Busy weekend coming up...so I'm procrastinating, of course. BabyBoy's watching SpongeBob and I've been Tweeting and Facebooking all morning. I need to make a list for the store so maybe I can only make one trip to Wal-mart instead of three. I actually need to get out of my La-Z-boy and take a shower first! But my blankie is so warm and the coffee is so good...
OK fine, I'm going, I'm going! Have a good weekend!
Friday, October 29, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
finally! a new post!
I've been threatening to blog for the past few days but I just haven't gotten around to it. You could call it laziness, you could call it not having anything to say, you could call it, oh hell, call it whatever you want. I'm finally getting around to it!
Even DH pointed out that I haven't blogged in a long time. So what to say...hmmm...due to liability issues I'll have to save one story for awhile...so I'll talk about what I've done the past week or so.
Last Thursday afternoon BeBe came over to use my computer because she was having computer problems and had to get her homework e-mailed or uploaded or whatever. While she was here a salesman for the Kirby vacuum cleaner company showed up at my door. Now I've heard their spiel before and 9 times out of 10 I will turn away some guy selling something because I know I'm not going to buy it. The last time I bought something from a door-to-door salesman I got screwed (not literally, pervs!) so I'm not much on buying unless it's being sold by a cute little kid (special needs is even better!) I saw how much dirt it sucked out of my carpet last time and I knew it was out of my price range but what the heck? So Anthony comes in and proceeds to vacuum my floor. For an hour. He kept checking the little dirt thing to see if it was clean and he pulled oh, I dunno, a ton of dirt out of my carpet. You know, their vacuum is also a carpet shampooer so they like to vacuum a part of your floor clean and then shampoo it to show you how awesome their machine is.
So BeBe and I watched Anthony vacuum. She finished her stuff and came and sat on the arm of my chair and we just watched him do housework. It. Was. Awesome. I even moved the other chair and Buddy's crate out of the way so he could vacuum there too. And I let him vacuum my couch and my ceiling fan and blow the dust out of my TV speakers. Poor guy, he was sweating by the time he was done. And then, terrible person that I am, I proceed to not buy his machine. But I did enjoy watching a dude do some housework. Since DH has been working out of town, it's not a sight I get to see much anymore. And I miss it. Very entertaining.
Unfortunately, my entertainment came back to bite me in the ass that night. He stirred up so much dust in my living room that my allergies started acting up and since I have a crappy immune system right now, after hacking all night and barely sleeping, I had a full blown sinus infection the next day. So instead of doing fun stuff over the weekend, I laid around and took antibiotics and antihistamines and tried to get over my crap. And by Monday I was better. I believe the moral of the story is that no good comes from cleaning.
This week it has finally decided to get cold. The first couple of days I was happy with the cooler weather but today just sucked! Ms. Thang had her field trip to the pumpkin patch and poor BabyBoy and I froze our arses off! Thank goodness BeBe was smart and thoughtful enough to bring enough gloves for all of us! Ms. Thang borrowed my fuzzy hat and I couldn't find another one so I just had to make do with my wig and a hoodie. My ears were freezing so I put my hood up and...in a little while my ears were freezing again! I reached up and felt my head and my hood wasn't on anymore, but I couldn't tell because of my wig. So I had to tie my hood like I was 3. Very attractive I'm sure.
Meanwhile my phone is blowing up because two of my guy friends are arguing in the comments of my last Facebook status and I've subscribed to mobile updates on comments on my status. At least the argument was funny...they were both trying to get me to make bacon for them. No that's not some slang...they wanted actual bacon. You see, Hobo was going to come to Girlfriends' Coffee yesterday morning but he was a no-show. He'd said the night before he would come if I made bacon. I just so happened to have a pound of bacon in my fridge that I've been meaning to cook so I told him I'd cook it if he came over. Now I always cook bacon in the oven and it only takes about 20 minutes or so, so I had already figured he'd be a no-show and I wasn't going to start it till he either showed up or at least texted that he was on the way. Yeah, I never heard from him.
So, being the smart ass that I am, I called him out on Facebook. And because I'm too lazy to text two different updates to both Facebook and Twitter, I just sent the same one to both with a trending topic at the end...#noshows. Now trending topics are just a Twitter thing, but when people saw #noshows on Facebook, I got a few comments. An apology from John's Girl for not coming, but she'd called me the night before and had a LEGITIMATE excuse, her kid had a Halloween party. Not, my dog ate my directions, which was Hobo's excuse. Bubba missed it initially because I didn't post till after 2 pm and he was already at work, but he jumped on Hobo's case this morning, specifically with asking me why Hobo was coming to Girlfriends' Coffee when I'd told him before no men allowed. Which he followed up with...oh, nevermind, it is Hobo...classic. The two proceed to insult each other and argue adding about 25 more comments to my status, all of which came to my phone! I was contemplating turning off the mobile updates but I couldn't remember if I could do it from my phone. I honestly can't remember how I set them up to begin with. Oh well, laughing warmed me up so it wasn't all bad.
The field trip was really good. We were the only school group there, and since O-town has its very own pumpkin patch now, we didn't have to travel far and fight with 17 other school groups from Springfield. The staff was very friendly and they had a corn maze, a train, a hay maze, a hay ride, a petting zoo, and pumpkin painting. And they only charged $5 per kid! I think when we went to Jones Farm when NumberOneSon was in first grade it was $7 (and that was a long time ago!) and it was so crowded the kids didn't really have a lot of fun. It was mostly waiting...waiting for the hayride, waiting for the train, waiting, waiting, waiting. And if you know me, I hate to wait! So today was just perfect, except for the wind and the seemingly subarctic temperatures. I know I'm just not used to it yet and a day like today will be a welcome reprieve in January, but right now, even menopausal, I was cold.
This week also brought parent-teacher conferences. Once again, I got to go to school to find out how gifted, perfect, intelligent, witty, and angelic my children are. Oh, no, I'm not being sarcastic, not at all! Actually, I got a good report from all my kids teachers, even NOS. His teachers' only complaints were that he doesn't turn in papers and homework sometimes. I already knew that because I'd seen his grades. But they did compliment him which was a welcome change from last year. I can tell his teachers genuinely like NOS and think he's a good kid. They're 100% right. Now if I could just get him organized. Sadly, he has disorganized ME as an example! But he improves yearly, so I figure one of these days he'll get it all together. And if he doesn't, well, maybe he'll marry a girl who's organized!
Next chemo is Monday. It's the third one so I'm almost 75% done! I'm looking forward to ringing that bell come November 22. I'd love it if DH was home to go with me but the rate they're going they'll be in sunny south Florida till New Years. Hmmm, that's not a bad idea. BFF is supposed to go with me for my last chemo but I haven't heard yet if they approved her day off. Not holding my breath, her company seems to be very arbitrary at times when it comes to their schedule.
Let's see, anything else going on? I have a busy weekend coming up and then I'm just going up and back to St. Louis Monday for my chemo since the kids are out of school. Oh yeah, election day is next Tuesday. We got "hope and change" two years ago and we can all see where that got us. So, vote your conscience and don't just pick the lesser of two evils. There are independents and multiple third parties and in Missouri, at least, there are both Constitution and Libertarian candidates running for many offices. OK I'm getting off my soapbox now.
Even DH pointed out that I haven't blogged in a long time. So what to say...hmmm...due to liability issues I'll have to save one story for awhile...so I'll talk about what I've done the past week or so.
