So much for my resolve to blog more this year...and there's no way I can catch up in one post, so I'll just begin with recent events and eventually work my way through the whole story. It's 2 am and I'm still up because we have a tornado watch and we've had a couple of instances where the storm sirens didn't go off. Usually DH is on stay up half the night until the bad weather has passed duty, but he was falling asleep at 10 pm so I agreed to stay up. I was getting ready to go to bed when Ms. Thang came downstairs crying because she couldn't sleep. Now I personally think thunderstorms are the best sleeping weather but I guess if you're afraid your house is gonna get blown away you might have a little insomnia. So she's laying on the couch, asleep finally, and after talking to several people on Facebook about different things...softball, gay adoption, and getting ripped off at a bar, I am WIDE. FREAKING. AWAKE. So here we are.
The past few months have been something of a whirlwind. Two of my nursing school besties traveled north to help me out at the end of January. I figured they just wanted to come visit and hang out, but nope, we cleaned house. Literally. I took 8 lawn size garbage bags of stuff to Goodwill and threw away at least that many more. We moved furniture, mopped, dusted, vacuumed, straightened, organized, sorted, and on and on and on. And it was a blast. I have never had so much fun cleaning in my life. It's amazing that the bond we formed in nursing school is still so strong that we can drop what we are doing and help each other out when necessary. I only hope someday I can repay the kindness.
This past Thursday I had my tissue expanders in my chest replaced with silicone implants. It was an outpatient procedure, I think we were at the hospital for a total of 6 hours. We stayed the night before and the night after in St. Louis so we'd be close to the hospital if something were to go wrong. But everything went just fine and we drove back Friday.
Do you know anyone that if something bad can happen to them it will happen? Not like tragic, but just stupid. Like if there's a 10% chance of having a side effect of a drug it will happen to them? Yeah, well, if you couldn't think of anyone, then yeah, it's me. My nurse friends will understand this for sure. It seems that my body has developed an allergy to just about every antibiotic I've ever taken. When I had my previous surgery, remember, they gave me clindamycin and steroids and the steroids masked the clindamycin allergy for several days. So since I'm allergic to the pre-op antibiotics they normally give, they gave me vancomycin instead. Now I've given a ton of vanc over the years and I know to give it slowly, usually over 90 to 120 minutes. However, I did not have my nurse hat on that morning, only my patient hat, so when they mixed it and hung it and piggybacked it into my IV fluids and used dial-a-flow tubing to 250 ml per hour. It was mixed in a 250 ml bag so I would get all of it in an hour. Only...I didn't. I got it in more like 30 minutes. Ever heard of red-man syndrome? I was laying there and my head started itching severely. I thought it was the little surgical cap so I took it off and I was just clawing at my head. My doctor walked in and asked DH, is she normally this red? He said no. The the doctor said, oh I bet it's the vanc, let's slow it down. And he reached up to turn it down and it was all infused. My face and upper chest were severely flushed and it's finally starting to fade today. He told the nurse to have anesthesia give me some benedryl. I've given a lot of benedryl over the years too, and you're supposed to dilute it and push it slowly. Now I know why. It felt like my arm was on fire when she pushed it. I even complained and she didn't even slow down. For a minute I thought the IV had blown and I had an armful of vanc. Then she turned up the IV fluids and gave me the versed and that shut me up!
I vaguely remember moving from the stretcher over to the table in the OR. They started getting me positioned and had my arms strapped down and my nose and head were itching. So I wiggled my left arm out so I could scratch. I don't think they liked that much and they put the mask on my face and gave me more drugs so I would cooperate! The next thing I knew I was in recovery. I drank some diet Pepsi and ate some vanilla wafers, walked to the bathroom to pee, then got dressed and left.
Dr. B said I have to wear an underwire bra and a belt above my boobs for the next 30 days. Well I guess now it's 26 days. In any case, OUCH!! I couldn't wear an underwire after my first surgery so I had gotten used to a softer type of bra. Or sometimes just a tank top under my t-shirt. So putting hardware back in there plus a belt on top, well, let's just say it's not the most comfortable feeling. But it is nice to have boobs that don't feel like boulders sitting under my chin anymore. And I'm sure the time will fly by quickly since I'm pretty busy the next few weeks.
DH says my diet is crap and I've got to start eating better. I take vitamins, doesn't that count? OK fine, I'll eat more veggies and less fast food. I'm feeling better so I should be able to get back in the habit of cooking most of the time. I do like to cook, but it can be a lot of work, especially the clean up. But I know I need to take better care of myself and my family so we can all live for a good long time.
Well I have more to say but I think it's gonna have to wait for another day. I'm getting sleepy now and Ms. Thang is out!!
Monday, February 28, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Resolve
Well, my unstated resolution for 2011 was to update my blog more often. Looking back over my posts over the past several months, I've noticed a pattern. When things are going badly, I blog a lot. When they are going good, not so much. So this year I'm going to try to blog during both good and bad times and see if it doesn't seem more balanced.
So, what is today? A good day or a bad day? Well, a little of both I guess. The kiddos are back in school and things are kind of getting back to normal around here. I say kind of because DH is still at home and I'm not really sure when he's supposed to go back to work. Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE having him home, but he's kind of a bad influence on me. He makes me wanna sit around and watch movies and hang out and talk and not do housework or errands or clean out the humongous piles of crap (not literal crap, just random stuff) in my bedroom and laundry room and closets and then kids' rooms (see a pattern here?). So right now my furniture is all askew, all the bedrooms are a wreck, and there's probably 17 loads of laundry to be done. I guess we have been making up for time spent apart and I guess all that crap will still be there when he goes back to work. The only problem is I have company coming in a couple of weeks and I don't want them to think I live like this!! So I've got to get some motivation going and get at least some of it straightened up. It will probably help my frame of mind too.
I'm a little worried about DH. I know he stresses about money when he's not working. I do too, that's why I paid some bills early last month because I knew he'd be off. I don't want him to worry though. The past year has taught me so much how God truly does provide. Maybe not everything you want, but certainly everything you need. I lost my job, DH got one that paid way better than mine so we're in a better place financially. I lost my insurance and got cancer, I got MOHealthnet that covers more and allowed me to go to better physicians at a top cancer center instead of the local hospital that was the only option on my employer's insurance. I had something of a strained relationship with my parents, but they came through and helped us out of the love that was always there and I've been more open with them without feeling rejected because some of my actions and beliefs are different from theirs. Now we have a better relationship and I don't feel like I'm hiding things anymore. I thought I had it all together, but no one has it all together and everyone needs help from time to time. I leaned on friends and family for support and meals and help with housework and I discovered some amazing friends that I maybe had overlooked. I found that some friends that I thought would always be there for me really weren't all that great but they were doing the best they can. I started seeing people for what they are...some are self-absorbed and some are not...some are there at the drop of a hat and some will tell you they will be but then leave you high and dry.
