Yeah, yeah, I know, I just blogged a few hours ago, but I have more to say and my day of dozing has led to a night of insomnia. Let's just hope a few minutes of unloading my random musings will help me go to sleep. Well, that and a sleeping pill.
Since I've been a reluctant hermit, I've been watching a lot of TV. A LOT OF TV. At least, a lot for me. Apparently DH grew up with the TV on all the time, so if he's here, the TV's on. I, on the other hand, lived in a home where the TV was only on if you were watching it and the only time you watched during the day was if you were sick. Besides, DH had cable and I didn't, so it's not like there was anything on to watch anyway. Kind of funny, though, my grandmother who babysat me when I was little always had the TV on, it seemed. Today, The Price is Right, the noon news, various soap operas, and The Andy Griffith Show are burned in my memories of being at her house.
When DH is here, we usually watch stuff he wants to watch, or that we both want to watch. I don't subject him to Teen Mom and he doesn't subject me to UFC (re-runs and that stupid Ultimate Fighter...I like the PPV fights and the 5 minutes during the Ultimate Fighter where they actually FIGHT). I DVR Dateline and 48 Hours on ID and watch those pretty regularly. I'm not sure why I enjoy them so much but I do enjoy true crime stories and seeing how they actually solve cases. Sometimes I see cases on there that I wonder if the person convicted really did it. Anyway, I find it fascinating, kind of like how I felt about CSI before the new wore off. And before they started CSI: Miami with that bag of douche David Caruso. I had to Google just now to get his name (must be the chemo). I swear, if I have to see that guy take off or put on his sunglasses one more time while pausing dramatically mid-pun, I might go postal.
But crime shows are not all I've been watching...I've also been checking out some of the new TV shows. Now I don't mean just the brand new ones, but new episodes of old shows too. I pretty much DVR everything because I hate commercials that much, so I'm talking about stuff that may be a week or two old. And I still have some new stuff that I haven't watched yet. Blah, blah, whatever, here's my opinions, in no particular order.
The Office: I've never seen the British version but just like most things we steal from them, theirs is probably funnier. Last season of The Office was pretty blah and when Pam and Jim got married the show jumped the shark (if you don't know what that means Google it). But last week...damn near unwatchable. I haven't deleted it from my DVR timers yet, and I'm still following Rain Wilson on Twitter, but it's treading on thin ice. Its only salvation...the cameos by Kathy Bates. OMG she's freakin hilarious!!
Mike and Molly: I missed the first episode but I watched episode 2 tonight and it was FUNNY! The fat jokes weren't too bad, I realize that's the underlying theme of the show, but they just bordered on too many, in my opinion. And that sweater would have been ugly on anyone, fat or not. I've loved Melissa McCarthy ever since she was on Gilmore Girls so she's the reason I set a timer, but apparently the guy, Billy Gardell is a comedian. So is this like another Everybody Loves Raymond or Seinfeld? Who knows, but so far so good, I'll keep watching.
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: I've only watched one episode of the new season and it didn't hold my attention very well. Hopefully it'll pick up because generally I freakin love this show!! Those 5 people are the most despicable, unlikeable characters and yet, at least sometimes, you almost cheer for them. Sweet Dee and Mac are married in real life and I'm glad they haven't either gone there on the show or lost their chemistry for pissing each other off. Who knows, it may have been the drugs that was causing my short attention span.
iCarly: Yeah, I know, this is a kids show on Nick but for a kids show on Nick it's pretty good. The main characters have good chemistry and even though they are teenagers, the topics are not too mature for my six-year-old daughter, who's a HUGE fan. I never would have watched it if not for her, and it's not like I'm watching it by myself, but if it's on, I'll watch it. Just don't tell NumberOneSon.
Tosh.0: I made the mistake of letting NOS watch this with me and now he's hooked too. Who would think some comedian making fun of YouTube videos would be so funny? But his comments are so snarky and at times so borderline racist you just can't stop watching. It cracks me up that he'll actually GO there, you know. Most people won't. Plus Daniel Tosh is well, cute. I can't quite put my finger on what it is that makes him cute but yeah, I'm crushin a little. Don't tell DH.
Glee: Yep, I'll admit it, I'm a Gleek. Or whatever you wanna call a fan. LOVE IT! Especially the Journey medley they took to competition to end last year. And Jane Lynch...she is just a riot!! I <3 her!! They sang more current stuff in the first episode, and since I watched the MTV VMAs (DVR'd, finally got to it over the weekend) and I didn't know who half the artists were and hated most of what I heard, I really hope they don't stay too current or I may have to mute!
Friday Night Lights: I don't think it's on right now, and at first I wasn't sure what to think of the route the writers had taken with this season...Coach Taylor moving to Dillon East, all the racial stuff, etc...and then I started reading the book. I haven't finished it yet, but I have to say that last season explored issues that the book explored and the movie and the show thus far had glossed over. I missed a few episodes but I think NBC has them online, so I just need to get motivated to watch a TV show on my computer instead of my big screen TV. I'm gonna finish the book first. I won't lie...Kyle Chandler was my main draw to the first show (I fell in love with him in Homefront when I was in high school) but that first episode was all I needed to be hooked. The story was just compelling.
The Middle: I only watched this a time or two last year when I was staying in a hotel and therefore did not have DVR, but I really liked it. So I set a timer for it and it's funny!! Last week's advice from Doris Roberts to Patricia Heaton not to smother her son made me laugh out loud!! Throwback to Everybody Loves Raymond! And since I never could get enough of Janitor on Scrubs, I'm glad to see him on there too. It reminds me of Malcolm in the Middle just a little, but not in a copycat way at all. Lois was one of my all time favorite TV moms, but I think I relate to Frankie even more.
And last but not least...
$..! My Dad Says: WTF...it's SHIT, OK? Everyone knows that. I realize censors won't allow that to be said or printed out on network TV but whatever. I feel completely swindled by Shit My Dad Says. It started out as a Facebook page and a Twitter account and that's just what it was. Periodically this dude Justin would post shit his dad would say. Sometimes two posts in one day, sometimes nothing for over a week. Usually what his dad would say would involve a couple of curse words and some sort of insult to Justin, but if you looked closer it was pretty sage advice. When you get older, it seems, you are less concerned about what people think of you and more likely to say what you really think. Now I'm beginning to think that it was all a scam to build buzz for a lame ass sitcom starring William Shatner. I watched it. I haven't deleted my timer for it yet, but I was not impressed. First of all, I don't think William Shatner is enough of an asshole to pull this off. They need someone who looks like Abe Vigoda, or Abe Simpson for that matter. The dude who is the main character is just a tool and he really can't act. Nicole Sullivan and Will Sasso are hilarious as always in their supporting roles...those two have good comedic timing and chemistry. They need their own show. But not this one. I'll probably give it another chance or two, because I remember the first few episodes of Seinfeld weren't that funny and it ended up being one of my all time favorites. But I'm prepared to be disappointed.