Last Thursday afternoon BeBe came over to use my computer because she was having computer problems and had to get her homework e-mailed or uploaded or whatever. While she was here a salesman for the Kirby vacuum cleaner company showed up at my door. Now I've heard their spiel before and 9 times out of 10 I will turn away some guy selling something because I know I'm not going to buy it. The last time I bought something from a door-to-door salesman I got screwed (not literally, pervs!) so I'm not much on buying unless it's being sold by a cute little kid (special needs is even better!) I saw how much dirt it sucked out of my carpet last time and I knew it was out of my price range but what the heck? So Anthony comes in and proceeds to vacuum my floor. For an hour. He kept checking the little dirt thing to see if it was clean and he pulled oh, I dunno, a ton of dirt out of my carpet. You know, their vacuum is also a carpet shampooer so they like to vacuum a part of your floor clean and then shampoo it to show you how awesome their machine is.
So BeBe and I watched Anthony vacuum. She finished her stuff and came and sat on the arm of my chair and we just watched him do housework. It. Was. Awesome. I even moved the other chair and Buddy's crate out of the way so he could vacuum there too. And I let him vacuum my couch and my ceiling fan and blow the dust out of my TV speakers. Poor guy, he was sweating by the time he was done. And then, terrible person that I am, I proceed to not buy his machine. But I did enjoy watching a dude do some housework. Since DH has been working out of town, it's not a sight I get to see much anymore. And I miss it. Very entertaining.
Unfortunately, my entertainment came back to bite me in the ass that night. He stirred up so much dust in my living room that my allergies started acting up and since I have a crappy immune system right now, after hacking all night and barely sleeping, I had a full blown sinus infection the next day. So instead of doing fun stuff over the weekend, I laid around and took antibiotics and antihistamines and tried to get over my crap. And by Monday I was better. I believe the moral of the story is that no good comes from cleaning.
This week it has finally decided to get cold. The first couple of days I was happy with the cooler weather but today just sucked! Ms. Thang had her field trip to the pumpkin patch and poor BabyBoy and I froze our arses off! Thank goodness BeBe was smart and thoughtful enough to bring enough gloves for all of us! Ms. Thang borrowed my fuzzy hat and I couldn't find another one so I just had to make do with my wig and a hoodie. My ears were freezing so I put my hood up and...in a little while my ears were freezing again! I reached up and felt my head and my hood wasn't on anymore, but I couldn't tell because of my wig. So I had to tie my hood like I was 3. Very attractive I'm sure.
Meanwhile my phone is blowing up because two of my guy friends are arguing in the comments of my last Facebook status and I've subscribed to mobile updates on comments on my status. At least the argument was funny...they were both trying to get me to make bacon for them. No that's not some slang...they wanted actual bacon. You see, Hobo was going to come to Girlfriends' Coffee yesterday morning but he was a no-show. He'd said the night before he would come if I made bacon. I just so happened to have a pound of bacon in my fridge that I've been meaning to cook so I told him I'd cook it if he came over. Now I always cook bacon in the oven and it only takes about 20 minutes or so, so I had already figured he'd be a no-show and I wasn't going to start it till he either showed up or at least texted that he was on the way. Yeah, I never heard from him.
So, being the smart ass that I am, I called him out on Facebook. And because I'm too lazy to text two different updates to both Facebook and Twitter, I just sent the same one to both with a trending topic at the end...#noshows. Now trending topics are just a Twitter thing, but when people saw #noshows on Facebook, I got a few comments. An apology from John's Girl for not coming, but she'd called me the night before and had a LEGITIMATE excuse, her kid had a Halloween party. Not, my dog ate my directions, which was Hobo's excuse. Bubba missed it initially because I didn't post till after 2 pm and he was already at work, but he jumped on Hobo's case this morning, specifically with asking me why Hobo was coming to Girlfriends' Coffee when I'd told him before no men allowed. Which he followed up with...oh, nevermind, it is Hobo...classic. The two proceed to insult each other and argue adding about 25 more comments to my status, all of which came to my phone! I was contemplating turning off the mobile updates but I couldn't remember if I could do it from my phone. I honestly can't remember how I set them up to begin with. Oh well, laughing warmed me up so it wasn't all bad.
The field trip was really good. We were the only school group there, and since O-town has its very own pumpkin patch now, we didn't have to travel far and fight with 17 other school groups from Springfield. The staff was very friendly and they had a corn maze, a train, a hay maze, a hay ride, a petting zoo, and pumpkin painting. And they only charged $5 per kid! I think when we went to Jones Farm when NumberOneSon was in first grade it was $7 (and that was a long time ago!) and it was so crowded the kids didn't really have a lot of fun. It was mostly waiting...waiting for the hayride, waiting for the train, waiting, waiting, waiting. And if you know me, I hate to wait! So today was just perfect, except for the wind and the seemingly subarctic temperatures. I know I'm just not used to it yet and a day like today will be a welcome reprieve in January, but right now, even menopausal, I was cold.
This week also brought parent-teacher conferences. Once again, I got to go to school to find out how gifted, perfect, intelligent, witty, and angelic my children are. Oh, no, I'm not being sarcastic, not at all! Actually, I got a good report from all my kids teachers, even NOS. His teachers' only complaints were that he doesn't turn in papers and homework sometimes. I already knew that because I'd seen his grades. But they did compliment him which was a welcome change from last year. I can tell his teachers genuinely like NOS and think he's a good kid. They're 100% right. Now if I could just get him organized. Sadly, he has disorganized ME as an example! But he improves yearly, so I figure one of these days he'll get it all together. And if he doesn't, well, maybe he'll marry a girl who's organized!
Next chemo is Monday. It's the third one so I'm almost 75% done! I'm looking forward to ringing that bell come November 22. I'd love it if DH was home to go with me but the rate they're going they'll be in sunny south Florida till New Years. Hmmm, that's not a bad idea. BFF is supposed to go with me for my last chemo but I haven't heard yet if they approved her day off. Not holding my breath, her company seems to be very arbitrary at times when it comes to their schedule.
Let's see, anything else going on? I have a busy weekend coming up and then I'm just going up and back to St. Louis Monday for my chemo since the kids are out of school. Oh yeah, election day is next Tuesday. We got "hope and change" two years ago and we can all see where that got us. So, vote your conscience and don't just pick the lesser of two evils. There are independents and multiple third parties and in Missouri, at least, there are both Constitution and Libertarian candidates running for many offices. OK I'm getting off my soapbox now.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Drama drama drama and hair hair hair
Well, just like clockwork, I woke up this morning (I guess since I'm blogging at 1:30 AM technically it was yesterday morning) and felt 100% better. Yippee! I'm officially halfway through chemo! I had a busy day today...PTA in the morning, lunch with my BabyBoy before I took him to school, a massage, a quick trip to Sam's Club (which was fruitless! But I will get what I'm looking for!), a visit with a friend who had surgery last week, and NumberOneSon's last football game. It was a good day, even though it was busy.
Today was punctuated with drama, though. I'm not going to go into any details whatsoever because the details don't really matter. On the one hand, when I started to get sucked in, my human nature made me ask questions and want to hear the scoop. But listening to the scoop only encourages the drama! I've come to the conclusion that there are certain people who enjoy drama. I realize it, I try not to hold it against them, and I still love them. But...I have to not become involved! Which is hard for me because I'm freakin nosy! And even if I think one person is justified in being upset about a situation, the fact of the matter is, if it doesn't involve me, I need to stay out of it. So...I'm staying out of it! I am determined to stay friends with all parties involved and if they ask, inform them that it's between them and has nothing to do with me or my relationship with either of them. Very mature of me huh? Ugh...I really want the scoop! No I don't! Yes I do! No, I don't! AGGGHHH!