Having a serious illness opened my eyes to see through a lot of bullshit. Maybe that's not the nicest way to put it but it's real, for God's sake. There are a lot of phony people in the world, people who are all talk and no action. People waste a lot of time gossiping and judging when what they should be doing is loving and helping and praying. I know over the past several months I've had a lot of people praying for me and my family. Probably a lot of those people I don't even know, but they still took the time to pray for a young mother's healing and survival and for my children's well-being. Some of that prayer was also backed up by action...meals, gift cards, help with travel expenses, driving me to chemo, helping out with child care, taking kids back and forth to school and football, cleaning my house, cleaning out my fridge, and so many other actions that I can't think of right now. My cup truly runneth over.
Cancer also made me take a look at who I truly am, not just what people see. Is the image I project the real me? It should be, and I am trying very hard to make sure that it is. I am not the same girl I was when I was 10 or 20 or even 30. I am changing and growing all the time. Why do I wear the clothes I wear or style my hair a certain way? Do I really like it or am I doing it because it's the fashion or to please someone else? What about my make-up, jewelry, tattoos, and head coverings? All these things reflect me, the real me, not the "me" that other people may want me to be but the one who is evolving every day. And my words...are they real or fake? Do I mean what I say and say what I mean? I hope so...I'm trying every day. I may not be going to church right now but I do pray a lot. And I try to be me...just me...imperfect, wart and all.
And now, the real me has to go pick BabyBoy up from school!
So, what is today? A good day or a bad day? Well, a little of both I guess. The kiddos are back in school and things are kind of getting back to normal around here. I say kind of because DH is still at home and I'm not really sure when he's supposed to go back to work. Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE having him home, but he's kind of a bad influence on me. He makes me wanna sit around and watch movies and hang out and talk and not do housework or errands or clean out the humongous piles of crap (not literal crap, just random stuff) in my bedroom and laundry room and closets and then kids' rooms (see a pattern here?). So right now my furniture is all askew, all the bedrooms are a wreck, and there's probably 17 loads of laundry to be done. I guess we have been making up for time spent apart and I guess all that crap will still be there when he goes back to work. The only problem is I have company coming in a couple of weeks and I don't want them to think I live like this!! So I've got to get some motivation going and get at least some of it straightened up. It will probably help my frame of mind too.
I'm a little worried about DH. I know he stresses about money when he's not working. I do too, that's why I paid some bills early last month because I knew he'd be off. I don't want him to worry though. The past year has taught me so much how God truly does provide. Maybe not everything you want, but certainly everything you need. I lost my job, DH got one that paid way better than mine so we're in a better place financially. I lost my insurance and got cancer, I got MOHealthnet that covers more and allowed me to go to better physicians at a top cancer center instead of the local hospital that was the only option on my employer's insurance. I had something of a strained relationship with my parents, but they came through and helped us out of the love that was always there and I've been more open with them without feeling rejected because some of my actions and beliefs are different from theirs. Now we have a better relationship and I don't feel like I'm hiding things anymore. I thought I had it all together, but no one has it all together and everyone needs help from time to time. I leaned on friends and family for support and meals and help with housework and I discovered some amazing friends that I maybe had overlooked. I found that some friends that I thought would always be there for me really weren't all that great but they were doing the best they can. I started seeing people for what they are...some are self-absorbed and some are not...some are there at the drop of a hat and some will tell you they will be but then leave you high and dry.
Having a serious illness opened my eyes to see through a lot of bullshit. Maybe that's not the nicest way to put it but it's real, for God's sake. There are a lot of phony people in the world, people who are all talk and no action. People waste a lot of time gossiping and judging when what they should be doing is loving and helping and praying. I know over the past several months I've had a lot of people praying for me and my family. Probably a lot of those people I don't even know, but they still took the time to pray for a young mother's healing and survival and for my children's well-being. Some of that prayer was also backed up by action...meals, gift cards, help with travel expenses, driving me to chemo, helping out with child care, taking kids back and forth to school and football, cleaning my house, cleaning out my fridge, and so many other actions that I can't think of right now. My cup truly runneth over.
Cancer also made me take a look at who I truly am, not just what people see. Is the image I project the real me? It should be, and I am trying very hard to make sure that it is. I am not the same girl I was when I was 10 or 20 or even 30. I am changing and growing all the time. Why do I wear the clothes I wear or style my hair a certain way? Do I really like it or am I doing it because it's the fashion or to please someone else? What about my make-up, jewelry, tattoos, and head coverings? All these things reflect me, the real me, not the "me" that other people may want me to be but the one who is evolving every day. And my words...are they real or fake? Do I mean what I say and say what I mean? I hope so...I'm trying every day. I may not be going to church right now but I do pray a lot. And I try to be me...just me...imperfect, wart and all.
And now, the real me has to go pick BabyBoy up from school!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
new year...new post!
We had a good time last night for New Years. DH and I celebrated at our bar. The nice thing about owning your own place is when you close you can kick everyone out and then hang out. Which is what we did last night. It was cool to just visit with BFF and BD for awhile last night. OK technically early this morning.
I've been pondering New Year's resolutions for a couple of weeks and I still haven't decided if I'm gonna make any. Usually it's just a setup for epic fail. Maybe my resolution should be not to make resolutions. In any case, I do have some big plans for the new year. I'm not sure exactly what they are but when I come up with them I will let you know.
Right now I'm trying to decide whether to make my own birthday cake or send DH out to the store to buy one. I'm leaning toward making my own...I have a bundt cake pan that I haven't used in quite a while. I even got it out and looked at it yesterday. When DH asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I told him to just take the kids to the store and let them pick out something. I'm kind of anxious to open my presents and see how they did.
So far 37 feels strangely similar to 36. My back hurts this morning but it's been hurting for several days so I don't think it's age related. I've gotten a ton of happy birthdays on my Facebook and phone and I appreciate every one of them.
Alrighty, then. Time to head upstairs and get the cake going. I will have to send poor DH out for some black eyed peas for good luck!
I've been pondering New Year's resolutions for a couple of weeks and I still haven't decided if I'm gonna make any. Usually it's just a setup for epic fail. Maybe my resolution should be not to make resolutions. In any case, I do have some big plans for the new year. I'm not sure exactly what they are but when I come up with them I will let you know.
Right now I'm trying to decide whether to make my own birthday cake or send DH out to the store to buy one. I'm leaning toward making my own...I have a bundt cake pan that I haven't used in quite a while. I even got it out and looked at it yesterday. When DH asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I told him to just take the kids to the store and let them pick out something. I'm kind of anxious to open my presents and see how they did.