And that's it for now, RedDirtGirl's review of the Fall 2010 TV season. Aren't you glad I have so much time on my hands.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
honesty
The past few days, in a word, have just sucked. Toward the end of last week I thought I was feeling better and then, whammo, Saturday and Sunday came around and just knocked me off my feet. I don't know if the false sense of well-being provided by steroids wore off (I was warned my my aunt) or the mucositis from the chemo has set in...I'm guessing it's a combination of both. Saturday and Sunday I got overheated and light-headed after my shower. I don't know if I was dehydrated and upright for too long or what. But both days, I got ready to go somewhere and by the time I was ready to go I didn't have the energy to leave the house.
The bad thing about chemo is that it causes all the rapidly-dividing cells in your body to die...that's how it kills cancer cells because cancer cells are dividing too quickly which causes screw-ups in the new cells which is cancer. Unfortunately, the cells in your GI tract are also rapidly dividing, so the chemo kills them too. Now I have a sore mouth and throat, which makes it hard to swallow and makes food taste funny. I also feel like I have the stomach flu...from both ends. Fortunately I've not thrown up any, but that's only because I'm popping Ativan the moment I feel sick to my stomach. Let's just say Ativan doesn't work on the other end...Remember in American Pie when Stiffler slips some Ex-Lax in Shit-brick's latte? Um, yeah, that's an accurate picture of how I was feeling a couple of times this weekend. There's just nothing like breaking out in a cold sweat...ugh, it's making me sick to my stomach just to write about it.
I managed to make it to Wal-mart and to get Miss Thang's pictures developed for school but by the time I made it home I was just done. I could barely get through the checkout line. I still need to go wig shopping and see if I can find some glutamine for my stomatitis but I'm afraid to venture too far from home. I have just been feeling rotten the past few days.
So today, I spent the day in the recliner. I feel like I've regressed. I'm hoping tomorrow is better. I realize I have to take this one day at a time and I know there are people who have it WAY worse than I do. All that doesn't really make me feel any better about myself.
I glanced back at my past couple of blog entries and realized they were missing something. At first I couldn't put my finger on it but I think I figured it out. I had initially said I was going to be honest and this may be raw and difficult to read. But I've been holding back. I've said some things that I was feeling and not all of them have been sweetness and light. But this is my blog. I'm decompressing here. Sometimes things are going to happen that piss me off. Talking about it helps. Since it seems like everyone but my mom and BeBe have quit calling me, so who exactly am I supposed to talk to? Besides, who wants to call me up and listen to me vent about my kids' clutter? Or when my 13 year old is being mouthy? Just because I have cancer doesn't mean I'm immune to my kiddos annoying the hell out of me. The difference is I used to be able to do something about it...now I don't have the energy. So when I do get the energy I have to take advantage while I can and drag out of the recliner and tell them to pick up their rooms or do their homework or quit sassing me or whatever else.
In an ideal world I'd have a nanny or a clone or something who could take over with the house and kids while I go through all this. However, it ain't happening. So I'm getting through this the best way I can. I'm not asking anyone to do anything that I wouldn't be asking them to do anyway even if I wasn't sick. I didn't have many chores when I was a kid. My mom is a perfectionist to the point that she would generally re-do anything I'd done, so what was the point of her making me do it to begin with? Now don't get me wrong, I love my mom, she was a good mom and she and my dad raised me the best they could and I think I turned out just fine. But...just because she did it one way doesn't mean I'm going to do it the same way. Sometimes I feel a little sorry for NumberOneSon because he does have a lot of responsibility at times. But you know what? He handles it, and I know in a few years when he's out of here he's going to be able to take care of himself and make good decisions. If he screws up some now, the consequences are not nearly as high as they will be in the future. There were some lessons I learned after I was an adult that I wish I would have learned as a teenager, when the stakes weren't quite so high.
Well, it's time to drag my ass out of this recliner and run to Walgreens to buy diapers for BabyBoy. I forgot to look and see if we needed them yesterday and no one told me. Oh well, maybe we'll get some ice cream too. I could go for a Frosty...
The bad thing about chemo is that it causes all the rapidly-dividing cells in your body to die...that's how it kills cancer cells because cancer cells are dividing too quickly which causes screw-ups in the new cells which is cancer. Unfortunately, the cells in your GI tract are also rapidly dividing, so the chemo kills them too. Now I have a sore mouth and throat, which makes it hard to swallow and makes food taste funny. I also feel like I have the stomach flu...from both ends. Fortunately I've not thrown up any, but that's only because I'm popping Ativan the moment I feel sick to my stomach. Let's just say Ativan doesn't work on the other end...Remember in American Pie when Stiffler slips some Ex-Lax in Shit-brick's latte? Um, yeah, that's an accurate picture of how I was feeling a couple of times this weekend. There's just nothing like breaking out in a cold sweat...ugh, it's making me sick to my stomach just to write about it.
I managed to make it to Wal-mart and to get Miss Thang's pictures developed for school but by the time I made it home I was just done. I could barely get through the checkout line. I still need to go wig shopping and see if I can find some glutamine for my stomatitis but I'm afraid to venture too far from home. I have just been feeling rotten the past few days.
So today, I spent the day in the recliner. I feel like I've regressed. I'm hoping tomorrow is better. I realize I have to take this one day at a time and I know there are people who have it WAY worse than I do. All that doesn't really make me feel any better about myself.
I glanced back at my past couple of blog entries and realized they were missing something. At first I couldn't put my finger on it but I think I figured it out. I had initially said I was going to be honest and this may be raw and difficult to read. But I've been holding back. I've said some things that I was feeling and not all of them have been sweetness and light. But this is my blog. I'm decompressing here. Sometimes things are going to happen that piss me off. Talking about it helps. Since it seems like everyone but my mom and BeBe have quit calling me, so who exactly am I supposed to talk to? Besides, who wants to call me up and listen to me vent about my kids' clutter? Or when my 13 year old is being mouthy? Just because I have cancer doesn't mean I'm immune to my kiddos annoying the hell out of me. The difference is I used to be able to do something about it...now I don't have the energy. So when I do get the energy I have to take advantage while I can and drag out of the recliner and tell them to pick up their rooms or do their homework or quit sassing me or whatever else.
In an ideal world I'd have a nanny or a clone or something who could take over with the house and kids while I go through all this. However, it ain't happening. So I'm getting through this the best way I can. I'm not asking anyone to do anything that I wouldn't be asking them to do anyway even if I wasn't sick. I didn't have many chores when I was a kid. My mom is a perfectionist to the point that she would generally re-do anything I'd done, so what was the point of her making me do it to begin with? Now don't get me wrong, I love my mom, she was a good mom and she and my dad raised me the best they could and I think I turned out just fine. But...just because she did it one way doesn't mean I'm going to do it the same way. Sometimes I feel a little sorry for NumberOneSon because he does have a lot of responsibility at times. But you know what? He handles it, and I know in a few years when he's out of here he's going to be able to take care of himself and make good decisions. If he screws up some now, the consequences are not nearly as high as they will be in the future. There were some lessons I learned after I was an adult that I wish I would have learned as a teenager, when the stakes weren't quite so high.
Well, it's time to drag my ass out of this recliner and run to Walgreens to buy diapers for BabyBoy. I forgot to look and see if we needed them yesterday and no one told me. Oh well, maybe we'll get some ice cream too. I could go for a Frosty...