OK enough about drama...let's move on to hair!
My stubble on my head has been driving me insane! It's been falling out, albeit slowly, and it itches and it feels funny. So tonight while I was in the shower I lathered up and went Kojak! It's a good thing I have a mirror in the shower (thank you Bed Bath & Beyond clearance rack!) because I missed a few places and had to go back over it. And then I realized...I had no idea what to do after I shaved my head! Do I moisturize or slap on some Aqua Velva? I don't have any Aqua Velva! And is facial moisturizer appropriate for your hairless scalp? So I texted my friend Yul Brenner (at 10:30 PM no less!) and asked him. He told me to rinse with cold water immediately and use moisturizer. It's so good to have friends to get you out of a bind.
Speaking of friends, I have to give a shout-out to my girl EPrez. She sent me a lovely text message Monday afternoon and offered to come over and clean my house! Wow...that, my friends, is love in action! She even cleaned out my fridge and made my kiddos dinner. Her help was a Godsend. I just can't believe how blessed I am to have friends who are so supportive. I don't know what I've ever done to deserve them, but I am so thankful. It will take the rest of my life to pay forward the kindness I've received over the past several months.
So today, I declare my house, my business and a perimeter of 100 feet around me as a hair-free (natural, anyway), drama-free zone. Who's with me?
Alrighty, off to bed. Morning's gonna come early, as my momma used to always say.
Today was punctuated with drama, though. I'm not going to go into any details whatsoever because the details don't really matter. On the one hand, when I started to get sucked in, my human nature made me ask questions and want to hear the scoop. But listening to the scoop only encourages the drama! I've come to the conclusion that there are certain people who enjoy drama. I realize it, I try not to hold it against them, and I still love them. But...I have to not become involved! Which is hard for me because I'm freakin nosy! And even if I think one person is justified in being upset about a situation, the fact of the matter is, if it doesn't involve me, I need to stay out of it. So...I'm staying out of it! I am determined to stay friends with all parties involved and if they ask, inform them that it's between them and has nothing to do with me or my relationship with either of them. Very mature of me huh? Ugh...I really want the scoop! No I don't! Yes I do! No, I don't! AGGGHHH!
OK enough about drama...let's move on to hair!
My stubble on my head has been driving me insane! It's been falling out, albeit slowly, and it itches and it feels funny. So tonight while I was in the shower I lathered up and went Kojak! It's a good thing I have a mirror in the shower (thank you Bed Bath & Beyond clearance rack!) because I missed a few places and had to go back over it. And then I realized...I had no idea what to do after I shaved my head! Do I moisturize or slap on some Aqua Velva? I don't have any Aqua Velva! And is facial moisturizer appropriate for your hairless scalp? So I texted my friend Yul Brenner (at 10:30 PM no less!) and asked him. He told me to rinse with cold water immediately and use moisturizer. It's so good to have friends to get you out of a bind.
Speaking of friends, I have to give a shout-out to my girl EPrez. She sent me a lovely text message Monday afternoon and offered to come over and clean my house! Wow...that, my friends, is love in action! She even cleaned out my fridge and made my kiddos dinner. Her help was a Godsend. I just can't believe how blessed I am to have friends who are so supportive. I don't know what I've ever done to deserve them, but I am so thankful. It will take the rest of my life to pay forward the kindness I've received over the past several months.
So today, I declare my house, my business and a perimeter of 100 feet around me as a hair-free (natural, anyway), drama-free zone. Who's with me?
Alrighty, off to bed. Morning's gonna come early, as my momma used to always say.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Weekend
Just in case anyone reading this has not figured it out yet, I hate being sick. This past weekend has not been easy at all. NumberOneSon spent the night with a friend Friday night so I just hung out with the little ones and went to bed early. Saturday morning we braved Dollar Tree and Wal-mart to finish out our Halloween costumes and decorations. However, by the time we were out of there, I was about ready to collapse! The little ones went to play with their friends and I took a nap.
BeBe and I took our little ones to the Forest of Fears (I accidentally typed Forest of Gears at first, which made me think of what a popular place that would be for most of the guys I know!) and we went ahead and dressed up too. We got some funny looks at McDonald's before hand in our costumes since it's only the middle of October, but oh well, you only live once, right? You'd think they'd never seen a goth fairy or Western Barbie! At least our kids were the best behaved in there! If only we'd have had a video camera to prove it to our husbands!
I think Miss Thang was a little scared but the boys had a blast. NOS was too cool to go to the little kid version of Forest of Fears, so I took him back later for the grown-up version. It was pretty creepy but not terrifying, so I think NOS had a good time. I had to take another nap before I took him though! BeBe took my little kids home with her. She said they were good and were in bed with the TV off ASLEEP by 930. Can you believe that? I have trouble with that on a school night!
BeBe got up and fed them and me breakfast when I went to pick the kids up. She's so awesome! After we got home I took yet another nap (do you see a pattern here?) and then NOS ate dinner. I was hoping we'd get the Halloween decorations up but I just didn't feel like it. Maybe this evening? I don't know, maybe we should wait till the rain is over. Oh yeah, and I have a School District Master Planning Committee meeting tonight. So maybe later this week.
Fortunately, my busy week is next week, so hopefully I can just lay low for a few more days as much as I need to to be able to get the things done that I need to get done. Sadly my house is a huge mess and I don't have much energy to clean it up but I guess it can wait a few more days. I haven't had to cook any for the past week but dishes pile up anyway, you know. I seriously need to bite the bullet and find a maid for awhile.
OK I'm off to rest for a little while before I take a shower and get BabyBoy to school.
BeBe and I took our little ones to the Forest of Fears (I accidentally typed Forest of Gears at first, which made me think of what a popular place that would be for most of the guys I know!) and we went ahead and dressed up too. We got some funny looks at McDonald's before hand in our costumes since it's only the middle of October, but oh well, you only live once, right? You'd think they'd never seen a goth fairy or Western Barbie! At least our kids were the best behaved in there! If only we'd have had a video camera to prove it to our husbands!
I think Miss Thang was a little scared but the boys had a blast. NOS was too cool to go to the little kid version of Forest of Fears, so I took him back later for the grown-up version. It was pretty creepy but not terrifying, so I think NOS had a good time. I had to take another nap before I took him though! BeBe took my little kids home with her. She said they were good and were in bed with the TV off ASLEEP by 930. Can you believe that? I have trouble with that on a school night!
BeBe got up and fed them and me breakfast when I went to pick the kids up. She's so awesome! After we got home I took yet another nap (do you see a pattern here?) and then NOS ate dinner. I was hoping we'd get the Halloween decorations up but I just didn't feel like it. Maybe this evening? I don't know, maybe we should wait till the rain is over. Oh yeah, and I have a School District Master Planning Committee meeting tonight. So maybe later this week.
Fortunately, my busy week is next week, so hopefully I can just lay low for a few more days as much as I need to to be able to get the things done that I need to get done. Sadly my house is a huge mess and I don't have much energy to clean it up but I guess it can wait a few more days. I haven't had to cook any for the past week but dishes pile up anyway, you know. I seriously need to bite the bullet and find a maid for awhile.