So far 37 feels strangely similar to 36. My back hurts this morning but it's been hurting for several days so I don't think it's age related. I've gotten a ton of happy birthdays on my Facebook and phone and I appreciate every one of them.
Alrighty, then. Time to head upstairs and get the cake going. I will have to send poor DH out for some black eyed peas for good luck!
Friday, December 31, 2010
I'm still here!!
DH asked me last week if I've given up on blogging. My answer: a resounding NO!! I've actually been super busy and I can't just sit down and write without inspiration and time. Sadly, I've had inspiration but no time! So today, on the last day of 2010, a year that has brought about an extraordinary amount of change that I could not haven even begun to imagine, I will share my thoughts on the events of the past year and my hopes for the upcoming one. DH is home and watching a movie I've already seen so I can write during the less exciting parts.
He's watching Shining Through, a wonderful World War II spy movie with Melanie Griffith and Michael Douglas. As good as the movie is, the book is even better and I highly recommend both. I am not a huge fan of either of the main actors but I can forgive their creepiness, at least while I'm watching this movie.
Anyway, on to my thoughts. Don't worry, it will be short! Well, maybe...
Over the past year I have had enormous changes in my life, enough change to last me a lifetime. If you had told me last year on my 36th birthday what would happen in 2010, I would not have believed you. But here I am, 364 days later, still here, living to tell the tale.
I'm sure you've heard the saying, "When God closes a door, he opens another." Well, this past year is living proof of that adage. In my case, I think he closed a doggie door and opened an airport hangar door!
Things started off nicely, I thought in 2010. I had the best birthday party ever! A party bus going back and forth between Hooligans and Lindberg's with live bands at each one was just awesome. Now, obviously, it was not just for my birthday, but it was on my birthday so I'm counting it as my party! We were talking the other day and I think we're gonna do it again this year, but not on my birthday since that's tomorrow! Maybe on BFF's birthday this year. We'll have to look at the calendar.
Work seemed to be going well. I got along with my boss, and I thought that the issues I'd had with a couple of my co-workers were long resolved. So you can imagine my surprise when one of those co-workers, a lady whom I'd counseled on problems with her teenage stepson, prayed for, eaten with, exchanged Christmas gifts with, congratulated when she passed her certification exam, and worked, I thought, side by side as both colleagues and friends, lied about what I had told her about a situation with a patient. And as if that wasn't bad enough, my boss, whom I'd also eaten with, exchanged Christmas presents with, traveled with, received nice hand-me-down clothing for my kids from, and honestly considered to be a good friend, believed what she said and didn't even bother to ask me about it. Didn't even talk to me about it first before dragging me into HR and throwing me to the wolves. And once I got into HR, I was handed a typed report of the lies the co-worker had told to my boss and told I was suspended until the investigation was complete. They called me back in a week later and told me I was fired. I fortunately saw the writing on the wall in HR the day I was suspended and took as many of my belongings out of my desk as I could. I took copies of some of the policies and a procedure checklist for the incident which was complained about. When I applied for unemployment I sent a copy of these along to the caseworker because my former employer contested my benefits. They said I had violated a policy. Well, apparently, they made up a new policy and backdated it to before when the incident took place and submitted that to the caseworker and he ruled in their favor. So I've gotten to be unemployed for the last eight months without receiving unemployment. I guess that's good for the Obama administration because I don't count in the unemployment statistics.
I feel kind of bad because I've not kept in touch very well with my co-workers I did like. I had lunch with my former boss and two of my nice co-workers and it was awkward. My former boss was actually complaining that state regulators were making them change their practices and it was all I could do to not say that they brought it on themselves. Because when they fired me, they filed a complaint against my license, and the board investigation brought in state investigators and they looked at the whole process, not just what happened with me. I received a letter from the state board in July, around the time I got my cancer diagnosis, stating my former employer had lodged a complaint against me. I didn't even bother to reply. A few weeks ago I got another letter from the board, stating they had found I had done nothing wrong and no action would be taken against my license. So without my even defending myself, an objective outside party looked at the situation and determined I had not acted inappropriately. All this leads me to believe, that, with or without collusion from my boss, HR decided to get rid of me before I ever walked in to that office. I do find it interesting that my boss hired one of her friends to take my former position.
Now, having said all that...am I bitter? Oh, maybe a little, but it's fading. And the whole incident taught me a few valuable life lessons. Number one: your boss is not your friend. Period. Ever. You can be friendly but do not ever expect that they will have your back if something happens. Number two: once you have an enemy at work, that person will always be an enemy, even if you think everything is water under the bridge. Never trust them again. Number three: always go with your gut. The whole situation would not have even happened if I had not ignored my gut feeling.
I don't think I had ever felt as low as I did the day I walked out of HR after being fired. But it turns out that the worse was yet to come.
Last January I finally went to the female doctor for the first time in three years. The last OB-GYN I'd gone to since my insurance changed was such an asshole that I could not bring myself to make another appointment with him. And I didn't have any good leads for a different one so I just didn't go. But after almost three years and one of my friends nagging me, I finally found a doctor and made an appointment. I actually didn't see the doctor but I saw her nurse practicioner and I absolutely loved her!! And it was the NP who asked me if I wanted to have a screening mammogram this year. So it's her fault I got breast cancer! Nah, not really, thanks to her, my breast cancer was caught very early.
Getting fired absolutely sucks. Facing the possibility of cancer when you don't have a job or insurance is terrifying. But the women I met through Show Me Healthy Women and Jordan Valley Community Health Center helped put my mind at ease. Show Me Healthy Women paid for my diagnostic mammogram and biopsy, and the social worker at Jordan Valley set me up with a program through Missouri Healthnet for women who have gone through the Show Me Healthy Women program who get diagnosed with cancer. Thanks to this program, I have been able to get care at one of the best cancer centers in America, Siteman Cancer Center at Barnes Jewish Hospital and Washington University School of Medicine. I honestly think I am getting better care than I would have on my employer's insurance and I have not had to worry about trying to keep my job to keep my benefits or paying through the nose for COBRA coverage while I'm getting treated.
So I guess getting fired was a blessing in disguise. But it doesn't make me feel any better about the shoddy way I was treated. Especially being lied about. Even at almost 37, I still worry about what people think of me. And I would hate for any of my former co-workers, people outside of my small group who worked with me only occasionally, to think I would mistreat a patient.
So let's see...we've covered the job loss, the cancer diagnosis...what else do I need to talk about? Oh yeah, the cancer treatment. If you've followed my blog you've heard firsthand a lot of what I've gone through. At this point, I feel so much relief that it is finally over. Well, kind of. I still have to have reconstructive surgery and I have to take these stupid pills and shots that put me into menopause for the next five years. But I get to spend those years with my family, being mom and wife and daughter and sister (ok technically sister-in-law but I consider DH's family to be my own). That is the best gift I could be given.