Saturday, September 25, 2010
better...
Thank God, I'm feeling better today than I did last night. Unfortunately, my insomnia seems to have only been cured for one night and I tossed and turned like normal last night. I guess it's nice to know some things never change (well, too much). At this very moment, the kids and I are gathered around the TV, watching SpongeBob SquarePants and waiting for our Domino's to be delivered. Sadly, I don't think I'll be able to eat much because my stomach has been doing flip-flops all day.
I'm still reeling from the Hogs losing to Alabama. I had really hoped they'd pull it out but I guess not today. I'm beginning to think maybe I shouldn't watch them...this was the first game of the year I watched! I'm superstitious when it comes to Razorback football and full moon Saturday nights at the hospital. I'm just glad I didn't go watch it at the bar...there's no way I could have been able to contain my emotions. I never would have lived it down had I thrown a hissy fit in front of everyone. Besides, I like beer and I'm not supposed to be drinking it during chemo and sitting at the bar watching the game would probably make me want to drink a beer, especially as the Hogs were letting their lead slip away.
NumberOneSon got the yard mowed today and I'm so proud because I gave him the option of finishing tomorrow and he decided to go ahead and finish it so he wouldn't have to do it tomorrow. Very mature. He's also going to finish his paper tonight...on Saturday night!
I've been kind of mopey the past 24 hours and I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's because I thought I'd be feeling better by now. I guess I was feeling better and then I kind of started feeling worse. Sometimes I just wonder when all this will be over. I mean, I know once I finish chemo and then have my reconstruction surgery it will be over. Probably 6 months from now I will be at least close to back to normal. But for now, it just seems never ending. I get sick of not having the energy to even make a meal or clean my bathroom. Needless to say I didn't start yoga today...hopefully tomorrow. How do you explain to people that the fatigue, the recovery, waxes and wanes, some days it's better and some days it's worse. I can't really plan anything. To top it off my throat hurts and I can't tell whether it's sinus drip or chemo side effects or what. I hate just sitting around but I don't feel like doing anything else. Ugh.
I'm trying to take it one day at a time but the past couple have just been neverending.
I'm still reeling from the Hogs losing to Alabama. I had really hoped they'd pull it out but I guess not today. I'm beginning to think maybe I shouldn't watch them...this was the first game of the year I watched! I'm superstitious when it comes to Razorback football and full moon Saturday nights at the hospital. I'm just glad I didn't go watch it at the bar...there's no way I could have been able to contain my emotions. I never would have lived it down had I thrown a hissy fit in front of everyone. Besides, I like beer and I'm not supposed to be drinking it during chemo and sitting at the bar watching the game would probably make me want to drink a beer, especially as the Hogs were letting their lead slip away.
NumberOneSon got the yard mowed today and I'm so proud because I gave him the option of finishing tomorrow and he decided to go ahead and finish it so he wouldn't have to do it tomorrow. Very mature. He's also going to finish his paper tonight...on Saturday night!
I've been kind of mopey the past 24 hours and I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's because I thought I'd be feeling better by now. I guess I was feeling better and then I kind of started feeling worse. Sometimes I just wonder when all this will be over. I mean, I know once I finish chemo and then have my reconstruction surgery it will be over. Probably 6 months from now I will be at least close to back to normal. But for now, it just seems never ending. I get sick of not having the energy to even make a meal or clean my bathroom. Needless to say I didn't start yoga today...hopefully tomorrow. How do you explain to people that the fatigue, the recovery, waxes and wanes, some days it's better and some days it's worse. I can't really plan anything. To top it off my throat hurts and I can't tell whether it's sinus drip or chemo side effects or what. I hate just sitting around but I don't feel like doing anything else. Ugh.
I'm trying to take it one day at a time but the past couple have just been neverending.
Friday, September 24, 2010
plugging along
Well, I'm now four days out from my chemo and I don't think I'm doing too bad. I've only gotten queasy a couple of times and I've been drinking water, trying to eat and rest and be good. So far so good. Unfortunately, I'm getting bored hanging around the house. I like to be out and about and being a homebody is not easy for me. But according to the pages and pages of drug info I read on my chemo drugs, my white count should be the lowest 7 to 10 days out and then start climbing again. And I took the Neulasta so hopefully it won't drop too low. I kind of have a sore throat but I can't tell if it's like sinus stuff, an actual illness or just side effect from the chemo. So by this time next week, I hopefully will be back to my normal self.
NumberOneSon is at the high school homecoming football game tonight. I'm kind of jealous, it's been awhile since I've been to a high school football game. I'd love to go home and see my old alma mater play, especially since it seems they are pretty good this year. Oh, well, maybe next year. I ought to be able to make it to NOS's game next week but I'm either gonna have to get a babysitter or someone to help me chase kids at the game. They were really good at the last one but they are still way too full of energy for me to chase alone.
It really sucks when you have a lot of downtime but not a lot of energy. I look around and I see all kinds of things that I could do, that I need to do, but I don't have the energy. Even before my chemo, when I wasn't nearly as tired, I would start a little project and then not be able to finish it. So I've had all these little half projects all over the house. Ugh.
Thinking about starting yoga tomorrow. This time I bought a book with a DVD. I have to actually see the person doing it to figure it out, a picture just doesn't cut it with me. I was going to start today but I ran errands while BabyBoy was at school instead of coming home.
Good grief I'm putting myself to sleep with this boring blog. I'm sure I have a lot to say, just don't even know where to begin. So maybe I'll just begin again tomorrow.
NumberOneSon is at the high school homecoming football game tonight. I'm kind of jealous, it's been awhile since I've been to a high school football game. I'd love to go home and see my old alma mater play, especially since it seems they are pretty good this year. Oh, well, maybe next year. I ought to be able to make it to NOS's game next week but I'm either gonna have to get a babysitter or someone to help me chase kids at the game. They were really good at the last one but they are still way too full of energy for me to chase alone.
It really sucks when you have a lot of downtime but not a lot of energy. I look around and I see all kinds of things that I could do, that I need to do, but I don't have the energy. Even before my chemo, when I wasn't nearly as tired, I would start a little project and then not be able to finish it. So I've had all these little half projects all over the house. Ugh.
Thinking about starting yoga tomorrow. This time I bought a book with a DVD. I have to actually see the person doing it to figure it out, a picture just doesn't cut it with me. I was going to start today but I ran errands while BabyBoy was at school instead of coming home.
Good grief I'm putting myself to sleep with this boring blog. I'm sure I have a lot to say, just don't even know where to begin. So maybe I'll just begin again tomorrow.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Catching up...
Alright it seems that I have some stories to finish. And I'm sure I'll get to them, possibly in this entry, just depends on how much I can do with this HELLACIOUS headache. I finally got around to reading all the package inserts for my meds yesterday and it turns out "headache" is one of the major side effects of ALL of them. So I guess they are working together to make me feel like my head is going to shoot off my shoulders. I'm sure my insomnia (which leads to sleeping late and afternoon napping) and lack of morning coffee and afternoon diet Dr. Pepper have not helped. So in spite of going to sleep after 4 am, I got up about 8 and made coffee. Umm, so far it has not helped. Oh, well, it's the last day of two of the headache causers so maybe, just maybe, tomorrow it will be better. And even if it's not, it's still better than nausea/retching/dry heaving/vomiting...that is something I can do without! I have had migraines since I was 21 and I always felt worse when I couldn't catch it early enough with medication to prevent the GI upset.
