Yay! He would help for sure. But now DH has a moral conundrum...his wife is on the toilet crying and she can't really take care of the baby. The baby is still fussy so if he puts him down he's gonna really cry and that's gonna make his wife feel even worse. But they told him that the baby can only be outside the room with staff and in the bassinet...what to do, what to do? He decided the best option was just to carry NOS with him (they did have matching armbands) and go talk to the doctor. He gets to the nurses' station and tells Dr. C what's going on. And then Nurse Ratched rounds the corner...and starts yelling at DH because the baby is out of the room AND out of the bassinet! HORRORS! Dr. C just glares at her and he and DH come down to the room. NR is not far behind them with my Dulcolax suppository. I told her just to give it to me and I'd take care of it myself. About half an hour later I finally pooped and felt a little better. And that, my friends, is my most vivid memory of having NOS. Not the labor, not the c-section, not the first time I saw him or held him, but Nurse Ratched and the bowel management medications.
I hope to God I have never been anyone's Nurse Ratched! And I hope that old hag was just having a bad day and didn't normally act like that. But for some reason, I kind of think that was just her sweet personality coming through.
NR was working 3-11 shift on Wednesday after we had NOS on Tuesday. I was trying to do everything they told me...rooming in with the baby and nursing whenever he cried, taking my pain medicine, getting up and walking, eating whatever they brought me so they'd advance my diet (that's right, I choked down a strawberry Ensure on my full liquid tray for breakfast to make a happy plate so I'd get real food for lunch). DH changed every single diaper while we were in the hospital, we didn't use the call bell much, and generally we THOUGHT we were a model patient and family. Not to NR. Shortly after her shift began I started having severe abdominal pain and I could tell I REALLY, REALLY needed to have a bowel movement. So I got out of bed and went in the little bathroom. Couldn't go. Hurt too bad. I'd had a c-section after a 21 hour labor with two hours of pushing so I got the best of both worlds. If you don't understand what I mean by that just ask someone who's had both a natural birth and a c-section. Or e-mail me and I'll explain it. But it makes me kind of vurp just thinking about it so I just can't spell it out here. Anyway, I'm in the bathroom straining and trying really hard not to cry. DH sees how miserable I am and calls the nurses' station. NR comes in and tries to get me to just go back to bed. She offered me a Colace. I told her I was way past Colace and she said, "Well, that's the only thing you have ordered." Well then, call the doctor. I may not have been a nurse back then but I at least knew that! She leaves and comes back with the Colace. I took it, and then I told her again to call the doctor and ask for a suppository. She said, "Why don't you just give the Colace time to work?" And I said, "Listen, I don't care what you want, I want a suppository, and I'll give it to myself if you don't want to give it to me!" By this time DH was about ready to punch her, I was crying, and the baby was crying. Ms. Merry F-n Ray of Sunshine huffs off, DH picks up NOS and tries to comfort him, but all he wanted was to nurse and obviously, I was in no condition to do that. So he finds the noonie and plugs up his little piehole and pokes his head out the door to see if he can find someone, ANYONE, besides Nurse Ratched to help us. We weren't that far from the nurses' station so when he peeks out, who does he see? My doctor! Yay! He would help for sure. But now DH has a moral conundrum...his wife is on the toilet crying and she can't really take care of the baby. The baby is still fussy so if he puts him down he's gonna really cry and that's gonna make his wife feel even worse. But they told him that the baby can only be outside the room with staff and in the bassinet...what to do, what to do? He decided the best option was just to carry NOS with him (they did have matching armbands) and go talk to the doctor. He gets to the nurses' station and tells Dr. C what's going on. And then Nurse Ratched rounds the corner...and starts yelling at DH because the baby is out of the room AND out of the bassinet! HORRORS! Dr. C just glares at her and he and DH come down to the room. NR is not far behind them with my Dulcolax suppository. I told her just to give it to me and I'd take care of it myself. About half an hour later I finally pooped and felt a little better. And that, my friends, is my most vivid memory of having NOS. Not the labor, not the c-section, not the first time I saw him or held him, but Nurse Ratched and the bowel management medications.
I hope to God I have never been anyone's Nurse Ratched! And I hope that old hag was just having a bad day and didn't normally act like that. But for some reason, I kind of think that was just her sweet personality coming through.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Squeaky wheel gets the grease
OK, so Kondee's Mom gave me the ass kicking I needed via text message this morning...thank you! You did exactly what a friend is supposed to do and I appreciate it. Between her, BeBe, DH and my mom, I got back on track today. I talked to a couple of my girlfriends and they're gonna come over and help me get all my freakin laundry sorted and put away and straighten up and finally get this place squared away. I hit Wal-mart today after I took BabyBoy to school and got the rest of what I need to get organized...I think. I was beat by the time I put it all away and I took a nice little nap. Picked up NumberOneSon, got some dinner, went to a parenting class and then since we got out early I went to Bike Night at the bar.
It was nice to see everyone at Bike Night, it's been awhile since I've gone. It's the first time my friends had seen me since Pinup Barber chopped it off Twiggy style on Tuesday. It was cracking me up because there were multiple people who didn't recognize me. I sure wish I could ride my bike, but I think it's probably gonna be next year.
I really love and appreciate all my friends and family. There is no way I can get through this without the support and help of the people who love me. And I'm lucky enough to have friends and family who love me warts and all (literally...you should see the icky wart on my right middle finger) and who don't get mad at me when I blow off some steam. I don't think there's any way I can ever repay all the kindness given me, but I will spend the rest of my life trying once I'm over this.
It was nice to see everyone at Bike Night, it's been awhile since I've gone. It's the first time my friends had seen me since Pinup Barber chopped it off Twiggy style on Tuesday. It was cracking me up because there were multiple people who didn't recognize me. I sure wish I could ride my bike, but I think it's probably gonna be next year.
I really love and appreciate all my friends and family. There is no way I can get through this without the support and help of the people who love me. And I'm lucky enough to have friends and family who love me warts and all (literally...you should see the icky wart on my right middle finger) and who don't get mad at me when I blow off some steam. I don't think there's any way I can ever repay all the kindness given me, but I will spend the rest of my life trying once I'm over this.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Even if I look like I've got it together, really I don't...