Sadly, my year has not ended on a positive note. A good friend of mine and DH's was brutally murdered a couple of weeks ago. There have been different stories circulating about what led up to his murder and why the piece of shit who killed him did it, but it all boils down to this: he was our friend, just like family, and what happened to him SHOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED. He was snuffed out before his time and the actions of his murderer have caused a lot of pain for JM's daughter, father, step-son, other family and all his friends who were his extended family. I knew JM well, for several years, and I do not believe the reason the murderer gave to the police. I am not sure what to think of what the step-son has to say. I will pray for JM's family and pray for justice for his murder. What I said on my Facebook was absolutely true. My heart was truly broken when I heard the news. For such a gentle, sweet man to be taken from us is an absolute tragedy.
For all the bad things that happened in 2010, I am still thankful to be here to have experienced them. Everything happens for a reason, and God does not give us more than we can handle. I think He must have a little more confidence in me that I have.
Here's to 2011 being a happy, prosperous, calm and beautiful year.
He's watching Shining Through, a wonderful World War II spy movie with Melanie Griffith and Michael Douglas. As good as the movie is, the book is even better and I highly recommend both. I am not a huge fan of either of the main actors but I can forgive their creepiness, at least while I'm watching this movie.
Anyway, on to my thoughts. Don't worry, it will be short! Well, maybe...
Over the past year I have had enormous changes in my life, enough change to last me a lifetime. If you had told me last year on my 36th birthday what would happen in 2010, I would not have believed you. But here I am, 364 days later, still here, living to tell the tale.
I'm sure you've heard the saying, "When God closes a door, he opens another." Well, this past year is living proof of that adage. In my case, I think he closed a doggie door and opened an airport hangar door!
Things started off nicely, I thought in 2010. I had the best birthday party ever! A party bus going back and forth between Hooligans and Lindberg's with live bands at each one was just awesome. Now, obviously, it was not just for my birthday, but it was on my birthday so I'm counting it as my party! We were talking the other day and I think we're gonna do it again this year, but not on my birthday since that's tomorrow! Maybe on BFF's birthday this year. We'll have to look at the calendar.
Work seemed to be going well. I got along with my boss, and I thought that the issues I'd had with a couple of my co-workers were long resolved. So you can imagine my surprise when one of those co-workers, a lady whom I'd counseled on problems with her teenage stepson, prayed for, eaten with, exchanged Christmas gifts with, congratulated when she passed her certification exam, and worked, I thought, side by side as both colleagues and friends, lied about what I had told her about a situation with a patient. And as if that wasn't bad enough, my boss, whom I'd also eaten with, exchanged Christmas presents with, traveled with, received nice hand-me-down clothing for my kids from, and honestly considered to be a good friend, believed what she said and didn't even bother to ask me about it. Didn't even talk to me about it first before dragging me into HR and throwing me to the wolves. And once I got into HR, I was handed a typed report of the lies the co-worker had told to my boss and told I was suspended until the investigation was complete. They called me back in a week later and told me I was fired. I fortunately saw the writing on the wall in HR the day I was suspended and took as many of my belongings out of my desk as I could. I took copies of some of the policies and a procedure checklist for the incident which was complained about. When I applied for unemployment I sent a copy of these along to the caseworker because my former employer contested my benefits. They said I had violated a policy. Well, apparently, they made up a new policy and backdated it to before when the incident took place and submitted that to the caseworker and he ruled in their favor. So I've gotten to be unemployed for the last eight months without receiving unemployment. I guess that's good for the Obama administration because I don't count in the unemployment statistics.
I feel kind of bad because I've not kept in touch very well with my co-workers I did like. I had lunch with my former boss and two of my nice co-workers and it was awkward. My former boss was actually complaining that state regulators were making them change their practices and it was all I could do to not say that they brought it on themselves. Because when they fired me, they filed a complaint against my license, and the board investigation brought in state investigators and they looked at the whole process, not just what happened with me. I received a letter from the state board in July, around the time I got my cancer diagnosis, stating my former employer had lodged a complaint against me. I didn't even bother to reply. A few weeks ago I got another letter from the board, stating they had found I had done nothing wrong and no action would be taken against my license. So without my even defending myself, an objective outside party looked at the situation and determined I had not acted inappropriately. All this leads me to believe, that, with or without collusion from my boss, HR decided to get rid of me before I ever walked in to that office. I do find it interesting that my boss hired one of her friends to take my former position.
Now, having said all that...am I bitter? Oh, maybe a little, but it's fading. And the whole incident taught me a few valuable life lessons. Number one: your boss is not your friend. Period. Ever. You can be friendly but do not ever expect that they will have your back if something happens. Number two: once you have an enemy at work, that person will always be an enemy, even if you think everything is water under the bridge. Never trust them again. Number three: always go with your gut. The whole situation would not have even happened if I had not ignored my gut feeling.
I don't think I had ever felt as low as I did the day I walked out of HR after being fired. But it turns out that the worse was yet to come.
Last January I finally went to the female doctor for the first time in three years. The last OB-GYN I'd gone to since my insurance changed was such an asshole that I could not bring myself to make another appointment with him. And I didn't have any good leads for a different one so I just didn't go. But after almost three years and one of my friends nagging me, I finally found a doctor and made an appointment. I actually didn't see the doctor but I saw her nurse practicioner and I absolutely loved her!! And it was the NP who asked me if I wanted to have a screening mammogram this year. So it's her fault I got breast cancer! Nah, not really, thanks to her, my breast cancer was caught very early.
Getting fired absolutely sucks. Facing the possibility of cancer when you don't have a job or insurance is terrifying. But the women I met through Show Me Healthy Women and Jordan Valley Community Health Center helped put my mind at ease. Show Me Healthy Women paid for my diagnostic mammogram and biopsy, and the social worker at Jordan Valley set me up with a program through Missouri Healthnet for women who have gone through the Show Me Healthy Women program who get diagnosed with cancer. Thanks to this program, I have been able to get care at one of the best cancer centers in America, Siteman Cancer Center at Barnes Jewish Hospital and Washington University School of Medicine. I honestly think I am getting better care than I would have on my employer's insurance and I have not had to worry about trying to keep my job to keep my benefits or paying through the nose for COBRA coverage while I'm getting treated.
So I guess getting fired was a blessing in disguise. But it doesn't make me feel any better about the shoddy way I was treated. Especially being lied about. Even at almost 37, I still worry about what people think of me. And I would hate for any of my former co-workers, people outside of my small group who worked with me only occasionally, to think I would mistreat a patient.