OK so let's see what's going on. Thank goodness my parents decided to stay an extra day to watch Ian's football game because I needed a lot of help the first couple of days after my chemo. I just felt so...drained. So now I know to line up my child care to stay on a couple of days after, which means family, right? Good thing I've got retired parents and in-laws! I'm really hoping DH will make it home in time for the next one, although I'm not sure he should go with me or stay home with the kids. Gosh, they miss him so much when he's gone! Pinup Barber's planning to go with me to my next chemo...hopefully I'll feel good enough to eat out and maybe shop a little on our downtime.
The drug handouts said my hair loss should start in three to six weeks, so I still have a little time to get a wig. Maybe Monday when BabyBoy's at school I'll go wig shopping. Hmm, I wonder what kind I should get? I have gotten so many compliments on my short hair that I'm thinking I'll get something similar to my current hairstyle but I'm sure I need to get a Dolly wig and a pink Britney wig too! I guess it just depends on how much they cost. Maybe Dolly and Britney will come from the Halloween store...oooohhh, or maybe Elvis...or a mullet? The possibilities are endless!
I guess I should at least finish the chemo story and leave Nurse Ratched for another day. I described the lovely Barnes Barracks...but I forgot to say that Mom and I forgot to stop and get something to eat before we got there. There was NOTHING nearby to eat. And Barnes is not in the nicest area of town once you get off the grounds, so we had water for dinner. Good thing we noshed at the pizza buffet, although it was long gone by breakfast the next day.
I didn't go back and read my last entry so I may repeat some stuff so please bear with me. My chemo finally got started about 2 pm, nearly four hours after I was supposed to. I was hoping to be on the road by that time. The good thing about bringing your mom with you is, well, she's your mom. She doesn't like to see you suffer or wait or hurt so she goes into Mama Grizzly mode. And apparently that instinct doesn't disappear when your child is grown and has her own kids. I was proud of her though...she was on the verge of getting mad but she held her tongue. I tried to be as patient and accommodating as possible but come on...they couldn't even find me in THEIR waiting room, sitting where THEY told me to sit, TWICE!! Ridiculous! And I almost ran off and forgot my prescriptions at the pharmacy there and the doctor's office forgot to call in the most important one! Not to mention they didn't order the lab tests I'm supposed to have pre-chemo and they had to stick me three times instead of just twice. Good thing I have good veins and the chemo nurse realized she needed to draw blood before she placed my IV, or she may have had to stick me again.
Speaking of good veins...my hand vein that they used for chemo...not my best! Next time I'm going to tell her to use my wrist vein, it's much better. My IV was right where my wrist bends and in the right because that's the side where they only took one lymph node, so it wouldn't always run and now I have a beautiful bruise. I also have a nice one going in my AC space since they stuck me there twice. Oh, well, it's my easiest vein to hit, so even a first timer ought to be able to get it.
The chemo didn't really make me feel too bad while it was going, although I did notice a couple of the common side effects during and immediately after. But all in all I felt OK and I was able to drive us home. I know Mom was nervous about the prospect of having to drive in St. Louis, but even though we left around rush hour, we really didn't have trouble getting out of town and the trip home was relatively uneventful...except for when I realized I didn't get all my meds! The gal at the pharmacy was not the friendliest and was pretty insistent that I only had three prescriptions to pick up. I was in kind of a daze so I took her word for it, but around 6 PM I figured it out. Luckily, BFF is the assistant manager at my local pharmacy so she was able to help me get it all straightened out and transferred to her pharmacy so I could get it. That is the good thing about BFF's pharmacy, they really believe in good customer service. That's why I always go there unless it's just impossible. I even paid a little higher co-pays when I was still working and had insurance because I felt the little extra I had to pay was well worth it.
We got home around 9 PM Monday night and I was feeling pretty good...good enough to put NumberOneSon in his place since he seemed to think playing video games and staying up late and not mowing the yard while I was gone was what he was supposed to do. He's a good kid so I really think it's just 13 year old irresponsibility but I needed to get my bluff in on him while I still felt like it. Steroids! Super Mom! So by the time I chewed on his ass, then called DH and texted BFF & Kondee's Mom, I was certainly wound up. So wound up that sleep didn't come till, oh, I dunno, 4 AM? Ugh! Ridiculous! Steroids!
Tuesday and Wednesday are something of a blur, I know I took the rental car back, picked up medications, dropped off Eli at school one day, visited with my parents and DH's parents before NOS's game, watched TV, read, Facebooked and Twittered, slept, ate a little, drank some water and hot tea, and was an insomniac at night. Since today was the last day of steroids I'm hoping to get some decent sleep at night if not tonight, maybe Friday and Saturday night. John's Girl came over for Girlfriends' Coffee this morning...I am so glad I have friends who are willing to come see me, do things for me, bring me food, and just generally try to cheer me up. RC brought some awesome dinner last night...it reminds me of something my mom made when I was a kid and more of those fabulous cookies!
So how am I feeling? Well, tired since I'm not sleeping very well. I'm a little nauseated so I took half an Ativan...I'm afraid to take more since I don't know how loopy it will make me and I have to pick BabyBoy up from school. CPrez's son is in my son's class so she's helping me out with transporting him to and from school. I tell you, she's just an amazing girl...she barely knows me, but she's willing to help me out. My chest hurts off and on, I don't know if it's from the boob fill or what but I called Dr. B's nurse yesterday and she was going to call in a refill on my muscle relaxer. With the stupid liver enzymes being elevated I'm pretty much off anything with Tylenol in it, so I gotta be really miserable to bust out the Vicoden. Of course, with my fragile tummy, Aleve and Motrin are not the best choices but they're all I've got. I'm just trying to make sure I eat a little something when I take them.
Sometimes I think those side effect things are not the best thing to read. I really think I have a little hypochondriac in me and when I read about a side effect, I start feeling it. So I didn't read them for a couple of days, but when I got the headache I just couldn't shake I busted them out. Of course, being a nurse, I know the side effects of the meds I've given regularly before, mostly. Oh, well, if a headache is the worse I have, I'll be fine. I've been putting up with stupid headaches for as long as I can remember.
Well, CPrez just picked up BabyBoy and took him to school so I'm going to try to grab a little rest before I have to pick him up. I don't think I'm going to make my parenting class tonight...I hope I feel well enough for it next week because I really enjoyed it last week.
I don't know if I've said it, but I really do appreciate all the prayers, warm wishes, food, flowers, cards, friendship, companionship, donations, home repairs and gift cards. I am just so overwhelmed by the generosity of my family and friends. I know I will get through this because of all of the support you've given and I would not make it without all of you.