OK I'm off to rest for a little while before I take a shower and get BabyBoy to school.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Friends
It's Saturday morning, and I am waxing philosophic while my kids watch old Scooby Doo on Boomerang. I can't take too long though because I need to get to the bank before noon. But last night, while feeling sorry for myself on the phone with DH, I got to thinking about friends, old and new, good and bad, unlikely and obvious. And I started remembering friends from my past, most of whom I've lost touch with over the years. Some of those people I've reconnected with on Facebook (and MySpace when I was on there) but many are just lost forever. And with only a handful of them I've kept in continuous contact.
What got me thinking about friends to begin with is that I feel like I've been let down by one of my friends. I feel silly whining about one friend when so many others have stepped up and gone above and beyond the call of duty. I think the support that we've received from others is something of a testament that if you put out good, good will come back to you. DH and I are not perfect by any means, but we have always tried to do right by people and have always been generous with our time and assistance and our money when we had any. Because of this, we've gotten screwed occasionally over the years, especially DH, but it's hard to change your underlying personality. He's the guy who road a Sportster from northwest Arkansas to the west Texas desert to go to work because he needed to support his family and that was his only reliable vehicle. He's the guy who was on his way home from working in Texas and stopped to help a very old man change a flat tire while the two young capable women with him looked on. He's the guy who put off working on his own bike so he can help a friend get his running, who put sweat equity into someone else's business only to get screwed out of money owed to him for work done months, and now years, before. So a person who puts out good like that has it come back to him right? With what we've faced over the past several months, we have been picked up and dusted off and righted by our friends, and every day I'm thankful for what we have.
But I'm human, so I still want what I can't have. So last night when I was crying on the phone about how I feel abandoned by a certain friend, DH was blunt with me. "That's how she always is...she's selfish. If it's not about her or what she wants to do, she's not interested." Ouch! That's quite a statement. I initially got mad at DH...how can you say that about my friend? But I thought on it for awhile, and he's 100% right, as usual (one of his most annoying qualities). So now here's the dilemma...what do I do with my newfound information? Part of me just wants to call her up and chew her ass out...you're supposed to be my friend, and you've basically disappeared since all this started! Part of me wants to just forget that we were ever friends to begin with. But what am I going to do? Well, I guess I'm going to be a friend to HER. For whatever reason, she can't give me what I need from her right now, but that's OK because plenty of others have stepped in and supported me and my family in this trying time. So without expecting anything from her, I'm going to support her as best I can. And when I can't do it, when I need support myself, I won't expect it from her. If I happen to get it from her I will consider it a pleasant surprise.
I think my friend insecurity started many years ago when I was a little girl growing up in Arkansas. I don't know if it was because I was shy or a pushover, but I always worried about whether people liked me. I'd be playing with a couple of the neighbor girls and invariably they'd start teaming up against me and since I was the youngest, I'd usually go home crying. And of course there was always that one girl who liked to stir up trouble...sometimes I wonder what ever happened to her. I know she moved away a couple of years after we did. Maybe she ended up on one of those reality shows on VH1.
When you are an insecure person, anything that makes you stand out from the crowd, whether in a good or bad way, is extremely stressful. It's much easier just to blend in. And so I did my best to blend in for many years and I don't think I really came into my true self until I was an adult. I was self conscious and afraid of what others thought of me. I wanted to be popular and have all the boys lining up to date me. I was often afraid to speak my mind because if I didn't agree with what everyone else thought I thought I'd lose friends.
I was 16 the first time I realized that what I had to say might be important and someone might listen. I was at an academic summer camp ("nerd camp" I'm pretty sure NumberOneSon would call it) and we'd talk about different things in class and outside of class and people would listen to each other. I'd open my mouth to say something and they were being quiet and thinking about what I said. They cared about my opinion. Not my opinion about Guess vs. Levis jeans or Tom Cruise vs. Brad Pitt, but what I thought about a book we were reading. Or the ongoing conflict in the Middle East. Or abortion. (Let me tell you, it gives you a whole new view of "choice" when you realize you weren't wanted and could have easily and legally been aborted instead of born and adopted). I know when I came back to school in the fall I was a little different, a little more confident in myself. The following summer I did it again, this time for six weeks at Governor's School. And I became a little more confident during my senior year. By the time I went off to college I was not 100% secure (heck, I'm 36 and I'm still not 100% secure!) but I did come to realize that my opinions were just as valuable as anyone else's. It also helped that I was able to meet other boys at these camps, boys who didn't see me as that really smart girl or that girl with the fake front tooth. I think that made it much easier to not be dating much at my school, since I could date elsewhere. Besides, when you date people from other schools people don't know as much of your business!!
So what do insecurity and friendship have to do with each other? I think insecurity leads you to seek out the easy friendship, the one with the person who looks the most like you, who acts the most like you. Or the convenient friendship, the one with your co-worker or your neighbor. The problem with these friendships is they may be superficial and when the going gets tough, they disappear! How many friends have I lost touch with over the years because it was no longer convenient to be friends? We don't live in the same town anymore, I don't go out partying anymore, she doesn't have kids, we don't work together now, etc. I feel bad because I felt like I was good friends with some of these people, and now I don't even know where they live. I realize we all get busy and it is impossible to keep up many close relationships so I have had to learn to let go and realize our friendship was only for a season. I used to get mad...why doesn't she call me? Why doesn't she care about my 30 minute brag session on how high NOS can climb on the school monkey bars? Now I know that we needed each other at that time, to get through high school or college, to weather those first few years as a wife and mother, to pass the time at a job.
As I've gotten older and more secure in myself, I've tried to seek out friendships with a variety of people. Over the years I've become friendly with people of all ages and viewpoints and I've learned a lot from them. I think my friends have helped me to grow into the person I am today and I am thankful for the opportunity to know them. I feel sad that some of the friendships that I thought were real with former co-workers turned out to be friendships of convenience but I am learning to accept things as they are and be thankful for the friends I do have.
And that brings me back around to Facebook. I have heard from so many people that I don't see or talk to regularly anymore for a variety of reasons. I cannot believe the overwhelming support I've received since I went public with my breast cancer journey. There are people who I thought would be Johnny on the spot who've been absent, and people who I thought were only distant memories and faded yearbook photos who've been right there with me. Sharing all this has been healing and helpful for me. I'm not doing it to help anyone but myself, but if it does help someone else than that's good, right?
Alrighty, it's time to get dressed and get to the bank!
What got me thinking about friends to begin with is that I feel like I've been let down by one of my friends. I feel silly whining about one friend when so many others have stepped up and gone above and beyond the call of duty. I think the support that we've received from others is something of a testament that if you put out good, good will come back to you. DH and I are not perfect by any means, but we have always tried to do right by people and have always been generous with our time and assistance and our money when we had any. Because of this, we've gotten screwed occasionally over the years, especially DH, but it's hard to change your underlying personality. He's the guy who road a Sportster from northwest Arkansas to the west Texas desert to go to work because he needed to support his family and that was his only reliable vehicle. He's the guy who was on his way home from working in Texas and stopped to help a very old man change a flat tire while the two young capable women with him looked on. He's the guy who put off working on his own bike so he can help a friend get his running, who put sweat equity into someone else's business only to get screwed out of money owed to him for work done months, and now years, before. So a person who puts out good like that has it come back to him right? With what we've faced over the past several months, we have been picked up and dusted off and righted by our friends, and every day I'm thankful for what we have.