Yesterday was just...exhausting. NumberOneSon had his first football game (ever!) in Webb City. Since I'd never even heard of that place, I Google Mapped it and found it was roughly 2 hours away. I googled the school and found the address. I even got a phone call from SchoolReach that gave me directions. Now, did I bother to print any of this out or write any of it down? No, of course not, that would have made it easy for me to find the football field in Webb City. I mean, for God's sake, it's Webb City. Shouldn't be hard to find the football field, it's a tiny town. It's not like there's four high schools. There probably isn't even a Wal-mart. I bet there's a Dollar General though, couple of gas stations, maybe even a Jim's Drive In.
In reality, Webb City has a Wal-mart, a Sonic, a Culver's (mmmm, I love that place!), a Quiznos, the Joplin (?) airport, a beauty school, and lots and lots of other businesses. I saw a lot of them while I was driving around Webb City looking for the football field. Since I didn't know what direction I should go, I just followed my instincts. I forgot that my instincts are usually as good as George Costanza's...remember that episode of Seinfeld where he did the opposite of what he thought should do...yeah, that was a funny one. Anyway, once I got to the Joplin (?) Airport, I thought I might be going the wrong direction so I stopped and busted out my cell phone and googled. The map I got was...useless! Not only was the street I was on not on it, I didn't even recognize the names of any of the streets on it! I downloaded the Google Maps app for my phone a few months ago and I can't figure out how to type an address into it (I can get numbers but not spaces or letters...very useful when you're trying to enter an address, which has numbers AND spaces and letters). If you guessed I don't have an iPhone, you're right. DH has one though...but I'm not jealous (OK maybe I'm a little jealous). I did at least have the address, and because I took a shortcut, I was there early enough that I had time to be lost for awhile. I drove back toward the way I came and turned at the main intersection...the wrong way again! At least this time I knew I was on the right road and I did eventually find the school and football field and I got there about fifteen minutes before the game started.
And the game...sucked. Usually the "A" team plays first and then the "B" team, but this time the "B" team played first! Yay, I thought, I'll get to leave early. Umm, no, the players for the "B" team got to hang out on the sidelines till the "A" game was over. OMG it was just awful! I felt so bad for the boys. They didn't even score at all. Really didn't even come close. Webb City grows 'em big! I briefly considered looking for a source for some steroids for NOS! Oh, well, better luck next week, I suppose.
At least we got to eat at Culver's. I demolished a pumpkin cheesecake concrete mixer while my little ones enjoyed turtles and NOS had a bacon double cheeseburger and fries. I loathe to think about how many calories was in that concrete...oh well, chances are I'll be losing a little weight in the near future. Besides, if they make new boobs out of my tummy, maybe they'll be bigger if I pack on a few pounds...I can eat for two, right?
So today I'm just exhausted. I didn't feel like getting out of bed, much less doing anything. I took BabyBoy to school AND picked him up in my jammies. I didn't even brush my teeth or put on shoes when I took him. Pathetic, I know. I started texting friends to take NOS to the game store to get the game he pre-ordered two months ago for me tonight and I couldn't get anyone to do it. I only asked people he knows and half of them didn't even bother to respond, and the rest had excuses. I know, it's not an emergency. If it was I'm sure those same people and twenty more would be over here in a heartbeat. It's hard enough to let people help you and doubly hard to ask. I would rather just do it myself. I think when people see me and see that I look OK, they assume I am OK. Well, yesterday I may have been, but today I'm not. I went ahead and took a shower after I picked up BabyBoy and put on my makeup and fixed my hair and generally tried to not look like crap. But I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. Today has been one of the worst days I've had since my diagnosis and tests and surgery and follow ups and I know it's only going to get worse. Is anybody going to be there for me? Is anyone going to realize that just because I say I don't need anything that doesn't mean I am telling the truth? It's very easy to sound upbeat in a Tweet or status update or text message. I've spent YEARS perfecting my act of having it all together. I'm not much of a complainer and I hate hearing others complain. I suck it up most of the time, or at least I try. People keep telling me I'm strong. I don't feel strong at all. I feel sad and scared and weak and sorry for my kids that they have such a wreck for a mom. I know it's probably better to have a sick mom than a dead mom but right now it's almost like they don't have a mom at all.
About ten years ago, when I was in nursing school, DH and I separated for a few months. NOS was almost three at the time. Since his daddy was usually gone working for several weeks at a time, NOS didn't really notice that DH wasn't around, at least for awhile. I remember one night I was lying on the couch crying, again. I had put up a brave front at school, not mentioning my problems at home to anyone. But I don't know why, that night, I just couldn't hold myself together until after NOS went to bed. And he came up to me with his blanket off his bed and covered me up and patted my cheek and told me it was OK. I felt about an inch tall. Here was my child trying to take care of me. That's not how it's supposed to be. And I swore I would never let that happen again. I pulled myself together and did not let him see me cry again. And now, with DH on the road and my being sick, I find myself leaning on NOS. He should not have to take care of his mother! He does so much around the house as it is...he has got to be the best 13 year old boy on the planet. Granted, he's still a 13 year old boy...so I get some sighs and attitude and even though he cleaned his room, it's still a mess! But I don't know what to do. Last week when my mom went back home it seemed like I was doing fine. I know she wouldn't have left if she'd thought otherwise. I was hoping I'd get a little better every day, but it's like a roller coaster and I'm just ready to get off the ride. How can you plan for that? How can I know tomorrow I'm not going to feel like picking NOS up from football practice? Or that Friday I'm going to feel like cooking dinner so I don't need anyone to bring anything?
I wish I knew the answer. I pray every day for strength to get through this. I can't keep asking DH to come home or my mom to come stay. I think part of the reason I do better when they're around is that I'm just happy they're there. Like it changes my outlook and I'm happier and therefore I feel better. But DH needs to work or we starve and Mom has her life and her home and husband to care for. I can't expect anyone just to drop everything and be at my beck and call.