So let's see...we've covered the job loss, the cancer diagnosis...what else do I need to talk about? Oh yeah, the cancer treatment. If you've followed my blog you've heard firsthand a lot of what I've gone through. At this point, I feel so much relief that it is finally over. Well, kind of. I still have to have reconstructive surgery and I have to take these stupid pills and shots that put me into menopause for the next five years. But I get to spend those years with my family, being mom and wife and daughter and sister (ok technically sister-in-law but I consider DH's family to be my own). That is the best gift I could be given.
Sadly, my year has not ended on a positive note. A good friend of mine and DH's was brutally murdered a couple of weeks ago. There have been different stories circulating about what led up to his murder and why the piece of shit who killed him did it, but it all boils down to this: he was our friend, just like family, and what happened to him SHOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED. He was snuffed out before his time and the actions of his murderer have caused a lot of pain for JM's daughter, father, step-son, other family and all his friends who were his extended family. I knew JM well, for several years, and I do not believe the reason the murderer gave to the police. I am not sure what to think of what the step-son has to say. I will pray for JM's family and pray for justice for his murder. What I said on my Facebook was absolutely true. My heart was truly broken when I heard the news. For such a gentle, sweet man to be taken from us is an absolute tragedy.
For all the bad things that happened in 2010, I am still thankful to be here to have experienced them. Everything happens for a reason, and God does not give us more than we can handle. I think He must have a little more confidence in me that I have.
Here's to 2011 being a happy, prosperous, calm and beautiful year.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Catch up time
Well, the past couple of weeks have been fairly busy, so I've not had time to blog. Actually, that's not quite true...I've had time, I just haven't had much to say or known how to say what I do have to say. But what the heck? Let's see what I can spew forth.
RIP Leslie Nielsen and Elizabeth Edwards. I laughed my ass off at his movies and although I didn't agree with her politics, her fight against breast cancer was valiant.
I hate hearing about women dying of breast cancer because I'm afraid that will be me. Even though my cancer was caught early and had not spread out of the breast, it makes me nervous when I hear about someone whose cancer recurred and now they are terminal or have died. I have way too much left to do in my life. So I try to live each day as though my days were numbered. Which is probably why I never have any clean laundry. I mean, who wants to do laundry on the last day of their life?
DH made it home (finally!) last Friday night. Technically Saturday morning at 12:30. I waited up for him. Well, actually I fell asleep on the couch in my cute little nightgown but I wasn't in bed sound asleep when he got home. Since Monday we've been waiting for the phone call saying he has to come back to work. Even though we'll probably be broke as hell and at each other's throats (that's based on previous experience) I still don't really want him to go back out again until after the holidays. I have a honey-do list for him that's approximately a mile long, mostly bar stuff, and if he leaves again we'll have to start all over getting him rested up and ready to go back to work for free. Well, I don't guess it's free, we do make money off the bar (a little!) but it's not the same as getting an hourly wage. I'm not sure he'd agree that cleaning out the storeroom and putting up more shelves will lead to an increase in beer sales.
Speaking of the bar, I had my first week of being the owner on duty last week. Holy smokes, I was busy!! Between doing the deposit every day, paying the bills, doing the shopping, and ordering stuff, I was busy for minimum of an hour every day! But at the end of the week I felt better about how things were going and I'm glad I'm feeling like getting my nose into what's really going on. Oh how I wish things would just go gangbusters and I could turn managing the bar into a full time job! I wouldn't even mind expanding into the lunch business but I don't want to step on any of my neighbors' toes. So I'll be patient.
I'm feeling pretty good the past 10 days or so. I've started (slowly) working on getting my house back in to fighting shape. It always gets out of control during the days after chemo and this time was no exception. Add to that my general clutter and BabyBoy's ability to mess it up faster than it can be cleaned up and it's quickly descending into SuperFund candidate once again. I'm looking forward to Christmas break when I can be an evil slave driver to my children every day, holding their Christmas presents hostage until they get the house tidy! Actually the worst room in the house is mine! I'm working on it slowly but surely. The problem is I have WAY too much stuff! Too many clothes, too many shoes, too many books, etc. I just need to bite the bullet and get rid of stuff. Easier said than done, because I have to go through it all first. I mean, what if I accidentally gave my Koffin Kats T-shirt to Goodwill? That would be terrible! I've made it my goal to work on my room at least a little each day. So far I've worked on it two days in a row. Well, kind of. I didn't get a whole lot done but I at least got started.
Today BeBe came over for coffee. It's not the usual day but she has school stuff tomorrow so we drank coffee, ate cinnamon rolls, gossiped and made a craft project today. I won't say what the project is yet because it's for the bar and no one has seen it except BeBe, DH and the kids. When I get it up to the bar I'll go public. Don't get too excited...I'm no Martha Stewart.
I talked to one of my nursing school girlfriends Sunday night and she and one of our other friends are coming up to visit me in late January! I'm so excited! When they get here it will have been two years since we've seen each other. They drove over from Lafayette for a day when I was in New Orleans for a meeting in 2009. I can't wait to show them the bar and take them out for sushi and just hang out and catch up.
My dog Buddy (the stray we picked up on our way home from Florida) is quite the little escape artist. I think I should have named him Houdini. Today BeBe and I watched him squeeze through a hole in the fence to get back in the yard. Yes, he escaped and then I guess got bored with the outside world so he came back. He nearly got stuck so I'm anxiously awaiting the day when he finally does. I hope I'm home so I can get him unstuck so he doesn't get hurt. I also hope I have my camera handy. Heck, maybe I'll even charge up the HandyCam so I can get a video of it and let NOS put it on YouTube.
Tank, my mastiff, on the other hand, won't even walk out of the gate if the Dish Network guy forgets to close it. I guess he's just extremely happy to be in our back yard. He likes to go out one last time before bed every night. I don't know if he has a small bladder like me or if he just wants to scan for strange men lurking in my back yard. Either way he will sit and stare at me until I let him go out. He will also go get in bed with BabyBoy if I don't let him sleep in the bedroom with me. I draw the line at letting him sprawl out in my bed though!
The past few months my sleep has just been royally screwed up. I know I have a good reason but it doesn't change the fact that it's screwed up. I've had nights where I've fallen asleep in the recliner with the lights and TV on and not woke up until the sun was coming up. Or nights where I've fallen asleep in the recliner and woke up at like 2 am and gone to bed and then not been able to sleep. It really sucks! I'm not sure if it's because DH is not home with me or it's the hot flashes or the steroids or just general worry. Whatever it is, I'm ready to get back to normal. I have no desire to get hooked on anything, so I'm loathe to take sleeping pills. I have some, and I use them occasionally, but I don't want it to become a habit.
Speaking of hot flashes, who the hell came up with that term? They are not "flashes!" If they were, I'd be able to handle them a lot better. No, they last way longer than the term "flash" implies. Its 15 or 20 minutes of wondering if this will be the time my head shoots off my body because I'm on fire! So far all the remedies that have been suggested to me have not really helped. Damn estrogen-receptor positive breast cancer! I could use a little Premarin to counteract menopause! It is a chemically-induced menopause but the symptoms seem to suck just as bad. Maybe even worse since it's all at once instead of gradual like natural menopause. Oh, well, I'd still prefer hot flashes over dying.