But I'm human, so I still want what I can't have. So last night when I was crying on the phone about how I feel abandoned by a certain friend, DH was blunt with me. "That's how she always is...she's selfish. If it's not about her or what she wants to do, she's not interested." Ouch! That's quite a statement. I initially got mad at DH...how can you say that about my friend? But I thought on it for awhile, and he's 100% right, as usual (one of his most annoying qualities). So now here's the dilemma...what do I do with my newfound information? Part of me just wants to call her up and chew her ass out...you're supposed to be my friend, and you've basically disappeared since all this started! Part of me wants to just forget that we were ever friends to begin with. But what am I going to do? Well, I guess I'm going to be a friend to HER. For whatever reason, she can't give me what I need from her right now, but that's OK because plenty of others have stepped in and supported me and my family in this trying time. So without expecting anything from her, I'm going to support her as best I can. And when I can't do it, when I need support myself, I won't expect it from her. If I happen to get it from her I will consider it a pleasant surprise.
I think my friend insecurity started many years ago when I was a little girl growing up in Arkansas. I don't know if it was because I was shy or a pushover, but I always worried about whether people liked me. I'd be playing with a couple of the neighbor girls and invariably they'd start teaming up against me and since I was the youngest, I'd usually go home crying. And of course there was always that one girl who liked to stir up trouble...sometimes I wonder what ever happened to her. I know she moved away a couple of years after we did. Maybe she ended up on one of those reality shows on VH1.
When you are an insecure person, anything that makes you stand out from the crowd, whether in a good or bad way, is extremely stressful. It's much easier just to blend in. And so I did my best to blend in for many years and I don't think I really came into my true self until I was an adult. I was self conscious and afraid of what others thought of me. I wanted to be popular and have all the boys lining up to date me. I was often afraid to speak my mind because if I didn't agree with what everyone else thought I thought I'd lose friends.
I was 16 the first time I realized that what I had to say might be important and someone might listen. I was at an academic summer camp ("nerd camp" I'm pretty sure NumberOneSon would call it) and we'd talk about different things in class and outside of class and people would listen to each other. I'd open my mouth to say something and they were being quiet and thinking about what I said. They cared about my opinion. Not my opinion about Guess vs. Levis jeans or Tom Cruise vs. Brad Pitt, but what I thought about a book we were reading. Or the ongoing conflict in the Middle East. Or abortion. (Let me tell you, it gives you a whole new view of "choice" when you realize you weren't wanted and could have easily and legally been aborted instead of born and adopted). I know when I came back to school in the fall I was a little different, a little more confident in myself. The following summer I did it again, this time for six weeks at Governor's School. And I became a little more confident during my senior year. By the time I went off to college I was not 100% secure (heck, I'm 36 and I'm still not 100% secure!) but I did come to realize that my opinions were just as valuable as anyone else's. It also helped that I was able to meet other boys at these camps, boys who didn't see me as that really smart girl or that girl with the fake front tooth. I think that made it much easier to not be dating much at my school, since I could date elsewhere. Besides, when you date people from other schools people don't know as much of your business!!
So what do insecurity and friendship have to do with each other? I think insecurity leads you to seek out the easy friendship, the one with the person who looks the most like you, who acts the most like you. Or the convenient friendship, the one with your co-worker or your neighbor. The problem with these friendships is they may be superficial and when the going gets tough, they disappear! How many friends have I lost touch with over the years because it was no longer convenient to be friends? We don't live in the same town anymore, I don't go out partying anymore, she doesn't have kids, we don't work together now, etc. I feel bad because I felt like I was good friends with some of these people, and now I don't even know where they live. I realize we all get busy and it is impossible to keep up many close relationships so I have had to learn to let go and realize our friendship was only for a season. I used to get mad...why doesn't she call me? Why doesn't she care about my 30 minute brag session on how high NOS can climb on the school monkey bars? Now I know that we needed each other at that time, to get through high school or college, to weather those first few years as a wife and mother, to pass the time at a job.
As I've gotten older and more secure in myself, I've tried to seek out friendships with a variety of people. Over the years I've become friendly with people of all ages and viewpoints and I've learned a lot from them. I think my friends have helped me to grow into the person I am today and I am thankful for the opportunity to know them. I feel sad that some of the friendships that I thought were real with former co-workers turned out to be friendships of convenience but I am learning to accept things as they are and be thankful for the friends I do have.
And that brings me back around to Facebook. I have heard from so many people that I don't see or talk to regularly anymore for a variety of reasons. I cannot believe the overwhelming support I've received since I went public with my breast cancer journey. There are people who I thought would be Johnny on the spot who've been absent, and people who I thought were only distant memories and faded yearbook photos who've been right there with me. Sharing all this has been healing and helpful for me. I'm not doing it to help anyone but myself, but if it does help someone else than that's good, right?
Alrighty, it's time to get dressed and get to the bank!
Friday, October 15, 2010
Post chemo #2
Well, Pinup Barber and I got up at crack-30 and drove to St. Louis Monday morning for my second chemo. She wanted me to point out that I was the one running late, not her! Touche! I actually planned the trip so that we had plenty of extra time in case one of us was running late or we had car trouble or something. If you know either of us you'd expect BOTH of us to be running late! So the fact that I was able to send DH a text message at 5:45 telling him we were about to get on I-44 after gassing up at Kearney was really miraculous. We were running only 30 minutes or so behind.
We got there pretty uneventfully, got checked in, I had my labs drawn, waited for the doctor, waited to start my chemo...pretty typical visit, I would assume. This time I had my Emend before my chemo instead of the day after and I think it made a difference, maybe not during the chemo but in the days after. I suppose it always helps to be able to take your meds as you are supposed to. So props to BFF for getting me hooked up!!
I think this time was easier just because I'd done it before, so I kind of knew what to expect. My labs looked good and my liver functions are still going back down to the normal range. Amazingly, my hemoglobin is really good. Strange for someone who's normal anemic, especially since I haven't been taking any extra iron since I started chemo. Unfortunately they were super busy so once again my chemo started late and therefore we finished late! But they stuck me in the corner chair so I didn't have to talk to anyone except the nurse and Pinup Barber.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not asocial by any means, but after that annoying bitch we were stuck beside for HOURS last time (the wife, not the patient) I really didn't even want to make eye contact with anyone, much less small talk. I swear, that chick dogged every single person she'd ever encountered at both hospitals in Springfield with the exception of one person she bragged on. I've worked at both hospitals and I know there are both good and bad doctors and nurses but I would say 99% of them are doing the best they can 99% of the time. Monday morning armchair quarterbacking is much easier than being in the situation where someone is declining and you have to take care of it. I know as a nurse I had more than one occasion where I was having to put pressure on a physician to either give appropriate orders or to come see a patient himself. And there were times I did something without an order first and told the physician later or refused to do an inappropriate order. It's a stressful position to be in, one that I'm not missing at all right now. And let me tell you, as bitter as I'm feeling toward one hospital in Springfield now and as disenchanted as I felt with the other one when I quit, I still did not appreciate hearing such bad things. And I certainly don't want anyone to think the reason I went to Siteman and Barnes is because I think the hospitals in Springfield are inferior. I've probably said this before, but if I was 20 or 30 years older dealing with breast cancer, I'd have probably sought treatment locally. But I didn't want to be my surgeon and oncologist's only "young" patient. Plus I'm super vain and I want my post boob job to be the best and the plastic surgeons in St. Louis are doing some techniques that they're not doing yet in Southwest Missouri. And since I'm in the strangely fortunate position to be able to choose, I chose the best I could.