OK so let's see what's going on. Thank goodness my parents decided to stay an extra day to watch Ian's football game because I needed a lot of help the first couple of days after my chemo. I just felt so...drained. So now I know to line up my child care to stay on a couple of days after, which means family, right? Good thing I've got retired parents and in-laws! I'm really hoping DH will make it home in time for the next one, although I'm not sure he should go with me or stay home with the kids. Gosh, they miss him so much when he's gone! Pinup Barber's planning to go with me to my next chemo...hopefully I'll feel good enough to eat out and maybe shop a little on our downtime.
The drug handouts said my hair loss should start in three to six weeks, so I still have a little time to get a wig. Maybe Monday when BabyBoy's at school I'll go wig shopping. Hmm, I wonder what kind I should get? I have gotten so many compliments on my short hair that I'm thinking I'll get something similar to my current hairstyle but I'm sure I need to get a Dolly wig and a pink Britney wig too! I guess it just depends on how much they cost. Maybe Dolly and Britney will come from the Halloween store...oooohhh, or maybe Elvis...or a mullet? The possibilities are endless!
I guess I should at least finish the chemo story and leave Nurse Ratched for another day. I described the lovely Barnes Barracks...but I forgot to say that Mom and I forgot to stop and get something to eat before we got there. There was NOTHING nearby to eat. And Barnes is not in the nicest area of town once you get off the grounds, so we had water for dinner. Good thing we noshed at the pizza buffet, although it was long gone by breakfast the next day.
I didn't go back and read my last entry so I may repeat some stuff so please bear with me. My chemo finally got started about 2 pm, nearly four hours after I was supposed to. I was hoping to be on the road by that time. The good thing about bringing your mom with you is, well, she's your mom. She doesn't like to see you suffer or wait or hurt so she goes into Mama Grizzly mode. And apparently that instinct doesn't disappear when your child is grown and has her own kids. I was proud of her though...she was on the verge of getting mad but she held her tongue. I tried to be as patient and accommodating as possible but come on...they couldn't even find me in THEIR waiting room, sitting where THEY told me to sit, TWICE!! Ridiculous! And I almost ran off and forgot my prescriptions at the pharmacy there and the doctor's office forgot to call in the most important one! Not to mention they didn't order the lab tests I'm supposed to have pre-chemo and they had to stick me three times instead of just twice. Good thing I have good veins and the chemo nurse realized she needed to draw blood before she placed my IV, or she may have had to stick me again.
Speaking of good veins...my hand vein that they used for chemo...not my best! Next time I'm going to tell her to use my wrist vein, it's much better. My IV was right where my wrist bends and in the right because that's the side where they only took one lymph node, so it wouldn't always run and now I have a beautiful bruise. I also have a nice one going in my AC space since they stuck me there twice. Oh, well, it's my easiest vein to hit, so even a first timer ought to be able to get it.
The chemo didn't really make me feel too bad while it was going, although I did notice a couple of the common side effects during and immediately after. But all in all I felt OK and I was able to drive us home. I know Mom was nervous about the prospect of having to drive in St. Louis, but even though we left around rush hour, we really didn't have trouble getting out of town and the trip home was relatively uneventful...except for when I realized I didn't get all my meds! The gal at the pharmacy was not the friendliest and was pretty insistent that I only had three prescriptions to pick up. I was in kind of a daze so I took her word for it, but around 6 PM I figured it out. Luckily, BFF is the assistant manager at my local pharmacy so she was able to help me get it all straightened out and transferred to her pharmacy so I could get it. That is the good thing about BFF's pharmacy, they really believe in good customer service. That's why I always go there unless it's just impossible. I even paid a little higher co-pays when I was still working and had insurance because I felt the little extra I had to pay was well worth it.
We got home around 9 PM Monday night and I was feeling pretty good...good enough to put NumberOneSon in his place since he seemed to think playing video games and staying up late and not mowing the yard while I was gone was what he was supposed to do. He's a good kid so I really think it's just 13 year old irresponsibility but I needed to get my bluff in on him while I still felt like it. Steroids! Super Mom! So by the time I chewed on his ass, then called DH and texted BFF & Kondee's Mom, I was certainly wound up. So wound up that sleep didn't come till, oh, I dunno, 4 AM? Ugh! Ridiculous! Steroids!
Tuesday and Wednesday are something of a blur, I know I took the rental car back, picked up medications, dropped off Eli at school one day, visited with my parents and DH's parents before NOS's game, watched TV, read, Facebooked and Twittered, slept, ate a little, drank some water and hot tea, and was an insomniac at night. Since today was the last day of steroids I'm hoping to get some decent sleep at night if not tonight, maybe Friday and Saturday night. John's Girl came over for Girlfriends' Coffee this morning...I am so glad I have friends who are willing to come see me, do things for me, bring me food, and just generally try to cheer me up. RC brought some awesome dinner last night...it reminds me of something my mom made when I was a kid and more of those fabulous cookies!
So how am I feeling? Well, tired since I'm not sleeping very well. I'm a little nauseated so I took half an Ativan...I'm afraid to take more since I don't know how loopy it will make me and I have to pick BabyBoy up from school. CPrez's son is in my son's class so she's helping me out with transporting him to and from school. I tell you, she's just an amazing girl...she barely knows me, but she's willing to help me out. My chest hurts off and on, I don't know if it's from the boob fill or what but I called Dr. B's nurse yesterday and she was going to call in a refill on my muscle relaxer. With the stupid liver enzymes being elevated I'm pretty much off anything with Tylenol in it, so I gotta be really miserable to bust out the Vicoden. Of course, with my fragile tummy, Aleve and Motrin are not the best choices but they're all I've got. I'm just trying to make sure I eat a little something when I take them.
Sometimes I think those side effect things are not the best thing to read. I really think I have a little hypochondriac in me and when I read about a side effect, I start feeling it. So I didn't read them for a couple of days, but when I got the headache I just couldn't shake I busted them out. Of course, being a nurse, I know the side effects of the meds I've given regularly before, mostly. Oh, well, if a headache is the worse I have, I'll be fine. I've been putting up with stupid headaches for as long as I can remember.
Well, CPrez just picked up BabyBoy and took him to school so I'm going to try to grab a little rest before I have to pick him up. I don't think I'm going to make my parenting class tonight...I hope I feel well enough for it next week because I really enjoyed it last week.
I don't know if I've said it, but I really do appreciate all the prayers, warm wishes, food, flowers, cards, friendship, companionship, donations, home repairs and gift cards. I am just so overwhelmed by the generosity of my family and friends. I know I will get through this because of all of the support you've given and I would not make it without all of you.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
First chemo, part one (the part before I get to the chemo part)
I know you're just dying to hear about Nurse Ratched, part 2 (and parts 3 & 4, if I tell that many stories), but something much more monumental happened today. I had my first chemo. Only I almost didn't, and I'm glad I was thinking on my feet and had my nurse hat on this morning.
Now, if you look at the time this is posted, you will think...good grief, shouldn't she be sleeping instead of blogging in the middle of the night? Well, thanks to the miracles of modern medicine, the steroids they gave me plus the busy day have me wound up. I tried to sleep for a little while and now I'm trying to the Pooh Bear cure for insomnia...a fully tummy and an empty mind. So I've had some toast (with honey butter), I'm drinking some Sleepytime Tea, and pouring out my heart in hopes of catching a few hours of shuteye before NOS has to go to Credit Recovery an hour before school starts (don't ask).