In reality, Webb City has a Wal-mart, a Sonic, a Culver's (mmmm, I love that place!), a Quiznos, the Joplin (?) airport, a beauty school, and lots and lots of other businesses. I saw a lot of them while I was driving around Webb City looking for the football field. Since I didn't know what direction I should go, I just followed my instincts. I forgot that my instincts are usually as good as George Costanza's...remember that episode of Seinfeld where he did the opposite of what he thought should do...yeah, that was a funny one. Anyway, once I got to the Joplin (?) Airport, I thought I might be going the wrong direction so I stopped and busted out my cell phone and googled. The map I got was...useless! Not only was the street I was on not on it, I didn't even recognize the names of any of the streets on it! I downloaded the Google Maps app for my phone a few months ago and I can't figure out how to type an address into it (I can get numbers but not spaces or letters...very useful when you're trying to enter an address, which has numbers AND spaces and letters). If you guessed I don't have an iPhone, you're right. DH has one though...but I'm not jealous (OK maybe I'm a little jealous). I did at least have the address, and because I took a shortcut, I was there early enough that I had time to be lost for awhile. I drove back toward the way I came and turned at the main intersection...the wrong way again! At least this time I knew I was on the right road and I did eventually find the school and football field and I got there about fifteen minutes before the game started.
And the game...sucked. Usually the "A" team plays first and then the "B" team, but this time the "B" team played first! Yay, I thought, I'll get to leave early. Umm, no, the players for the "B" team got to hang out on the sidelines till the "A" game was over. OMG it was just awful! I felt so bad for the boys. They didn't even score at all. Really didn't even come close. Webb City grows 'em big! I briefly considered looking for a source for some steroids for NOS! Oh, well, better luck next week, I suppose.
At least we got to eat at Culver's. I demolished a pumpkin cheesecake concrete mixer while my little ones enjoyed turtles and NOS had a bacon double cheeseburger and fries. I loathe to think about how many calories was in that concrete...oh well, chances are I'll be losing a little weight in the near future. Besides, if they make new boobs out of my tummy, maybe they'll be bigger if I pack on a few pounds...I can eat for two, right?
So today I'm just exhausted. I didn't feel like getting out of bed, much less doing anything. I took BabyBoy to school AND picked him up in my jammies. I didn't even brush my teeth or put on shoes when I took him. Pathetic, I know. I started texting friends to take NOS to the game store to get the game he pre-ordered two months ago for me tonight and I couldn't get anyone to do it. I only asked people he knows and half of them didn't even bother to respond, and the rest had excuses. I know, it's not an emergency. If it was I'm sure those same people and twenty more would be over here in a heartbeat. It's hard enough to let people help you and doubly hard to ask. I would rather just do it myself. I think when people see me and see that I look OK, they assume I am OK. Well, yesterday I may have been, but today I'm not. I went ahead and took a shower after I picked up BabyBoy and put on my makeup and fixed my hair and generally tried to not look like crap. But I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. Today has been one of the worst days I've had since my diagnosis and tests and surgery and follow ups and I know it's only going to get worse. Is anybody going to be there for me? Is anyone going to realize that just because I say I don't need anything that doesn't mean I am telling the truth? It's very easy to sound upbeat in a Tweet or status update or text message. I've spent YEARS perfecting my act of having it all together. I'm not much of a complainer and I hate hearing others complain. I suck it up most of the time, or at least I try. People keep telling me I'm strong. I don't feel strong at all. I feel sad and scared and weak and sorry for my kids that they have such a wreck for a mom. I know it's probably better to have a sick mom than a dead mom but right now it's almost like they don't have a mom at all.
About ten years ago, when I was in nursing school, DH and I separated for a few months. NOS was almost three at the time. Since his daddy was usually gone working for several weeks at a time, NOS didn't really notice that DH wasn't around, at least for awhile. I remember one night I was lying on the couch crying, again. I had put up a brave front at school, not mentioning my problems at home to anyone. But I don't know why, that night, I just couldn't hold myself together until after NOS went to bed. And he came up to me with his blanket off his bed and covered me up and patted my cheek and told me it was OK. I felt about an inch tall. Here was my child trying to take care of me. That's not how it's supposed to be. And I swore I would never let that happen again. I pulled myself together and did not let him see me cry again. And now, with DH on the road and my being sick, I find myself leaning on NOS. He should not have to take care of his mother! He does so much around the house as it is...he has got to be the best 13 year old boy on the planet. Granted, he's still a 13 year old boy...so I get some sighs and attitude and even though he cleaned his room, it's still a mess! But I don't know what to do. Last week when my mom went back home it seemed like I was doing fine. I know she wouldn't have left if she'd thought otherwise. I was hoping I'd get a little better every day, but it's like a roller coaster and I'm just ready to get off the ride. How can you plan for that? How can I know tomorrow I'm not going to feel like picking NOS up from football practice? Or that Friday I'm going to feel like cooking dinner so I don't need anyone to bring anything?
I wish I knew the answer. I pray every day for strength to get through this. I can't keep asking DH to come home or my mom to come stay. I think part of the reason I do better when they're around is that I'm just happy they're there. Like it changes my outlook and I'm happier and therefore I feel better. But DH needs to work or we starve and Mom has her life and her home and husband to care for. I can't expect anyone just to drop everything and be at my beck and call.
Monday, September 13, 2010
the devil is in the details
Yesterday I skimmed back over previous posts and wrote down the aliases of all the people whose names have been changed. I totally stole that concept from Tucker Max. If you like dirty stories from a guy who seems to have no conscience or dignity, you really should check out his website However, if you are easily offended or have an overactive upchuck reflex, you might wanna skip it. To be perfectly honest, DH introduced me to his stories and when I read the one he picked out for me, I was disgusted and thought that Tucker Max had to be the biggest egomaniac douchebag asshat in the world. But DH had bookmarked it on my laptop and I was out of town working, bored in the hotel room so I started reading a few more of the stories, and I was hooked. I contemplated buying the book, but B&N didn't have it on sale, so I rented the movie I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell instead. Needless to say, DH was shocked when I brought that one home from the Redbox. And the guy who plays Tucker in the movie, Matt Czuchry, is exactly the kind of guy I pictured Tucker to be. The name Matt Czuchry may not sound familiar to you unless you watched Gilmore Girls. He played Logan, Rory's final love interest. I was so sad when that show went off the air. Yeah, I know, Rory graduated from college and Lorelai and Luke got together and geez, what were they gonna do, bring in a cute kid ala The Cosby Show or Full House (although Gilmore Girls didn't really have a cute kid, unless you count Rory, but she was a teenager when the show started). OK now I'm totally off the subject. Oh, yeah, I stole Tucker Max's habit of making aliases for the people he mentions in his stories.
