Just found out

July 16, 2010 The day my life changed. The day I found out I had breast cancer, officially. I'd had my suspicions for a few weeks, ever since they called me to come back after my screening mammogram for a diagnostic mammogram. I tried to be tough about it, my husband was in town and offered to go with me but I told him I didn't him to be there. I had to go to the bathroom and pull myself together a couple of times. Then they put me in the bad news room, the one with no windows, a Bible, a box of Kleenex and a stack of outdated Better Homes and Gardens. When the radiologist came in to talk to me, I knew it was not good news. I scheduled the biopsy, cancelled my appointment for a bikini wax, and drove home and laid on the couch all afternoon watching Discovery ID and crying and napping intermittently. By the time DH and the kids made it back from his parents, I had pulled myself together. I only told a few people I needed a biopsy. J offered to go with me and I had taken her up on it, but I made the mistake (?) of telling DH that my feelings were a little hurt that my mom had not offered to come up for the biopsy so he made arrangements to be home. He didn't ask me, he just made it happen. He called me on Saturday and told me he'd be home Monday night. Right before my mom called and asked if I needed her to come up! I think my news must have caught her off guard. Truth be told, I'm glad DH came home. He took me to the biopsy and waited and drove me home. He fetched me ice packs and let me sleep in the next morning. And he held me and cried with me when Kim called me Friday morning to tell me I have cancer. It actually makes sense. I've been suspicious that something's wrong for months. The past few months have really sucked with losing my job and not getting unemployment and now those jerks are going after my nursing license. But even before all this started, something just didn't seem right. No energy, Zoloft seemed like it quit working, kept feeling the weird "letdown" feeling in my left breast (never the right) like you get when you're breastfeeding, although it's been over 3 years since I weaned BabyBoy. I'm not the best at remembering to do a monthly self breast exam, but I never felt anything. And before the diagnostic mammogram I went to the NP at JV Clinic and she didn't feel anything either. I guess it's just dumb luck that I decided to have my screening mammogram this year. What if I hadn't? What if I'd waited till I was 40? Would that make a difference? I don't know but let me tell you, now that I know it's there, I just want to get it out of me. I go tomorrow for an MRI and meet with a surgeon Thursday. I guess the good thing about being a nurse is that I know a lot of doctors personally and I feel good about my choice of surgeon. I'm just ready to get this show on the road.