Before my mom left when she came up to stay with the kids when I went up to St. Louis a couple of weeks ago for my allergic reaction and follow-up doctor appointments, I asked her if she would go to my first chemotherapy treatment with me. I knew DH would probably have to stay at work since he'd missed a week for my initial appointments before surgery and two weeks for my surgery and recovery. Plus I figured since she and Dad are retired they could clear up their schedule with a little less notice than most of my girlfriends. So since I knew they were coming back and in 10 days we'd be going out of town, what did I do? Well, once I started feeling better toward the end of last week, I procrastinated. Yep, that's right. Didn't give a second's thought to which car we'd drive (mine's been kinda iffy off and on), where we'd stay, rides for the kids, laundry, housecleaning, etc. I spent a couple of hours putting most the clothes away we'd washed (well, sorting them so the kids could put them away) and I'd bought a couple of things to help with organization but I didn't bother to take them out of the package, and I made a cleaning list for the kids to do Saturday. I was kind of irritated at the effort, or lack thereof, they'd been making on keeping the house somewhat neat, especially NOS. So I thought a Saturday spent doing chores instead of playing would help them remember. And off I went to help some friends move...and by "help" I mean mostly supervise, since I have a 10 pound lifting restriction. Oh well, it was nice to hang out since I really haven't gotten to in a few weeks...
So needless to say, the house was not up to my parents' exacting standards (I'm thoroughly convinced the housekeeping trait skips a generation, even if you are adopted) but it was much better than it was before. My parents arrived and we ate lunch at a pizza buffet (good thing Mom & I totally noshed, but I'll get to that later) and then I started getting ready to go. I waffled on taking my car, but after I talked to DH, he convinced me that mine might not make it there and back, and we'd be in a world of hurt if it didn't. So I talked to my GF Pinup Barber who was happy to let me borrow her much newer and nicer car. Easy, peasy, lemon...wait, not so fast. Her hubby was worried about the condition of the front tires and the nail in one of the back ones...ok, a 450ish mile round trip is probably not a good idea, then. So she came over and we started running through the list of possibilities...and the only good one seemed to be to just rent a car. So I drove a cutesy little Nissan Versa up and back...adorable and good gas mileage with lots of legroom...I may have to see if I can find something similar for myself soon.
So I got packed (forgot my glasses, my flyer for the place we were staying, my Carmex, and my eyebrow highlighter), we dropped off some paperwork at the bar and I left an unnecessarily overly detailed note of what to do with it for our day bartender, and Pinup Barber drove us to the airport to pick up the rental car. That's the bad part about leaving to go up there on Sunday...airport locations are the only one's open.
We hit the road and our trip was relatively uneventful. We got to chat about different things, some cancer-related, mostly not. It was wonderful to have so much one-on-one time with my mom this weekend. I could not tell you the last time we got to visit so much without constant interruptions. We laughed about the cruise control...every time I'd "resume" it felt like Mario Andretti took over, I mean just floored, up to over 5000 RPMs, etc. Crazy. We commented on the number of vineyards along I-44 and the seemingly never ending road construction. Finally we got to the outskirts of St. Louis and I started thinking about where I was supposed to go. I realized I hadn't brought a map with me and I wasn't 100% sure. So I called DH and he confirmed my tentative directions. Then when we got to our exit I asked Mom to get the notebook with the card for where we were staying...only it wasn't in the notebook, it was still on my baker's rack at home. So I called DH again and he Googled it and found the address and gave me some directions. Only the map he was looking at made it seem like some roads connected where they didn't, but I found it and I found where to go in and where to park.
I was kind of excited because I'd managed to score a reservation at Barnes Lodge. It was right by the hospital and for some reason I got it in my brain it was free if you were a patient. So we get in there with all our luggage (OK so there wasn't that much, it only took one trip) and the clerk hands each of us a laminated paper with information and rules on it. Both sides, fairly small print. Covers everything you can think of. And it says it's $30/night per bed. They're twin beds so that's two so that equals...$60 (no tax). OK that's not too bad, maybe more than the Motel 6 but a lot less than the Hilton. I give her the money, she makes copies of both our driver's licenses and fills out her end of the paperwork and then, she walks over to the closet and hands us our LINEN PACKET and points us to the STAIRS. Yep, that's right, we get to schlep all our luggage (OK so it was only two bags apiece plus purses, it only took one trip) upstairs and then go to our rooms and make our own beds. And get this...with two flat sheets! That's right, old school hospital corners that Mom and I learned in nursing school, nearly 30 years apart, but haven't used since because HOSPITALS USE FITTED SHEETS NOW!! At least in developed countries!!
The room managed to combine the ambiance of a Motel 6 with the comfort of a public hospital with just a touch of ancient college dorm room thrown in. Mom was a trouper, if I'd have complained at all she'd have agreed and been outta there. Blech! The beds were as cushioned as concrete, the AC made the room feel damp but it was too hot to turn it off, and the whole thing just seemed...seedy. It's what I imagine a pay-by-the-hour motel room to be like. Stay a second night? Um, no, I don't think so. I'd sleep in my car first!
We kind of slept, me better than her thanks to pharmaceuticals, and we were up early and ready to get out of there before we caught something and just get the show on the road. We were at the hospital over an hour before my lab appointment, so we had a leisurely, expensive breakfast in the hospital cafeteria. $13 for a yogurt, 2 cups of fruit, 2 coffees, and a tiny order of bacon, eggs and a biscuit and gravy. Ouch! I hope they give a good employee discount, because that seems a little spendy if you have to eat there every day.
And then we head up to the 7th floor, and that's where the fun begins! I checked in at the lab, and they gave me one of those little blinky-vibrating things like they give you when you have to wait at Chili's. It went off about 10 minutes later and the MA had no trouble drawing blood out of my ginormous AC. I'm not kidding, you could hit that thing blindfolded with one arm tied behind your back from 10 paces. We went across to the doctor's office and checked in and even though I sat where the told me to, the MA had trouble finding me.
She gets us back into the room and the hits just keep on coming. My home med list on the computer was all wrong...but only because it had all the stuff on it that was about to be prescribed...so she started deleting stuff. About half way through I figured that out and stopped her. The Dr. M's fellow came in. Nice guy, introduced himself (although I don't remember his name), asked me some questions, told me my liver enzymes on my labs two weeks ago were out of whack, examined me, and then told me no chemo today and I needed to have a CT of my chest, abdomen, and pelvis (with and without IV and PO contrast, I found out later!) before we could start chemo. He was worried that I had either liver mets or hepatitis. Even though I had NO symptoms of either. So I told him two weeks ago I was still taking a lot of pain meds, especially things with acetaminophen in them, since I wasn't jaundiced, my bili wasn't elevated and my liver was not palpable, not to mention my nodes were negative and my surgeon got clear margins, could we PERHAPS recheck labs before we do an expensive and uncomfortable test (OK so it's probably not that bad, I was just thinking about the contrast) and postpone my chemo, especially since we drove almost 4 hours!! He wasn't convinced, but when my doctor came in, I started in on her too and talked her into it!!