The whole reason I started this entry was that I realized I hadn't really said anything about the results of the pathology after my surgery and what the plan is. I'd only bitched a lot about being in the hospital and being in pain. Don't worry. I'll get back to those subjects because you've got to hear about Nurse Ratched.
OK so remember the biopsy results...invasive ductal carcinoma, grade 2, with an extensive in situ component. There were a total of at least 5 microscopic foci. The suspicious area on the mammogram was about 50mm x 50mm x 45mm (62 mm in a radial fashion...whatever that means). The surgical pathology showed an infiltrating ductal carcinoma with three foci, intermediate grade, largest was 1.1 cm and two smaller were 0.5 cm each, positive for angiolymphatic invasion and ductal carcinoma in situ, intermediate grade with necrosis and cancerization of lobules. Essentially what all that means is that what they found in the surgery is what they were expecting to find based on the biopsy. No better, no worse. Mastectomy was the appropriate treatment and if we'd planned lumpectomy plus radiation Dr. M (surgeon) likely would have needed to go ahead and do a mastectomy anyway.
I opted for the bilateral because I know if I have cancer in one breast, I am more likely to get it in the other breast. Now I realize breast cancer can come back even without breasts, but honestly, the amount of surveillance they want to do on your other breast after you've had breast cancer once is astounding. Two MRIs and two mammograms a year, alternating and spaced three months apart, is A. expensive, B. stressful waiting for results, and C. I don't think I could handle another MRI again, much less twice a year. Just thinking about my MRI makes me wanna throw up. I would rather have a biopsy and I'd seriously consider having a root canal rather than another MRI. Besides, I'm 36...I want a matched pair!
Lymph nodes were negative, so based on the size of the tumors it's a Stage 1 cancer. It's ER+, PR- and Her2-. The plan is chemotherapy with a cytophosphane (nitrogen mustard alkylating agent) and a taxane, given together every three weeks for four to six doses, plus an estrogen blocking agent for five years. I went ahead and enrolled in a clinical trial comparing the estrogen blocking agents tamoxifen and an aromatase inhibitor for recurrence in premenopausal women. The current standard of treatment is tamoxifen for five years. Because I may be randomized into the group that gets the aromatase inhibitor, I will be given a GnRH angonist which will put me into a chemical menopause. Dr. M (the oncologist) said I didn't need adriamycin since the tumors were small, I am young, and the drug is very hard on your heart.
Both chemo agents will cause me to lose my hair, so hopefully Pinup Barber can turn my hairdo into Twiggy's this week so I can start getting used to it. Well, maybe a hot pink Twiggy! And menopause...well, let's just hope I can get through it without killing too many people!
DH and my mom are both concerned about my enrolling in a clinical trial, but someone has to do it. It's not like they won't be treating me, I'll either get treated with the current standard or with something they've already studied a lot and think might be better. I hope someday they will find a cure for cancer, but if patients don't take part in clinical trials, researchers and physicians won't know about better treatments. Cancer treatment regimens are constantly changing and that is thanks to clinical trials and research.
Well, since I didn't get crap done yesterday, I'm gonna get dressed, run Baby Boy to preschool and try to accomplish something tangible today. Then again, I may just read a book.
The whole reason I started this entry was that I realized I hadn't really said anything about the results of the pathology after my surgery and what the plan is. I'd only bitched a lot about being in the hospital and being in pain. Don't worry. I'll get back to those subjects because you've got to hear about Nurse Ratched.
OK so remember the biopsy results...invasive ductal carcinoma, grade 2, with an extensive in situ component. There were a total of at least 5 microscopic foci. The suspicious area on the mammogram was about 50mm x 50mm x 45mm (62 mm in a radial fashion...whatever that means). The surgical pathology showed an infiltrating ductal carcinoma with three foci, intermediate grade, largest was 1.1 cm and two smaller were 0.5 cm each, positive for angiolymphatic invasion and ductal carcinoma in situ, intermediate grade with necrosis and cancerization of lobules. Essentially what all that means is that what they found in the surgery is what they were expecting to find based on the biopsy. No better, no worse. Mastectomy was the appropriate treatment and if we'd planned lumpectomy plus radiation Dr. M (surgeon) likely would have needed to go ahead and do a mastectomy anyway.
I opted for the bilateral because I know if I have cancer in one breast, I am more likely to get it in the other breast. Now I realize breast cancer can come back even without breasts, but honestly, the amount of surveillance they want to do on your other breast after you've had breast cancer once is astounding. Two MRIs and two mammograms a year, alternating and spaced three months apart, is A. expensive, B. stressful waiting for results, and C. I don't think I could handle another MRI again, much less twice a year. Just thinking about my MRI makes me wanna throw up. I would rather have a biopsy and I'd seriously consider having a root canal rather than another MRI. Besides, I'm 36...I want a matched pair!
Lymph nodes were negative, so based on the size of the tumors it's a Stage 1 cancer. It's ER+, PR- and Her2-. The plan is chemotherapy with a cytophosphane (nitrogen mustard alkylating agent) and a taxane, given together every three weeks for four to six doses, plus an estrogen blocking agent for five years. I went ahead and enrolled in a clinical trial comparing the estrogen blocking agents tamoxifen and an aromatase inhibitor for recurrence in premenopausal women. The current standard of treatment is tamoxifen for five years. Because I may be randomized into the group that gets the aromatase inhibitor, I will be given a GnRH angonist which will put me into a chemical menopause. Dr. M (the oncologist) said I didn't need adriamycin since the tumors were small, I am young, and the drug is very hard on your heart.
Both chemo agents will cause me to lose my hair, so hopefully Pinup Barber can turn my hairdo into Twiggy's this week so I can start getting used to it. Well, maybe a hot pink Twiggy! And menopause...well, let's just hope I can get through it without killing too many people!
