Meeting the surgeon

So I met with my surgeon today. The good thing about being a nurse is that you've interacted with a lot of physicians and actually seen them in action, so you know which ones you can trust and which ones you need to run from. It was funny, Dr. G walked in and introduced himself, then he said, have we met before? I told him I'd worked at the hospital and what I used to do and he was like, no wonder you look familiar. We discussed surgical options. Based on the size of the tumor, I'm probably going to need a mastectomy instead of a lumpectomy. I'm debating having both removed and reconstructed, even if I don't have cancer in my other breast. I certainly don't want it to recur in the other breast. He said it was up to me. I go meet with a plastic surgeon week after next and then we'll plan the surgery. I'm thinking around the time the kids go back to school just so they'll be on something of a routine and whoever's watching them will at least be able to send them off to school and have a little free time. I think I'm going to go public on Facebook. I believe I've told (or someone else has told) everyone who needed to hear it from me or family/friends. I don't want people feeling sorry for me, but at the same time I just need everyone to cut me a little slack, you know. There have been times in my life that I just can't believe something is happening to me, usually good things, like when I held my oldest son for the first time, or we moved into the first house we bought, or I rode my motorcycle for the first time. I also can't believe this is happening to me, but it's not good, it's bad. Yes, we caught it early. But you know, women do die from breast cancer. I don't want to be one of those women. Another statistic. I'm a little scared. I'm not worried about my salvation, I have every confidence in that. I'm worried about my kids growing up without a mom. I'm worried about DH's mental well-being. I'm worried that Sis and BFF just can't take one more thing. I'm worried about my parents losing their only child. I just have to pray for God's will to be done, plan ahead and do my best to be ready, and then just see what happens next. I know the Lord won't give me more than I can handle, but I'm shocked at his confidence in me.