Wow, that was a big digression from chemo number two. OK back to the story, let's see, where were we? Oh, yeah, we were smart this time and went and got food. I had a Panera gift card and there so happens to be one (well, technically St. Louis Bread Company since we were in St. Louis but if you Google St. Louis Bread Company it directs you to Panera) across from Siteman so we went online and looked at the menu and got the number and ordered our food and Pinup Barber went and picked it up. And we had WAY too much food!! I've really only eaten catered in box lunches and bagels from Panera, (except for the time DH and I went there for breakfast and had those amazing quiches) so I had no idea how big the entrees were. I had a huge salad and she had a huge sandwich and we both had huge bowls of soup. We could have split either the sandwich or the salad and had a bowl of soup with it and still had leftovers! Oh well, it turned out OK because we were there for so long we got hungry again and ended up eating everything except half a sandwich.
I'd been talking to Kondee's Mom off and on and we were trying to figure out how we were going to get together. She only lives two hours away but she'd gotten back from working all weekend at 10 PM the night before and wasn't really wanting to drive back to St. Louis. Can't say that I blame her. So we decided to meet up for dinner in Ste. Genevieve, this very cute river town about halfway between her and us. So as we're making our plans and I'm looking at the time and I'm thinking we'll have time to get down there before it gets dark and we can poke around in some shops and stuff...um, no! Instead, after my chemo was over they sent me to a class about chemo! WTF! I've had two treatments already! I should have had this class last time. Halfway through, what's the point? So I got to listen to a nurse drone on for 45 minutes about stuff I either already knew or I didn't really care about. And I didn't get to do any shopping in Ste. Genevieve! By the time we got out of Siteman and I found the hotel (for some reason I assumed the Hampton Inn at Forest Park would be on Forest Park Blvd) and we got checked in and ready to head back out, it was almost dark. So no poking in shops in a little river town that rolls up the sidewalks at dusk!
We ate at this cute place called Anvil. It was old and had lots of character. Yummy fried food, prices weren't bad, and I managed to be good and only drink iced tea even though they had Stella Artois on tap. All three of us ate just sinful food (well, I think maybe Kondee's Mom had a salad with her french dip!). Pinup Barber and Kondee's Mom hit it off...I wasn't worried cuz they're both friends with me and BFF. The place was full when we got there but before you knew it we were the only ones left and they were cleaning the floors! That's what happens when you get a group of chatty Cathys like us going! And once we got outside, it was such a nice night that I think we probably talked outside for another half hour or so! It was late when we got back to the hotel but we had such a nice time that it was well worth it.
Thanks to good old steroids, though, I had trouble sleeping in my fluffy bed! I tossed and turned for about half an hour and kept thinking, boy I sure wish I'd brought something to help me sleep. Um, chemo brain must have been kicking in...I'd gotten my Ativan refilled that day and had it in my bag! Duh! So I got up to get it and was only going to take a half but I couldn't break it and then I dropped it in the sink and it started dissolving...so I took a whole one. And slept just fine and got up with no problem. I'm thinking maybe I'm developing a tolerance...
Tuesday morning we got up and ate yummy breakfast and headed over to see my plastic surgeon. We talked about the time frame for my reconstructive surgery and how to determine which surgery I'll have. If I want to have a DIEP flap I need to have a CTA of my abdomen to make sure my vessels are growing in the right direction and will be long enough to move from my abdomen to my chest. Since the CTA involves contrast, I'll have to check with my oncologist to make sure I can have that test during chemo. I'm not in a huge hurry anyway and my surgery won't be till sometime next year so I guess there's no rush.
When I was waiting for my oncologist appointment Monday, PB and I were talking to a couple of ladies in the waiting room and they were telling us I could get a free wig downstairs at the Barnard Health and Cancer Information Center. They were already closed by the time we got done with chemo and class Monday, but we had plenty of time Tuesday. The lady who greeted us was very nice and she led us into a room full of wigs and hats and we just went to town. She grabbed a turban and was trying to show me how to tie it but all I could think of was those Ms. Cleo commercials on TV and PB and I just could not stop laughing! Needless to say, I did not get a turban. I got a cute little fuzzy knit hat though. And the most beautiful wig. Seriously, I tried this thing on and I felt like a movie star. I had to fill out an application to prove financial need to get it. It's way better than my real hair. Maybe I'll just shave my head and wear my wig forever!
Once I walked out of there feeling FABULOUS, we went shopping! No we didn't hit the boutiques or the Galleria, or even JCPenney or Macy's, or Target for that matter. We hit GOODWILL! The day before, when I was wandering down Forest Park Blvd looking for the hotel, we saw the biggest Goodwill we'd ever seen. I didn't realize Pinup Barber was also a thrift shopper like me! Yay! We were in there for hours! She was afraid all the stuff she'd gotten wouldn't fit in my trunk but it did. We just had to move some stuff to the back seat and get a little creative. Next time we're borrowing a truck or taking a U-haul or something. We could have bought a ton more stuff if we could have only gotten it home! My weight has been going up and down so much that my jeans are either too big or too small, so I picked up a couple of pairs that fit that day! I wore one of them yesterday and they fit yesterday too, who knows about tomorrow. It's better than sweats every day though.
Wednesday and Thursday were pretty busy days for me this week, and I took advantage of my steroid high to get some stuff done. Unfortunately, I didn't really get my house in order too much. I did get the fridge cleaned out and enough groceries to get by and people are bringing me some food so if this weekend is as shitty as the one after my chemo last time was, I ought to be in a little better shape.
OK well it's time to get BabyBoy fed and ready for CPrez to pick him up for school. I have big plans for a bath and a self mani-pedi this afternoon and maybe a nap!
We got there pretty uneventfully, got checked in, I had my labs drawn, waited for the doctor, waited to start my chemo...pretty typical visit, I would assume. This time I had my Emend before my chemo instead of the day after and I think it made a difference, maybe not during the chemo but in the days after. I suppose it always helps to be able to take your meds as you are supposed to. So props to BFF for getting me hooked up!!
I think this time was easier just because I'd done it before, so I kind of knew what to expect. My labs looked good and my liver functions are still going back down to the normal range. Amazingly, my hemoglobin is really good. Strange for someone who's normal anemic, especially since I haven't been taking any extra iron since I started chemo. Unfortunately they were super busy so once again my chemo started late and therefore we finished late! But they stuck me in the corner chair so I didn't have to talk to anyone except the nurse and Pinup Barber.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not asocial by any means, but after that annoying bitch we were stuck beside for HOURS last time (the wife, not the patient) I really didn't even want to make eye contact with anyone, much less small talk. I swear, that chick dogged every single person she'd ever encountered at both hospitals in Springfield with the exception of one person she bragged on. I've worked at both hospitals and I know there are both good and bad doctors and nurses but I would say 99% of them are doing the best they can 99% of the time. Monday morning armchair quarterbacking is much easier than being in the situation where someone is declining and you have to take care of it. I know as a nurse I had more than one occasion where I was having to put pressure on a physician to either give appropriate orders or to come see a patient himself. And there were times I did something without an order first and told the physician later or refused to do an inappropriate order. It's a stressful position to be in, one that I'm not missing at all right now. And let me tell you, as bitter as I'm feeling toward one hospital in Springfield now and as disenchanted as I felt with the other one when I quit, I still did not appreciate hearing such bad things. And I certainly don't want anyone to think the reason I went to Siteman and Barnes is because I think the hospitals in Springfield are inferior. I've probably said this before, but if I was 20 or 30 years older dealing with breast cancer, I'd have probably sought treatment locally. But I didn't want to be my surgeon and oncologist's only "young" patient. Plus I'm super vain and I want my post boob job to be the best and the plastic surgeons in St. Louis are doing some techniques that they're not doing yet in Southwest Missouri. And since I'm in the strangely fortunate position to be able to choose, I chose the best I could.