DH and my mom are both concerned about my enrolling in a clinical trial, but someone has to do it. It's not like they won't be treating me, I'll either get treated with the current standard or with something they've already studied a lot and think might be better. I hope someday they will find a cure for cancer, but if patients don't take part in clinical trials, researchers and physicians won't know about better treatments. Cancer treatment regimens are constantly changing and that is thanks to clinical trials and research.
Well, since I didn't get crap done yesterday, I'm gonna get dressed, run Baby Boy to preschool and try to accomplish something tangible today. Then again, I may just read a book.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
becoming a hermit, random musings
I'm trying to decide whether to finish some stories I've left unfinished or just move on. Baby Boy was up at the crack of dawn...par for the course for a weekend morning. Oh well, I had set my alarm to take pain pills anyway, so I just got up. I'm disappointed in my Twitter friends...I was expecting more drunk tweets and twit pics from last night. And there wasn't much new on Facebook either...everyone must be sleeping in today. I turned on CMT for about 10 minutes and remembered why I don't like mainstream country music (generally). The first video was Blake Shelton...lame. The second was Sugarland, who I kind of like, except I didn't even notice the song because the video was so ridiculous. It was a cross between the warehouse/cop scene in Reservoir Dogs (minus the blood and awesome song) and Olivia Newton-John's Physical video. Also, I thought they were a duo, but apparently in their videos they just cut to the dude with his feet up strumming an instrument about three times. That's when I started looking for the remote. But when Toby Keith came on, I intensified my search. Good grief, I just can't even express the loathing I have for that bag of douche. Found the remote, refilled my coffee, and switched to VH1 Classic. I'm pretty sure that makes me old. Oh well...I love Pop Up Video and they show reruns of it pretty regularly. I like having a little TV in the background that I don't really have to pay attention to but isn't distracting so I lose my train of thought (it's a very short train).
Baby Boy was insistent that we bring the dogs in and now he's annoyed because Buddy wants to play with him. Cripes, he's just like a woman...can't make up his mind! LOL I'm allowed to say that since I'm a woman, right?
OK so let's see, where to start...This weekend I had a lot of social and kid obligations. Bubba's birthday was Friday and he was celebrating at the bar that night. Bubba's a good friend, so I wanted to go. But by the time I ran my few errands and then picked NumberOneSon up from football practice, I didn't feel like doing anything. I'd spent most of the day running around...big mistake if I want to do something at night. But Hot Mommy needed to get out of the house and I wanted to look at boots and books, so I dragged her and baby along. Oh, that baby of hers is just a doll! He's almost as cute as my babies were...anyway, boots were more expensive than I remembered. I believe it's been about 20 years since I've bought any. I did find some cute ones though and when I told BeBe about my experience, she informed me that the store usually puts the brand I like on sale around Christmas. Yay! I know what the kids are getting me for Christmas this year ;-) I bought another cancer book, a Yoga book and video, and some new reading material for when my quarantine begins.
Long story short...NOS made leftovers for dinner, I chilled in the recliner and took max doses of my pain pills.
Not wishing to repeat the mistakes of Friday, when I got up Saturday morning, I really scrutinized what I HAD to do and what I really WANTED to do. NOS's football scrimmage...HAD to go. Fortunately one of his friends who also plays football lives around the corner and he was able to hitch a ride with them so I didn't have to get up and drag the little ones out quite so early. Reading Around the Square...didn't HAVE to go and even though it's for a good cause and it's usually fun, I decided to skip it. We went to Sonic instead for drinks and breakfast for NOS. Only my kid would want a Bacon Cheeseburger Toaster and tater tots for breakfast. And then my friend Squeaky called and said he had time to unclog my kitchen sink so we ran home. At first he didn't think he was gonna get it...but he persevered and succeeded! Yay, now we can do some dishes!!
Next on the list of obligations...Purple Burrito with Bubba and birthday party for Miss Thang at the OC. I'm not a huge fan of kid birthday parties...awkward small talk with other moms I really don't know...I have to be in the mood to enjoy it, and I wasn't. So I grabbed a quick nap, showered and got ready and dropped Miss Thang off! First time she's soloed a birthday party, and of course she did just fine. And off I went to Purple Burrito with Bubba, killing two birds with one stone. Mmmm, Purple Burrito. I could eat that every day, and they have so many different choices, most of which I haven't tried yet because I'm addicted to their fish tacos and chorizo tacos. Takeout from there is just not as good because the shells get soggy, so it's a meal best eaten there. I'm going to miss it. Maybe as I get closer to a chemo appointment my immune system will be strong enough to go between busy times. Then I hit the resale shop and bought a few cute shirts and a very nice winter coat for NOS.
Finally I was down to my evening social obligations. Pinup Barber's hubby's birthday party at their shop and our bar (they're by each other), the I Hate Cancer benefit at Lindbergs with some of my favorite bands, and the Blues Festival at Chesterfield Village where my friend Bling-Bling had a booth selling her (what else?) bling-bling! She'd even managed to score a few free passes. However, after I picked MT up from her party, my pain, which had been manageable, decided to become unmanageable. Seriously, WTF, pain? You bitch!! I'd done what I was supposed to do. Took my meds, took a nap, didn't overdo it. And still, you come back and bite me in the ass! OK well, actually you bit me in the boob but whatever. Point is, I'm over two weeks out! Why are you still hanging around? I've never been out of commission for this long! So what did I do last night? Stayed home, drugged up, watched TV and creeped on Facebook for awhile. That was not what I had in mind for Saturday night. I only have one more weekend left before I have to become a hermit, at least for a week or two after each treatment. GRRRRR...
It's not like I wanted to party all night...but I would have liked to have made an appearance at the birthday party and the benefit, maybe an hour at each, tops. I just don't get it! Oh well, I guess I have lots of time in the future to see bands, and I'd told Pinup Barber's hubby happy birthday when I'd seen him Friday, his actual birthday. And I talked to Diablo on Facebook and he was understanding about my not being able to come out to the benefit.