Guess what...when they drew labs...still elevated but trending down...big surprise! If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, quit looking for evidence it's a cow before you exhaust all possibilities it's a duck!! I was released to go back to the treatment center and get another blinky-vibrating thing, and this time, since it was over an hour past my appointment time, I got to wait much longer. Then we went to the pod, got my IV but I needed MORE LABWORK!! so she had to wait on it before she could start my chemo. Finally just before two, it got started.
And that's where I'm going to have to stop for now. Apparently the Winnie-the-Pooh cure for insomnia worked and now I can barely hold my eyes open or complete a thought.
Now, if you look at the time this is posted, you will think...good grief, shouldn't she be sleeping instead of blogging in the middle of the night? Well, thanks to the miracles of modern medicine, the steroids they gave me plus the busy day have me wound up. I tried to sleep for a little while and now I'm trying to the Pooh Bear cure for insomnia...a fully tummy and an empty mind. So I've had some toast (with honey butter), I'm drinking some Sleepytime Tea, and pouring out my heart in hopes of catching a few hours of shuteye before NOS has to go to Credit Recovery an hour before school starts (don't ask).
Before my mom left when she came up to stay with the kids when I went up to St. Louis a couple of weeks ago for my allergic reaction and follow-up doctor appointments, I asked her if she would go to my first chemotherapy treatment with me. I knew DH would probably have to stay at work since he'd missed a week for my initial appointments before surgery and two weeks for my surgery and recovery. Plus I figured since she and Dad are retired they could clear up their schedule with a little less notice than most of my girlfriends. So since I knew they were coming back and in 10 days we'd be going out of town, what did I do? Well, once I started feeling better toward the end of last week, I procrastinated. Yep, that's right. Didn't give a second's thought to which car we'd drive (mine's been kinda iffy off and on), where we'd stay, rides for the kids, laundry, housecleaning, etc. I spent a couple of hours putting most the clothes away we'd washed (well, sorting them so the kids could put them away) and I'd bought a couple of things to help with organization but I didn't bother to take them out of the package, and I made a cleaning list for the kids to do Saturday. I was kind of irritated at the effort, or lack thereof, they'd been making on keeping the house somewhat neat, especially NOS. So I thought a Saturday spent doing chores instead of playing would help them remember. And off I went to help some friends move...and by "help" I mean mostly supervise, since I have a 10 pound lifting restriction. Oh well, it was nice to hang out since I really haven't gotten to in a few weeks...
So needless to say, the house was not up to my parents' exacting standards (I'm thoroughly convinced the housekeeping trait skips a generation, even if you are adopted) but it was much better than it was before. My parents arrived and we ate lunch at a pizza buffet (good thing Mom & I totally noshed, but I'll get to that later) and then I started getting ready to go. I waffled on taking my car, but after I talked to DH, he convinced me that mine might not make it there and back, and we'd be in a world of hurt if it didn't. So I talked to my GF Pinup Barber who was happy to let me borrow her much newer and nicer car. Easy, peasy, lemon...wait, not so fast. Her hubby was worried about the condition of the front tires and the nail in one of the back ones...ok, a 450ish mile round trip is probably not a good idea, then. So she came over and we started running through the list of possibilities...and the only good one seemed to be to just rent a car. So I drove a cutesy little Nissan Versa up and back...adorable and good gas mileage with lots of legroom...I may have to see if I can find something similar for myself soon.
So I got packed (forgot my glasses, my flyer for the place we were staying, my Carmex, and my eyebrow highlighter), we dropped off some paperwork at the bar and I left an unnecessarily overly detailed note of what to do with it for our day bartender, and Pinup Barber drove us to the airport to pick up the rental car. That's the bad part about leaving to go up there on Sunday...airport locations are the only one's open.
We hit the road and our trip was relatively uneventful. We got to chat about different things, some cancer-related, mostly not. It was wonderful to have so much one-on-one time with my mom this weekend. I could not tell you the last time we got to visit so much without constant interruptions. We laughed about the cruise control...every time I'd "resume" it felt like Mario Andretti took over, I mean just floored, up to over 5000 RPMs, etc. Crazy. We commented on the number of vineyards along I-44 and the seemingly never ending road construction. Finally we got to the outskirts of St. Louis and I started thinking about where I was supposed to go. I realized I hadn't brought a map with me and I wasn't 100% sure. So I called DH and he confirmed my tentative directions. Then when we got to our exit I asked Mom to get the notebook with the card for where we were staying...only it wasn't in the notebook, it was still on my baker's rack at home. So I called DH again and he Googled it and found the address and gave me some directions. Only the map he was looking at made it seem like some roads connected where they didn't, but I found it and I found where to go in and where to park.
I was kind of excited because I'd managed to score a reservation at Barnes Lodge. It was right by the hospital and for some reason I got it in my brain it was free if you were a patient. So we get in there with all our luggage (OK so there wasn't that much, it only took one trip) and the clerk hands each of us a laminated paper with information and rules on it. Both sides, fairly small print. Covers everything you can think of. And it says it's $30/night per bed. They're twin beds so that's two so that equals...$60 (no tax). OK that's not too bad, maybe more than the Motel 6 but a lot less than the Hilton. I give her the money, she makes copies of both our driver's licenses and fills out her end of the paperwork and then, she walks over to the closet and hands us our LINEN PACKET and points us to the STAIRS. Yep, that's right, we get to schlep all our luggage (OK so it was only two bags apiece plus purses, it only took one trip) upstairs and then go to our rooms and make our own beds. And get this...with two flat sheets! That's right, old school hospital corners that Mom and I learned in nursing school, nearly 30 years apart, but haven't used since because HOSPITALS USE FITTED SHEETS NOW!! At least in developed countries!!
The room managed to combine the ambiance of a Motel 6 with the comfort of a public hospital with just a touch of ancient college dorm room thrown in. Mom was a trouper, if I'd have complained at all she'd have agreed and been outta there. Blech! The beds were as cushioned as concrete, the AC made the room feel damp but it was too hot to turn it off, and the whole thing just seemed...seedy. It's what I imagine a pay-by-the-hour motel room to be like. Stay a second night? Um, no, I don't think so. I'd sleep in my car first!
We kind of slept, me better than her thanks to pharmaceuticals, and we were up early and ready to get out of there before we caught something and just get the show on the road. We were at the hospital over an hour before my lab appointment, so we had a leisurely, expensive breakfast in the hospital cafeteria. $13 for a yogurt, 2 cups of fruit, 2 coffees, and a tiny order of bacon, eggs and a biscuit and gravy. Ouch! I hope they give a good employee discount, because that seems a little spendy if you have to eat there every day.
And then we head up to the 7th floor, and that's where the fun begins! I checked in at the lab, and they gave me one of those little blinky-vibrating things like they give you when you have to wait at Chili's. It went off about 10 minutes later and the MA had no trouble drawing blood out of my ginormous AC. I'm not kidding, you could hit that thing blindfolded with one arm tied behind your back from 10 paces. We went across to the doctor's office and checked in and even though I sat where the told me to, the MA had trouble finding me.