The dryer beeped at me and DH has been in bed for an hour, so I think I probably need to wrap this up and see if I can actually go to sleep. I really ought to do this daily but I'm not that good at planning.
RIP Leslie Nielsen and Elizabeth Edwards. I laughed my ass off at his movies and although I didn't agree with her politics, her fight against breast cancer was valiant.
I hate hearing about women dying of breast cancer because I'm afraid that will be me. Even though my cancer was caught early and had not spread out of the breast, it makes me nervous when I hear about someone whose cancer recurred and now they are terminal or have died. I have way too much left to do in my life. So I try to live each day as though my days were numbered. Which is probably why I never have any clean laundry. I mean, who wants to do laundry on the last day of their life?
DH made it home (finally!) last Friday night. Technically Saturday morning at 12:30. I waited up for him. Well, actually I fell asleep on the couch in my cute little nightgown but I wasn't in bed sound asleep when he got home. Since Monday we've been waiting for the phone call saying he has to come back to work. Even though we'll probably be broke as hell and at each other's throats (that's based on previous experience) I still don't really want him to go back out again until after the holidays. I have a honey-do list for him that's approximately a mile long, mostly bar stuff, and if he leaves again we'll have to start all over getting him rested up and ready to go back to work for free. Well, I don't guess it's free, we do make money off the bar (a little!) but it's not the same as getting an hourly wage. I'm not sure he'd agree that cleaning out the storeroom and putting up more shelves will lead to an increase in beer sales.
Speaking of the bar, I had my first week of being the owner on duty last week. Holy smokes, I was busy!! Between doing the deposit every day, paying the bills, doing the shopping, and ordering stuff, I was busy for minimum of an hour every day! But at the end of the week I felt better about how things were going and I'm glad I'm feeling like getting my nose into what's really going on. Oh how I wish things would just go gangbusters and I could turn managing the bar into a full time job! I wouldn't even mind expanding into the lunch business but I don't want to step on any of my neighbors' toes. So I'll be patient.
I'm feeling pretty good the past 10 days or so. I've started (slowly) working on getting my house back in to fighting shape. It always gets out of control during the days after chemo and this time was no exception. Add to that my general clutter and BabyBoy's ability to mess it up faster than it can be cleaned up and it's quickly descending into SuperFund candidate once again. I'm looking forward to Christmas break when I can be an evil slave driver to my children every day, holding their Christmas presents hostage until they get the house tidy! Actually the worst room in the house is mine! I'm working on it slowly but surely. The problem is I have WAY too much stuff! Too many clothes, too many shoes, too many books, etc. I just need to bite the bullet and get rid of stuff. Easier said than done, because I have to go through it all first. I mean, what if I accidentally gave my Koffin Kats T-shirt to Goodwill? That would be terrible! I've made it my goal to work on my room at least a little each day. So far I've worked on it two days in a row. Well, kind of. I didn't get a whole lot done but I at least got started.
Today BeBe came over for coffee. It's not the usual day but she has school stuff tomorrow so we drank coffee, ate cinnamon rolls, gossiped and made a craft project today. I won't say what the project is yet because it's for the bar and no one has seen it except BeBe, DH and the kids. When I get it up to the bar I'll go public. Don't get too excited...I'm no Martha Stewart.
I talked to one of my nursing school girlfriends Sunday night and she and one of our other friends are coming up to visit me in late January! I'm so excited! When they get here it will have been two years since we've seen each other. They drove over from Lafayette for a day when I was in New Orleans for a meeting in 2009. I can't wait to show them the bar and take them out for sushi and just hang out and catch up.
My dog Buddy (the stray we picked up on our way home from Florida) is quite the little escape artist. I think I should have named him Houdini. Today BeBe and I watched him squeeze through a hole in the fence to get back in the yard. Yes, he escaped and then I guess got bored with the outside world so he came back. He nearly got stuck so I'm anxiously awaiting the day when he finally does. I hope I'm home so I can get him unstuck so he doesn't get hurt. I also hope I have my camera handy. Heck, maybe I'll even charge up the HandyCam so I can get a video of it and let NOS put it on YouTube.
Tank, my mastiff, on the other hand, won't even walk out of the gate if the Dish Network guy forgets to close it. I guess he's just extremely happy to be in our back yard. He likes to go out one last time before bed every night. I don't know if he has a small bladder like me or if he just wants to scan for strange men lurking in my back yard. Either way he will sit and stare at me until I let him go out. He will also go get in bed with BabyBoy if I don't let him sleep in the bedroom with me. I draw the line at letting him sprawl out in my bed though!
The past few months my sleep has just been royally screwed up. I know I have a good reason but it doesn't change the fact that it's screwed up. I've had nights where I've fallen asleep in the recliner with the lights and TV on and not woke up until the sun was coming up. Or nights where I've fallen asleep in the recliner and woke up at like 2 am and gone to bed and then not been able to sleep. It really sucks! I'm not sure if it's because DH is not home with me or it's the hot flashes or the steroids or just general worry. Whatever it is, I'm ready to get back to normal. I have no desire to get hooked on anything, so I'm loathe to take sleeping pills. I have some, and I use them occasionally, but I don't want it to become a habit.
Speaking of hot flashes, who the hell came up with that term? They are not "flashes!" If they were, I'd be able to handle them a lot better. No, they last way longer than the term "flash" implies. Its 15 or 20 minutes of wondering if this will be the time my head shoots off my body because I'm on fire! So far all the remedies that have been suggested to me have not really helped. Damn estrogen-receptor positive breast cancer! I could use a little Premarin to counteract menopause! It is a chemically-induced menopause but the symptoms seem to suck just as bad. Maybe even worse since it's all at once instead of gradual like natural menopause. Oh, well, I'd still prefer hot flashes over dying.
The dryer beeped at me and DH has been in bed for an hour, so I think I probably need to wrap this up and see if I can actually go to sleep. I really ought to do this daily but I'm not that good at planning.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Off topic...rant!!
If you read this and you think I'm talking about you, you're probably right.
Rant #1: Married people who mess around. Now, I don't think the two people I'm thinking about right now are actually messing around. I think they're probably just flirting, having some fun. Maybe they're bored, looking for a little thrill in their lives. And maybe if the conversation that was exchanged between them was verbal and not in text message, it probably wouldn't sound so bad. But the fact of the matter is...if you are married, or in a "committed" relationship, there are certain lines you probably shouldn't cross. For me and DH, determining exactly where those lines were was a long time coming. We have now known each other for 18 years and been married for over 16 years. There have been things I have done that he did not appreciate. There have been things he has done that I did not appreciate. We have both experienced serious pangs of jealousy over different things. He's not a fan of me dancing with other men...so I don't do that anymore. I'm not a fan of women who are not friends of both of us hugging him. Now we can't control what others do (he can't stop another woman from hugging him but he can release quickly and introduce the lovely lady to his lovely WIFE) but we certainly can control our own actions.