Wow, that was a big digression from chemo number two. OK back to the story, let's see, where were we? Oh, yeah, we were smart this time and went and got food. I had a Panera gift card and there so happens to be one (well, technically St. Louis Bread Company since we were in St. Louis but if you Google St. Louis Bread Company it directs you to Panera) across from Siteman so we went online and looked at the menu and got the number and ordered our food and Pinup Barber went and picked it up. And we had WAY too much food!! I've really only eaten catered in box lunches and bagels from Panera, (except for the time DH and I went there for breakfast and had those amazing quiches) so I had no idea how big the entrees were. I had a huge salad and she had a huge sandwich and we both had huge bowls of soup. We could have split either the sandwich or the salad and had a bowl of soup with it and still had leftovers! Oh well, it turned out OK because we were there for so long we got hungry again and ended up eating everything except half a sandwich.
I'd been talking to Kondee's Mom off and on and we were trying to figure out how we were going to get together. She only lives two hours away but she'd gotten back from working all weekend at 10 PM the night before and wasn't really wanting to drive back to St. Louis. Can't say that I blame her. So we decided to meet up for dinner in Ste. Genevieve, this very cute river town about halfway between her and us. So as we're making our plans and I'm looking at the time and I'm thinking we'll have time to get down there before it gets dark and we can poke around in some shops and stuff...um, no! Instead, after my chemo was over they sent me to a class about chemo! WTF! I've had two treatments already! I should have had this class last time. Halfway through, what's the point? So I got to listen to a nurse drone on for 45 minutes about stuff I either already knew or I didn't really care about. And I didn't get to do any shopping in Ste. Genevieve! By the time we got out of Siteman and I found the hotel (for some reason I assumed the Hampton Inn at Forest Park would be on Forest Park Blvd) and we got checked in and ready to head back out, it was almost dark. So no poking in shops in a little river town that rolls up the sidewalks at dusk!
We ate at this cute place called Anvil. It was old and had lots of character. Yummy fried food, prices weren't bad, and I managed to be good and only drink iced tea even though they had Stella Artois on tap. All three of us ate just sinful food (well, I think maybe Kondee's Mom had a salad with her french dip!). Pinup Barber and Kondee's Mom hit it off...I wasn't worried cuz they're both friends with me and BFF. The place was full when we got there but before you knew it we were the only ones left and they were cleaning the floors! That's what happens when you get a group of chatty Cathys like us going! And once we got outside, it was such a nice night that I think we probably talked outside for another half hour or so! It was late when we got back to the hotel but we had such a nice time that it was well worth it.
Thanks to good old steroids, though, I had trouble sleeping in my fluffy bed! I tossed and turned for about half an hour and kept thinking, boy I sure wish I'd brought something to help me sleep. Um, chemo brain must have been kicking in...I'd gotten my Ativan refilled that day and had it in my bag! Duh! So I got up to get it and was only going to take a half but I couldn't break it and then I dropped it in the sink and it started dissolving...so I took a whole one. And slept just fine and got up with no problem. I'm thinking maybe I'm developing a tolerance...
Tuesday morning we got up and ate yummy breakfast and headed over to see my plastic surgeon. We talked about the time frame for my reconstructive surgery and how to determine which surgery I'll have. If I want to have a DIEP flap I need to have a CTA of my abdomen to make sure my vessels are growing in the right direction and will be long enough to move from my abdomen to my chest. Since the CTA involves contrast, I'll have to check with my oncologist to make sure I can have that test during chemo. I'm not in a huge hurry anyway and my surgery won't be till sometime next year so I guess there's no rush.
When I was waiting for my oncologist appointment Monday, PB and I were talking to a couple of ladies in the waiting room and they were telling us I could get a free wig downstairs at the Barnard Health and Cancer Information Center. They were already closed by the time we got done with chemo and class Monday, but we had plenty of time Tuesday. The lady who greeted us was very nice and she led us into a room full of wigs and hats and we just went to town. She grabbed a turban and was trying to show me how to tie it but all I could think of was those Ms. Cleo commercials on TV and PB and I just could not stop laughing! Needless to say, I did not get a turban. I got a cute little fuzzy knit hat though. And the most beautiful wig. Seriously, I tried this thing on and I felt like a movie star. I had to fill out an application to prove financial need to get it. It's way better than my real hair. Maybe I'll just shave my head and wear my wig forever!
Once I walked out of there feeling FABULOUS, we went shopping! No we didn't hit the boutiques or the Galleria, or even JCPenney or Macy's, or Target for that matter. We hit GOODWILL! The day before, when I was wandering down Forest Park Blvd looking for the hotel, we saw the biggest Goodwill we'd ever seen. I didn't realize Pinup Barber was also a thrift shopper like me! Yay! We were in there for hours! She was afraid all the stuff she'd gotten wouldn't fit in my trunk but it did. We just had to move some stuff to the back seat and get a little creative. Next time we're borrowing a truck or taking a U-haul or something. We could have bought a ton more stuff if we could have only gotten it home! My weight has been going up and down so much that my jeans are either too big or too small, so I picked up a couple of pairs that fit that day! I wore one of them yesterday and they fit yesterday too, who knows about tomorrow. It's better than sweats every day though.
Wednesday and Thursday were pretty busy days for me this week, and I took advantage of my steroid high to get some stuff done. Unfortunately, I didn't really get my house in order too much. I did get the fridge cleaned out and enough groceries to get by and people are bringing me some food so if this weekend is as shitty as the one after my chemo last time was, I ought to be in a little better shape.
OK well it's time to get BabyBoy fed and ready for CPrez to pick him up for school. I have big plans for a bath and a self mani-pedi this afternoon and maybe a nap!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Hair
Good grief I can't believe it's been over a week since I blogged! It's probably because I've been busy since I've mostly been feeling better. Like a LOT better. I was planning on wig shopping with Pinup Barber today but we are just too disorganized to get together. I have a wig though so I'll just be a blonde till I get around to getting something that fits my style a little better. It ought to be good for PTA and school board meetings and maybe to get a loan at the bank or something though.
DH made it home at the end of week before last and took off again yesterday evening. It had been almost a month and a week just wasn't enough! He's gotten to miss out on all the fun of me being sick after my chemo. Well, he's gotten to hear about it plenty but not had the pleasure of seeing it in person. So of course the day he gets home is the day I plan fun stuff at night for the kids. We did pass him on our way out of the neighborhood and talk to him for a minute though. The little kiddos went to Family Art Night at the Downtown Y and NumberOneSon and I hit Art Walk.