I was hoping today to get out of the house and do something fun with all three kids, but I just don't know if I'm gonna have the stamina to do it. Baby Boy asked to go to Pizza Hut, so maybe we'll go eat some pizza later or something. It's a pretty day, maybe I'll take a book outside and read and watch the kids play. I'd talked to J last night, asking her what would be something fun, cheap and not too strenuous to do with the kids. Maybe she'll text me with a great idea.
Well, I guess it's time to change out laundry from the washer to the dryer and put on another load. MT's clamoring to put away our laundry we had done last week, so I guess we'll start sorting through it although there's no way it's getting finished today.
Baby Boy was insistent that we bring the dogs in and now he's annoyed because Buddy wants to play with him. Cripes, he's just like a woman...can't make up his mind! LOL I'm allowed to say that since I'm a woman, right?
OK so let's see, where to start...This weekend I had a lot of social and kid obligations. Bubba's birthday was Friday and he was celebrating at the bar that night. Bubba's a good friend, so I wanted to go. But by the time I ran my few errands and then picked NumberOneSon up from football practice, I didn't feel like doing anything. I'd spent most of the day running around...big mistake if I want to do something at night. But Hot Mommy needed to get out of the house and I wanted to look at boots and books, so I dragged her and baby along. Oh, that baby of hers is just a doll! He's almost as cute as my babies were...anyway, boots were more expensive than I remembered. I believe it's been about 20 years since I've bought any. I did find some cute ones though and when I told BeBe about my experience, she informed me that the store usually puts the brand I like on sale around Christmas. Yay! I know what the kids are getting me for Christmas this year ;-) I bought another cancer book, a Yoga book and video, and some new reading material for when my quarantine begins.
Long story short...NOS made leftovers for dinner, I chilled in the recliner and took max doses of my pain pills.
Not wishing to repeat the mistakes of Friday, when I got up Saturday morning, I really scrutinized what I HAD to do and what I really WANTED to do. NOS's football scrimmage...HAD to go. Fortunately one of his friends who also plays football lives around the corner and he was able to hitch a ride with them so I didn't have to get up and drag the little ones out quite so early. Reading Around the Square...didn't HAVE to go and even though it's for a good cause and it's usually fun, I decided to skip it. We went to Sonic instead for drinks and breakfast for NOS. Only my kid would want a Bacon Cheeseburger Toaster and tater tots for breakfast. And then my friend Squeaky called and said he had time to unclog my kitchen sink so we ran home. At first he didn't think he was gonna get it...but he persevered and succeeded! Yay, now we can do some dishes!!
Next on the list of obligations...Purple Burrito with Bubba and birthday party for Miss Thang at the OC. I'm not a huge fan of kid birthday parties...awkward small talk with other moms I really don't know...I have to be in the mood to enjoy it, and I wasn't. So I grabbed a quick nap, showered and got ready and dropped Miss Thang off! First time she's soloed a birthday party, and of course she did just fine. And off I went to Purple Burrito with Bubba, killing two birds with one stone. Mmmm, Purple Burrito. I could eat that every day, and they have so many different choices, most of which I haven't tried yet because I'm addicted to their fish tacos and chorizo tacos. Takeout from there is just not as good because the shells get soggy, so it's a meal best eaten there. I'm going to miss it. Maybe as I get closer to a chemo appointment my immune system will be strong enough to go between busy times. Then I hit the resale shop and bought a few cute shirts and a very nice winter coat for NOS.
Finally I was down to my evening social obligations. Pinup Barber's hubby's birthday party at their shop and our bar (they're by each other), the I Hate Cancer benefit at Lindbergs with some of my favorite bands, and the Blues Festival at Chesterfield Village where my friend Bling-Bling had a booth selling her (what else?) bling-bling! She'd even managed to score a few free passes. However, after I picked MT up from her party, my pain, which had been manageable, decided to become unmanageable. Seriously, WTF, pain? You bitch!! I'd done what I was supposed to do. Took my meds, took a nap, didn't overdo it. And still, you come back and bite me in the ass! OK well, actually you bit me in the boob but whatever. Point is, I'm over two weeks out! Why are you still hanging around? I've never been out of commission for this long! So what did I do last night? Stayed home, drugged up, watched TV and creeped on Facebook for awhile. That was not what I had in mind for Saturday night. I only have one more weekend left before I have to become a hermit, at least for a week or two after each treatment. GRRRRR...
It's not like I wanted to party all night...but I would have liked to have made an appearance at the birthday party and the benefit, maybe an hour at each, tops. I just don't get it! Oh well, I guess I have lots of time in the future to see bands, and I'd told Pinup Barber's hubby happy birthday when I'd seen him Friday, his actual birthday. And I talked to Diablo on Facebook and he was understanding about my not being able to come out to the benefit.
I was hoping today to get out of the house and do something fun with all three kids, but I just don't know if I'm gonna have the stamina to do it. Baby Boy asked to go to Pizza Hut, so maybe we'll go eat some pizza later or something. It's a pretty day, maybe I'll take a book outside and read and watch the kids play. I'd talked to J last night, asking her what would be something fun, cheap and not too strenuous to do with the kids. Maybe she'll text me with a great idea.
Well, I guess it's time to change out laundry from the washer to the dryer and put on another load. MT's clamoring to put away our laundry we had done last week, so I guess we'll start sorting through it although there's no way it's getting finished today.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Getting back to normal...well, kind of
So this afternoon, for the first time in over two weeks, I was all by myself for more than just a few minutes. I think most people who know me would consider me to be a "people person." I usually enjoy meeting new people, talking to people, being out in public, mingling and making small talk at a get-together, chatting up customers at the bar. What most people don't know is...oh, geez, I'm not sure I want to give away my secret. Um, ok, here goes...I don't always like being around people. I need a little solitude every day. If I don't get some alone time I get a little nutty. Now having had major surgery, being on narcotics, having DH at home and then my mom after DH went back to work, how much "alone" time do you think I've had? Not including going to the bathroom and being asleep...pretty much zero. So when my mom left and my coffee klatch girlfriends left and I dropped Baby Boy off at preschool...I was HOME ALONE! I felt like running through the house like that crazy little kid in the movie. Instead I sorted, washed and folded some laundry, deleted some junk on the DVR, watched an episode of Teen Mom, stripped my bed and washed my sheets. Oh yeah, and caught about a 15 minute nap.