My line in the sand, and I think DH's too, is...don't do or say anything away from your spouse you wouldn't do or say in front of your spouse. This is not the easiest thing to do. But secrets that are meant to not hurt the other person only seem so much worse once they are found out. In a relationship you have to be able to trust one another. I know that when DH is away he's faithful. He knows I'm faithful too. I know that if he looks at my phone or my Facebook or e-mail he wouldn't find anything that would make him uncomfortable. Same for me, except he doesn't have a Facebook. That's probably smart on his part!
It seems to me that maybe something is missing in the lives of the people I'm talking about. I hope they can 1. find whatever it is they are looking for and 2. work out their problems in their relationships.
Rant #2: Putting everything "out there" on Facebook/MySpace/Twitter, etc. Why do people air their dirty laundry on the internet? I realize when you're pissed off you want to share your anger and show everyone exactly how much of an ass the person you're mad at is. I've done it too. And I regretted it. I hurt someone I really love because I talked about her on the internet. I hope the relationship wasn't damaged permanently...I'd like to think she cut me some slack because of what I've been going through the last few months.
Sometimes putting dirty laundry out there does damage that cannot be repaired. It's like when you talk to your best friend about what an ass your boyfriend is being and you break up with him and then get back together a couple weeks later. Your best friend is still going to harbor those negative feelings about your boyfriend. Now that's not to say that you shouldn't talk to someone about your feelings, but you probably should use a little restraint, especially if you're not ending the relationship permanently. Or talk to someone who's not so emotionally attached to you. If you tell your mom or sister about the shitty thing someone did to you, they are NEVER going to forget it. However, you can pay a counselor $100/hr or sit at the bar and tip the bartender well and get all those feelings out there without them biting you in the ass later.
Finally, I just have to say that I'm not taking any sides on what is going on. I don't know the entire situation and it's none of my business. I'm only commenting on what's been put out in a public forum. I hope that everyone involved can work through their problems and I still LOVE ALL OF YOU!
Rant #1: Married people who mess around. Now, I don't think the two people I'm thinking about right now are actually messing around. I think they're probably just flirting, having some fun. Maybe they're bored, looking for a little thrill in their lives. And maybe if the conversation that was exchanged between them was verbal and not in text message, it probably wouldn't sound so bad. But the fact of the matter is...if you are married, or in a "committed" relationship, there are certain lines you probably shouldn't cross. For me and DH, determining exactly where those lines were was a long time coming. We have now known each other for 18 years and been married for over 16 years. There have been things I have done that he did not appreciate. There have been things he has done that I did not appreciate. We have both experienced serious pangs of jealousy over different things. He's not a fan of me dancing with other men...so I don't do that anymore. I'm not a fan of women who are not friends of both of us hugging him. Now we can't control what others do (he can't stop another woman from hugging him but he can release quickly and introduce the lovely lady to his lovely WIFE) but we certainly can control our own actions.
My line in the sand, and I think DH's too, is...don't do or say anything away from your spouse you wouldn't do or say in front of your spouse. This is not the easiest thing to do. But secrets that are meant to not hurt the other person only seem so much worse once they are found out. In a relationship you have to be able to trust one another. I know that when DH is away he's faithful. He knows I'm faithful too. I know that if he looks at my phone or my Facebook or e-mail he wouldn't find anything that would make him uncomfortable. Same for me, except he doesn't have a Facebook. That's probably smart on his part!
It seems to me that maybe something is missing in the lives of the people I'm talking about. I hope they can 1. find whatever it is they are looking for and 2. work out their problems in their relationships.
Rant #2: Putting everything "out there" on Facebook/MySpace/Twitter, etc. Why do people air their dirty laundry on the internet? I realize when you're pissed off you want to share your anger and show everyone exactly how much of an ass the person you're mad at is. I've done it too. And I regretted it. I hurt someone I really love because I talked about her on the internet. I hope the relationship wasn't damaged permanently...I'd like to think she cut me some slack because of what I've been going through the last few months.
Sometimes putting dirty laundry out there does damage that cannot be repaired. It's like when you talk to your best friend about what an ass your boyfriend is being and you break up with him and then get back together a couple weeks later. Your best friend is still going to harbor those negative feelings about your boyfriend. Now that's not to say that you shouldn't talk to someone about your feelings, but you probably should use a little restraint, especially if you're not ending the relationship permanently. Or talk to someone who's not so emotionally attached to you. If you tell your mom or sister about the shitty thing someone did to you, they are NEVER going to forget it. However, you can pay a counselor $100/hr or sit at the bar and tip the bartender well and get all those feelings out there without them biting you in the ass later.
Finally, I just have to say that I'm not taking any sides on what is going on. I don't know the entire situation and it's none of my business. I'm only commenting on what's been put out in a public forum. I hope that everyone involved can work through their problems and I still LOVE ALL OF YOU!
Friday, November 26, 2010
Wow, where to begin?
It's been so long since my last post I don't even know where to begin!! I believe I left off last time bitching because I wasn't feeling good. I've done lots of stuff since then but probably the most important is that I had my last chemo this past Monday. Yay! I'm glad I'm done. Of course I'm not out of the woods yet...I still have to take a daily pill for 5 years, a monthly IM shot for at least 6 months, reconstructive surgery and possibly either irradiation of my ovaries or surgical removal of my ovaries. So we're not quite done yet. But...I have to say, the worst part is probably over.
BFF went with me for chemo this week and we actually had a lot of fun. We met up with Kondee's Mom and Mando Man at their winter job, camel rides, donkey rides, and a petting zoo. And guess what? I got BFF up on a camel! And we have the pictures to prove it! Now I just have to get around to scanning them so I can put them on Facebook for all the world to see! Actually, BFF said she'd ridden a camel before when she was a kid. We also posed for a pic with the donkey for the donkey ride and we have big plans for a little Photo Shopping fun.
When I went into Dr. B's office for my boob fill, the nurse found that the port had moved on one of my boobs! So instead of poking the needle into the top, she had to poke it into the middle. The good thing was it didn't hurt, since the port was below where the feeling has come back. Unfortunately, the other one DID hurt, because the port is where it's supposed to be and the feeling is back! I'm glad the feeling is coming back, don't get me wrong, but ouch! Not much fun to have a needle poked in your boob and be able to feel it!