Art Walk for me is kind of weird because well, I'm just not a big art person. I think I appreciate more the fact that people are being creative and making art than the art itself. NOS is the same way, so neither of us was really interested in trekking through galleries in line with the other drones, ooohhhing and aaahhhing over a Mona Lisa face on a tree trunk body with a strawberry for the sun. OK we didn't actually see anything like that but you get my point...most of it's just kind of...bizarre. Like they're trying too hard to be different. There was an exhibit I had heard about that I was interested in, but I didn't know which gallery and I didn't have time to look online to find it. Oh, well, we walked around, ate dinner, bought some jewelry and dog biscuits, and threw money in a couple guys' guitar case for their singing. We also wandered into a record store and browsed old LPs. I debated buying one for DH for his birthday but we don't have a turntable. If I got an LP I'd wanna listen to it! In addition to the music, posters and T-shirts they were also a head shop. Thank God NOS didn't ask me what all those bongs and pipes were for! I'm not even sure he noticed them, he was drooling over an AC/DC album.
The kids all seemed to have fun. Miss Thang and BabyBoy brought home some cute little art projects and they both climbed the rock wall almost to the top. After stopping for Andy's on the way home, they all crashed and DH and I were finally able to catch up a little. He'd never seen my short hair. And the next morning he didn't get to see much more of it because there was quite a bit on my pillow so I swung by Pinup Barber's after my massage and she gave me a super short haircut while one of the other girls styled my wig. On my friend Car Dude's head. Yeah, we got pictures and put them on Facebook! I ended up with a very cute pixie cut, short enough that I figure I'd better wear earrings and girlie clothing or some people might think I play for the other team!!
Sadly, my pixie cut did not last long. After our rush trip to St. Louis to see Trampled by Turtles (more about that later) and 6 hours sleeping in a full size Super 8 bed with DH (let's just say it wasn't my first time hanging on the edge with him), my hair decided to fall out in full force. I took a quick shower Monday night and it looked like I'd shaved a standard poodle in my shower! OMG I thought I was prepared but I just bawled like a little baby! I even spent about 10 minutes whining to DH about how I was so ready for this to be over. Geez, I'm ashamed. Four chemo treatments and I only felt shitty for a few days after the first one and I'm being a baby. I know of people who've had to do six or eight months or a year of chemo. Three drugs instead of two. Plus radiation. At the same time. I've seen people in the hospital with GI upset so bad they lose half their body weight and mucositis so bad they can't even drink water. And I'm crying over a little lost hair. DH was smart though...he just let me get it out and then I pulled myself together and we went to Purple Burrito. Let me tell you...if you're sad, you won't be after you eat there. It's physically impossible not to smile while eating a chile relleno or a fish taco from there.
Tuesday morning I carefully wrapped a bandanna around my head to contain all the hair...it was making a huge mess...and headed over to see Pinup Barber AGAIN to get my head shaved. Fortunately I'd done all my crying about it the night before and I was able to be cheerful about it. And you know what...I don't look that bad bald! Princess asked me last night how I can manage to pull off ANY hairstyle. I honestly don't know the answer to that one. Pinup Barber said my wig made me look like a politician's wife, so I christened her the "Tipper."
The bad thing about wearing a wig is it's hot. I think the longest I've managed to wear it is maybe 6 hours and I was ready to take it off and throw it about hour 3. I'm going to do some wig shopping this week in St. Louis and see if I can find one with air conditioning or something. Menopausal women do not need something that makes them even warmer! I have a feeling that no matter how awesome the wig, I'm going to be rocking out the baseball caps, scarves and bandannas most of the time.
DH made it home at the end of week before last and took off again yesterday evening. It had been almost a month and a week just wasn't enough! He's gotten to miss out on all the fun of me being sick after my chemo. Well, he's gotten to hear about it plenty but not had the pleasure of seeing it in person. So of course the day he gets home is the day I plan fun stuff at night for the kids. We did pass him on our way out of the neighborhood and talk to him for a minute though. The little kiddos went to Family Art Night at the Downtown Y and NumberOneSon and I hit Art Walk.
Art Walk for me is kind of weird because well, I'm just not a big art person. I think I appreciate more the fact that people are being creative and making art than the art itself. NOS is the same way, so neither of us was really interested in trekking through galleries in line with the other drones, ooohhhing and aaahhhing over a Mona Lisa face on a tree trunk body with a strawberry for the sun. OK we didn't actually see anything like that but you get my point...most of it's just kind of...bizarre. Like they're trying too hard to be different. There was an exhibit I had heard about that I was interested in, but I didn't know which gallery and I didn't have time to look online to find it. Oh, well, we walked around, ate dinner, bought some jewelry and dog biscuits, and threw money in a couple guys' guitar case for their singing. We also wandered into a record store and browsed old LPs. I debated buying one for DH for his birthday but we don't have a turntable. If I got an LP I'd wanna listen to it! In addition to the music, posters and T-shirts they were also a head shop. Thank God NOS didn't ask me what all those bongs and pipes were for! I'm not even sure he noticed them, he was drooling over an AC/DC album.
The kids all seemed to have fun. Miss Thang and BabyBoy brought home some cute little art projects and they both climbed the rock wall almost to the top. After stopping for Andy's on the way home, they all crashed and DH and I were finally able to catch up a little. He'd never seen my short hair. And the next morning he didn't get to see much more of it because there was quite a bit on my pillow so I swung by Pinup Barber's after my massage and she gave me a super short haircut while one of the other girls styled my wig. On my friend Car Dude's head. Yeah, we got pictures and put them on Facebook! I ended up with a very cute pixie cut, short enough that I figure I'd better wear earrings and girlie clothing or some people might think I play for the other team!!
Sadly, my pixie cut did not last long. After our rush trip to St. Louis to see Trampled by Turtles (more about that later) and 6 hours sleeping in a full size Super 8 bed with DH (let's just say it wasn't my first time hanging on the edge with him), my hair decided to fall out in full force. I took a quick shower Monday night and it looked like I'd shaved a standard poodle in my shower! OMG I thought I was prepared but I just bawled like a little baby! I even spent about 10 minutes whining to DH about how I was so ready for this to be over. Geez, I'm ashamed. Four chemo treatments and I only felt shitty for a few days after the first one and I'm being a baby. I know of people who've had to do six or eight months or a year of chemo. Three drugs instead of two. Plus radiation. At the same time. I've seen people in the hospital with GI upset so bad they lose half their body weight and mucositis so bad they can't even drink water. And I'm crying over a little lost hair. DH was smart though...he just let me get it out and then I pulled myself together and we went to Purple Burrito. Let me tell you...if you're sad, you won't be after you eat there. It's physically impossible not to smile while eating a chile relleno or a fish taco from there.
Tuesday morning I carefully wrapped a bandanna around my head to contain all the hair...it was making a huge mess...and headed over to see Pinup Barber AGAIN to get my head shaved. Fortunately I'd done all my crying about it the night before and I was able to be cheerful about it. And you know what...I don't look that bad bald! Princess asked me last night how I can manage to pull off ANY hairstyle. I honestly don't know the answer to that one. Pinup Barber said my wig made me look like a politician's wife, so I christened her the "Tipper."
The bad thing about wearing a wig is it's hot. I think the longest I've managed to wear it is maybe 6 hours and I was ready to take it off and throw it about hour 3. I'm going to do some wig shopping this week in St. Louis and see if I can find one with air conditioning or something. Menopausal women do not need something that makes them even warmer! I have a feeling that no matter how awesome the wig, I'm going to be rocking out the baseball caps, scarves and bandannas most of the time.
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