I have a to-do list about a mile long these days and I didn't get any of it done. So I've decided the first thing on my to-do list every day from now on is "get better." That way, I can always mark something of the list. It may be on the list again the next day, but I need to remember that every day, the most important thing I need to do is work on getting better, whether that means taking a nap, saying a prayer,or having coffee with a friend. That doesn't mean I won't try to accomplish anything else on the list, but the world won't end if I don't get all the laundry finished or there's a cobweb in the corner of my bathroom. The roof didn't fall in when my mom saw how filthy my laundry room is. Eventually everything will fall into place and get back to normal, well, normal for me I suppose.
I have a to-do list about a mile long these days and I didn't get any of it done. So I've decided the first thing on my to-do list every day from now on is "get better." That way, I can always mark something of the list. It may be on the list again the next day, but I need to remember that every day, the most important thing I need to do is work on getting better, whether that means taking a nap, saying a prayer,or having coffee with a friend. That doesn't mean I won't try to accomplish anything else on the list, but the world won't end if I don't get all the laundry finished or there's a cobweb in the corner of my bathroom. The roof didn't fall in when my mom saw how filthy my laundry room is. Eventually everything will fall into place and get back to normal, well, normal for me I suppose.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
skipping around
I know I haven't finished my hospital story yet, and I'm sure I will eventually, but I'm just not in the mood. I once again ignored my gut feeling and paid for it, but some good did come out of it.
I woke up Sunday morning and I was all excited because no one else was up. I was going to make some coffee, check my Facebook, and blog without my family bugging me. So I walked the dog, got the coffee brewing, turned on my laptop and..."Good morning, Mom!" Baby Boy is just so dang cute you can't get mad at him, so I made him something to eat and a little coffee milk and figured I'd get around to my plans later. We'd all had a late night the night before but there was a lot to do before my mom came up to stay with the kids while DH and I went to St. Louis for my doctors' appointments so I went ahead and dragged NumberOneSon and Ms. Thang out of bed, got em going on breakfast, made a list of what they needed to do and ran downstairs to get dressed. DH was already up too. I took off my jammie shirt and what do I see? Hives! I'd been a little itchy but I'd itched for days with all the narcotics so I just hadn't thought much of it. So DH comes back in to get dressed and I asked him if he could see any on my back. Oh yeah...great, allergic reaction to which of the bazillion drugs I'm taking? I'm guessing the antibiotic, which was prescribed by the plastic surgeon so I call him. His recording says to page the plastic surgery resident on call, whom I will now refer to as Dr. Dumbass. So I call the number and get a real person, who puts me on hold and gets Dr. Dumbass on the phone. I give him all the pertinent facts...name, what surgery on what date by what surgeon, symptoms, and what it likely is based on my previous history. I have had allergic reactions to several antibiotics and even had a reaction to penicillin that caused my throat to start closing and really scared me to death. So I guess you could say I've been there, done that, and know the routine. My plan was to get some clothes on and head up to either Urgent Care or the ER, get a steroid shot, maybe some benedryl or something, and go on my merry way. Instead, I listened to Dr. Dumbass. He says, "Well, this sounds like a pretty complicated situation. I'm going to speak to the chief resident and call you back. Have you taken any benedryl?" I told him I had indeed taken some benedryl and hung up with him. He called me back about five minutes later and told me he thought I needed to go to the ER (well, duh, Dr. Dumbass) and not take any more of my antibiotic. Then he put the chief resident on who proceeded to tell me I needed to drive to St. Louis to come to the ER. I asked him why and he said, "Oh, I doubt your local hospital will want to deal with a post-op patient who didn't have surgery there." Hmmm, now I had already considered that but I live nearly 4 hours away from St. Louis. I explained this to him and he said, well you can try your local ER but I doubt they'll do anything other than send you this way. Oh, and don't go to the ER where you had your surgery, come downtown. Now wait a minute...you just said they wouldn't do anything at the hospital where I hadn't had surgery and now you're telling me to go to the hospital where I didn't have surgery...So here's the place where I should have gone with my gut feeling and took a short jaunt up to the Urgent Care at the hospital where I used to work. I blame the drugs...clouded my judgement and besides, Barnes and Wash U are a lot more prestigious than Cox so surely their residents know a little more than ours...um, no. Residents are naive at best and dangerous at worst, but always clueless! In the meantime, DH remembers my penicillin reaction and is chomping at the bit to get going. I looked at the time and thought, by the time we get there and go through the ER and get home, it's almost going to be time to turn around and drive back up for my doctors' appointments. So I grabbed my meds and my makeup bag, threw our toothbrushes and deodorant in and told DH to grab a change of undies. I was going to pack a bag with clothes but he was freaking out so we jumped in the truck and drove off, calling his parents on the way so they could come stay with the kids in case we got back late.
Four hours later, I'm starting to get hives on my face and they're down almost to my knees, the benedryl is not working for the itching, and we get to the ER. The triage nurse looks at me and says, I'm sending you over to Urgent Care. Who told you to come all the way up here for an allergic reaction? The chief resident. I don't think she was impressed. Three hours later, I finally see the PA in Urgent Care. He asked me, who told you to come all the way up here for an allergic reaction? The chief resident. I don't think he was impressed either. He gave me some steroids and something stronger than benedryl for itching and a script for an antibiotic that should provide good coverage that I had taken before without problems. By the time we found a pharmacy that was open on Sunday night and ate something, we were going to be past midnight getting home. And we were planning to drive up the next afternoon anyway for Tuesday appointments. So my poor in-laws had to spend the night at our house ill prepared and DH and I had to spend two nights in St. Louis ill prepared. Fortunately I'd gotten most of the stuff I needed and I found a Wal-mart to round out my wardrobe and personal needs.
The good thing that came out of it was that we got to spend some time with our friends Kondee's Mom and Mando Man. DH and I have not seen Mando Man in quite a while so it was a lot of fun to catch up. We spent time at the place where they're working and then had a nice meal out with them.
I'm falling asleep and I'll start accidentally erasing things if I don't quit for the night. Hopefully I'll have enough time to catch up over the next few days.