Chemo was pretty much the same as usual...start the IV, give me the pre-meds, give me the poison and get me out of there. BFF and I didn't cut up like Little T and I did, but we still managed to have a good time. We found an ad for a vintage clothing and antique store in a local shopping guide and we got out of there in plenty of time to actually go shopping.
Retro 101 in St. Louis was awesome!! When we got there, the power was out, so we were afraid we weren't gonna actually get to buy anything, but the power came back on in about 20 minutes or so. Thank goodness, because I found a bunch of stuff to buy! I got several new/old scarves to use as head wraps and some awesome platform boots! There was a lot more that I wanted to buy but since I'm not made of money...I had to leave it there.
To celebrate the end of chemo, we went to a nice Italian place in the Hill. OMG it was so good! Delicious bread, yummy salads, wonderful pasta and veal parmigiana, Chianti and cannoli and some kind of light ice cream for dessert. It was heavenly!
And then we got on the road. We made it maybe a mile and rain started falling. Another mile and traffic was stopped ahead of us. I thought maybe it was a wreck or something up ahead. No, it was a torrential downpour that you could not see through. It was like a wall of water. And my usual 3 hour drive turned into over 4! By the time I dropped BFF off and visited everyone at the bar for a few minutes it was after midnight before I got home. What a day!
Between the steroids with chemo, the stressful drive and a coke around 9 PM, sleep did not come easily. I think I finally fell asleep around 4 AM. Thank goodness NOS and Ms. Thang got themselves up and ready for school, because it was time for Ms. Thang to get on the bus before I even dragged out of bed. And I had a PTA meeting at 9! Needless to say I was late! Fortunately, one of the other girls took notes for me till I got there. Then I got lunch for BabyBoy, took him to school and ran a few errands. And then I hit a wall. I laid down to take a short nap and that was it! My alarm went off to pick BabyBoy up and I just couldn't do it. I called CPrez and she picked BabyBoy up and brought him home. I made it upstairs to open the door for him and back to bed I went! Poor NOS had to take care of dinner and get the little ones in bed. At least there was no school Wednesday.
I was supposed to go to my parents for Thanksgiving on Wednesday but I still was not feeling well. I pretty much laid around all day until around 9 PM when I made a quick Braums and Wal-mart run. I got the few odds and ends I needed to get through the weekend. Yesterday we made pork tenderloin, mashed potatoes and gravy, stuffing, green beans, carrots, crescent rolls, and cherry pie for our Thanksgiving dinner. It sounds a lot more complicated than it actually was. The kids were very helpful. Ms. Thang and BabyBoy made placemats for the table and NOS helped me cook. But by the time we were done eating I was down for the count!
It would have been nice to spend Thanksgiving with either my family or DH's family or even with some of our friends, but I just was not feeling like getting out of the house and the weather was not cooperating with going anywhere. The kids and I shared things we are thankful for and I suppose at the top of the list is that my cancer was caught early and now I'm cancer free.
I have lots more to talk about but it's just gonna have to wait till another day!
BFF went with me for chemo this week and we actually had a lot of fun. We met up with Kondee's Mom and Mando Man at their winter job, camel rides, donkey rides, and a petting zoo. And guess what? I got BFF up on a camel! And we have the pictures to prove it! Now I just have to get around to scanning them so I can put them on Facebook for all the world to see! Actually, BFF said she'd ridden a camel before when she was a kid. We also posed for a pic with the donkey for the donkey ride and we have big plans for a little Photo Shopping fun.
When I went into Dr. B's office for my boob fill, the nurse found that the port had moved on one of my boobs! So instead of poking the needle into the top, she had to poke it into the middle. The good thing was it didn't hurt, since the port was below where the feeling has come back. Unfortunately, the other one DID hurt, because the port is where it's supposed to be and the feeling is back! I'm glad the feeling is coming back, don't get me wrong, but ouch! Not much fun to have a needle poked in your boob and be able to feel it!
Chemo was pretty much the same as usual...start the IV, give me the pre-meds, give me the poison and get me out of there. BFF and I didn't cut up like Little T and I did, but we still managed to have a good time. We found an ad for a vintage clothing and antique store in a local shopping guide and we got out of there in plenty of time to actually go shopping.
Retro 101 in St. Louis was awesome!! When we got there, the power was out, so we were afraid we weren't gonna actually get to buy anything, but the power came back on in about 20 minutes or so. Thank goodness, because I found a bunch of stuff to buy! I got several new/old scarves to use as head wraps and some awesome platform boots! There was a lot more that I wanted to buy but since I'm not made of money...I had to leave it there.
To celebrate the end of chemo, we went to a nice Italian place in the Hill. OMG it was so good! Delicious bread, yummy salads, wonderful pasta and veal parmigiana, Chianti and cannoli and some kind of light ice cream for dessert. It was heavenly!
And then we got on the road. We made it maybe a mile and rain started falling. Another mile and traffic was stopped ahead of us. I thought maybe it was a wreck or something up ahead. No, it was a torrential downpour that you could not see through. It was like a wall of water. And my usual 3 hour drive turned into over 4! By the time I dropped BFF off and visited everyone at the bar for a few minutes it was after midnight before I got home. What a day!
Between the steroids with chemo, the stressful drive and a coke around 9 PM, sleep did not come easily. I think I finally fell asleep around 4 AM. Thank goodness NOS and Ms. Thang got themselves up and ready for school, because it was time for Ms. Thang to get on the bus before I even dragged out of bed. And I had a PTA meeting at 9! Needless to say I was late! Fortunately, one of the other girls took notes for me till I got there. Then I got lunch for BabyBoy, took him to school and ran a few errands. And then I hit a wall. I laid down to take a short nap and that was it! My alarm went off to pick BabyBoy up and I just couldn't do it. I called CPrez and she picked BabyBoy up and brought him home. I made it upstairs to open the door for him and back to bed I went! Poor NOS had to take care of dinner and get the little ones in bed. At least there was no school Wednesday.
I was supposed to go to my parents for Thanksgiving on Wednesday but I still was not feeling well. I pretty much laid around all day until around 9 PM when I made a quick Braums and Wal-mart run. I got the few odds and ends I needed to get through the weekend. Yesterday we made pork tenderloin, mashed potatoes and gravy, stuffing, green beans, carrots, crescent rolls, and cherry pie for our Thanksgiving dinner. It sounds a lot more complicated than it actually was. The kids were very helpful. Ms. Thang and BabyBoy made placemats for the table and NOS helped me cook. But by the time we were done eating I was down for the count!
It would have been nice to spend Thanksgiving with either my family or DH's family or even with some of our friends, but I just was not feeling like getting out of the house and the weather was not cooperating with going anywhere. The kids and I shared things we are thankful for and I suppose at the top of the list is that my cancer was caught early and now I'm cancer free.
I have lots more to talk about but it's just gonna have to wait till another day!
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