I woke up Sunday morning and I was all excited because no one else was up. I was going to make some coffee, check my Facebook, and blog without my family bugging me. So I walked the dog, got the coffee brewing, turned on my laptop and..."Good morning, Mom!" Baby Boy is just so dang cute you can't get mad at him, so I made him something to eat and a little coffee milk and figured I'd get around to my plans later. We'd all had a late night the night before but there was a lot to do before my mom came up to stay with the kids while DH and I went to St. Louis for my doctors' appointments so I went ahead and dragged NumberOneSon and Ms. Thang out of bed, got em going on breakfast, made a list of what they needed to do and ran downstairs to get dressed. DH was already up too. I took off my jammie shirt and what do I see? Hives! I'd been a little itchy but I'd itched for days with all the narcotics so I just hadn't thought much of it. So DH comes back in to get dressed and I asked him if he could see any on my back. Oh yeah...great, allergic reaction to which of the bazillion drugs I'm taking? I'm guessing the antibiotic, which was prescribed by the plastic surgeon so I call him. His recording says to page the plastic surgery resident on call, whom I will now refer to as Dr. Dumbass. So I call the number and get a real person, who puts me on hold and gets Dr. Dumbass on the phone. I give him all the pertinent facts...name, what surgery on what date by what surgeon, symptoms, and what it likely is based on my previous history. I have had allergic reactions to several antibiotics and even had a reaction to penicillin that caused my throat to start closing and really scared me to death. So I guess you could say I've been there, done that, and know the routine. My plan was to get some clothes on and head up to either Urgent Care or the ER, get a steroid shot, maybe some benedryl or something, and go on my merry way. Instead, I listened to Dr. Dumbass. He says, "Well, this sounds like a pretty complicated situation. I'm going to speak to the chief resident and call you back. Have you taken any benedryl?" I told him I had indeed taken some benedryl and hung up with him. He called me back about five minutes later and told me he thought I needed to go to the ER (well, duh, Dr. Dumbass) and not take any more of my antibiotic. Then he put the chief resident on who proceeded to tell me I needed to drive to St. Louis to come to the ER. I asked him why and he said, "Oh, I doubt your local hospital will want to deal with a post-op patient who didn't have surgery there." Hmmm, now I had already considered that but I live nearly 4 hours away from St. Louis. I explained this to him and he said, well you can try your local ER but I doubt they'll do anything other than send you this way. Oh, and don't go to the ER where you had your surgery, come downtown. Now wait a minute...you just said they wouldn't do anything at the hospital where I hadn't had surgery and now you're telling me to go to the hospital where I didn't have surgery...So here's the place where I should have gone with my gut feeling and took a short jaunt up to the Urgent Care at the hospital where I used to work. I blame the drugs...clouded my judgement and besides, Barnes and Wash U are a lot more prestigious than Cox so surely their residents know a little more than ours...um, no. Residents are naive at best and dangerous at worst, but always clueless! In the meantime, DH remembers my penicillin reaction and is chomping at the bit to get going. I looked at the time and thought, by the time we get there and go through the ER and get home, it's almost going to be time to turn around and drive back up for my doctors' appointments. So I grabbed my meds and my makeup bag, threw our toothbrushes and deodorant in and told DH to grab a change of undies. I was going to pack a bag with clothes but he was freaking out so we jumped in the truck and drove off, calling his parents on the way so they could come stay with the kids in case we got back late.
Four hours later, I'm starting to get hives on my face and they're down almost to my knees, the benedryl is not working for the itching, and we get to the ER. The triage nurse looks at me and says, I'm sending you over to Urgent Care. Who told you to come all the way up here for an allergic reaction? The chief resident. I don't think she was impressed. Three hours later, I finally see the PA in Urgent Care. He asked me, who told you to come all the way up here for an allergic reaction? The chief resident. I don't think he was impressed either. He gave me some steroids and something stronger than benedryl for itching and a script for an antibiotic that should provide good coverage that I had taken before without problems. By the time we found a pharmacy that was open on Sunday night and ate something, we were going to be past midnight getting home. And we were planning to drive up the next afternoon anyway for Tuesday appointments. So my poor in-laws had to spend the night at our house ill prepared and DH and I had to spend two nights in St. Louis ill prepared. Fortunately I'd gotten most of the stuff I needed and I found a Wal-mart to round out my wardrobe and personal needs.
The good thing that came out of it was that we got to spend some time with our friends Kondee's Mom and Mando Man. DH and I have not seen Mando Man in quite a while so it was a lot of fun to catch up. We spent time at the place where they're working and then had a nice meal out with them.
I'm falling asleep and I'll start accidentally erasing things if I don't quit for the night. Hopefully I'll have enough time to catch up over the next few days.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Surgery, part deux
OK so I had to re-read what I blogged last time because I wasn't sure how far I'd gotten in the story. Cut me a little slack, I'm still on Vicoden! Friday was a breeze compared to Thursday night, and Dr. B (plastic surgeon) came back to see me in the evening, I think to try to convince me to be discharged. Um, no, not happening. I still had the PCA going but with the distractions of visitors, text messages, TV, and the PO meds I was taking as well, I wasn't using it as much...but I was still using it. We made a deal...PCA came down at 8 PM, the nurse would give me the Vicoden and Toradol scheduled, and I'd get to stay one more night. I think it was a fair compromise. I slept fairly well, but the second night in a recliner really jacked up DH's back. I'm sure he was hoping I'd wake up in the middle of the night and kick him out of the recliner again! Not that he'd want me to be in excruciating pain like I was the night before, but maybe that my back would start hurting a little from the hospital bed. We were up fairly early Saturday morning and Dr. M (breast surgeon) came in and asked if I was ready to go home. Yes ma'am I am! We had already eaten breakfast and I had taken my morning meds. Dr. B had said either Thursday or Friday that I could take a shower on Saturday. So the tech came in and brought me towels and soap, and DH helped me shower.
I know I'm stopping right in the middle of my story, but the kids are up and clamoring for pancakes and I keep getting interrupted. Of course the day I want them to sleep in is the day they are up with the chickens.
I know I'm stopping right in the middle of my story, but the kids are up and clamoring for pancakes and I keep getting interrupted. Of course the day I want them to sleep in is the day they are up with the chickens.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)