She gets us back into the room and the hits just keep on coming. My home med list on the computer was all wrong...but only because it had all the stuff on it that was about to be prescribed...so she started deleting stuff. About half way through I figured that out and stopped her. The Dr. M's fellow came in. Nice guy, introduced himself (although I don't remember his name), asked me some questions, told me my liver enzymes on my labs two weeks ago were out of whack, examined me, and then told me no chemo today and I needed to have a CT of my chest, abdomen, and pelvis (with and without IV and PO contrast, I found out later!) before we could start chemo. He was worried that I had either liver mets or hepatitis. Even though I had NO symptoms of either. So I told him two weeks ago I was still taking a lot of pain meds, especially things with acetaminophen in them, since I wasn't jaundiced, my bili wasn't elevated and my liver was not palpable, not to mention my nodes were negative and my surgeon got clear margins, could we PERHAPS recheck labs before we do an expensive and uncomfortable test (OK so it's probably not that bad, I was just thinking about the contrast) and postpone my chemo, especially since we drove almost 4 hours!! He wasn't convinced, but when my doctor came in, I started in on her too and talked her into it!!
Guess what...when they drew labs...still elevated but trending down...big surprise! If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, quit looking for evidence it's a cow before you exhaust all possibilities it's a duck!! I was released to go back to the treatment center and get another blinky-vibrating thing, and this time, since it was over an hour past my appointment time, I got to wait much longer. Then we went to the pod, got my IV but I needed MORE LABWORK!! so she had to wait on it before she could start my chemo. Finally just before two, it got started.
And that's where I'm going to have to stop for now. Apparently the Winnie-the-Pooh cure for insomnia worked and now I can barely hold my eyes open or complete a thought.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Nurse Ratched, part 1
Why is it that every time I'm in the hospital (for longer than an outpatient procedure) I get a Nurse Ratched? Are there that many of them or am I just that lucky? I remember my very first interaction with a NR...back when I had NumberOneSon in '97. I'd only ever been in the hospital one other time, when I was 6 and had my tonsils out. My mommy was there with me the whole time. I spilled a milkshake in my bed and ate Doritos the morning after we got home from the hospital. So I guess you could say at the ripe old age of 23, DH and I didn't really know the proper behavior for hospitalization. I think we were somehow expecting the nurses to help me get better so I could go home, not to torture us for eight hours and make the only vivid memories of an otherwise blurry vision of the days after our first child was born.
NR was working 3-11 shift on Wednesday after we had NOS on Tuesday. I was trying to do everything they told me...rooming in with the baby and nursing whenever he cried, taking my pain medicine, getting up and walking, eating whatever they brought me so they'd advance my diet (that's right, I choked down a strawberry Ensure on my full liquid tray for breakfast to make a happy plate so I'd get real food for lunch). DH changed every single diaper while we were in the hospital, we didn't use the call bell much, and generally we THOUGHT we were a model patient and family. Not to NR. Shortly after her shift began I started having severe abdominal pain and I could tell I REALLY, REALLY needed to have a bowel movement. So I got out of bed and went in the little bathroom. Couldn't go. Hurt too bad. I'd had a c-section after a 21 hour labor with two hours of pushing so I got the best of both worlds. If you don't understand what I mean by that just ask someone who's had both a natural birth and a c-section. Or e-mail me and I'll explain it. But it makes me kind of vurp just thinking about it so I just can't spell it out here. Anyway, I'm in the bathroom straining and trying really hard not to cry. DH sees how miserable I am and calls the nurses' station. NR comes in and tries to get me to just go back to bed. She offered me a Colace. I told her I was way past Colace and she said, "Well, that's the only thing you have ordered." Well then, call the doctor. I may not have been a nurse back then but I at least knew that! She leaves and comes back with the Colace. I took it, and then I told her again to call the doctor and ask for a suppository. She said, "Why don't you just give the Colace time to work?" And I said, "Listen, I don't care what you want, I want a suppository, and I'll give it to myself if you don't want to give it to me!" By this time DH was about ready to punch her, I was crying, and the baby was crying. Ms. Merry F-n Ray of Sunshine huffs off, DH picks up NOS and tries to comfort him, but all he wanted was to nurse and obviously, I was in no condition to do that. So he finds the noonie and plugs up his little piehole and pokes his head out the door to see if he can find someone, ANYONE, besides Nurse Ratched to help us. We weren't that far from the nurses' station so when he peeks out, who does he see? My doctor! Yay! He would help for sure. But now DH has a moral conundrum...his wife is on the toilet crying and she can't really take care of the baby. The baby is still fussy so if he puts him down he's gonna really cry and that's gonna make his wife feel even worse. But they told him that the baby can only be outside the room with staff and in the bassinet...what to do, what to do? He decided the best option was just to carry NOS with him (they did have matching armbands) and go talk to the doctor. He gets to the nurses' station and tells Dr. C what's going on. And then Nurse Ratched rounds the corner...and starts yelling at DH because the baby is out of the room AND out of the bassinet! HORRORS! Dr. C just glares at her and he and DH come down to the room. NR is not far behind them with my Dulcolax suppository. I told her just to give it to me and I'd take care of it myself. About half an hour later I finally pooped and felt a little better. And that, my friends, is my most vivid memory of having NOS. Not the labor, not the c-section, not the first time I saw him or held him, but Nurse Ratched and the bowel management medications.
I hope to God I have never been anyone's Nurse Ratched! And I hope that old hag was just having a bad day and didn't normally act like that. But for some reason, I kind of think that was just her sweet personality coming through.
NR was working 3-11 shift on Wednesday after we had NOS on Tuesday. I was trying to do everything they told me...rooming in with the baby and nursing whenever he cried, taking my pain medicine, getting up and walking, eating whatever they brought me so they'd advance my diet (that's right, I choked down a strawberry Ensure on my full liquid tray for breakfast to make a happy plate so I'd get real food for lunch). DH changed every single diaper while we were in the hospital, we didn't use the call bell much, and generally we THOUGHT we were a model patient and family. Not to NR. Shortly after her shift began I started having severe abdominal pain and I could tell I REALLY, REALLY needed to have a bowel movement. So I got out of bed and went in the little bathroom. Couldn't go. Hurt too bad. I'd had a c-section after a 21 hour labor with two hours of pushing so I got the best of both worlds. If you don't understand what I mean by that just ask someone who's had both a natural birth and a c-section. Or e-mail me and I'll explain it. But it makes me kind of vurp just thinking about it so I just can't spell it out here. Anyway, I'm in the bathroom straining and trying really hard not to cry. DH sees how miserable I am and calls the nurses' station. NR comes in and tries to get me to just go back to bed. She offered me a Colace. I told her I was way past Colace and she said, "Well, that's the only thing you have ordered." Well then, call the doctor. I may not have been a nurse back then but I at least knew that! She leaves and comes back with the Colace. I took it, and then I told her again to call the doctor and ask for a suppository. She said, "Why don't you just give the Colace time to work?" And I said, "Listen, I don't care what you want, I want a suppository, and I'll give it to myself if you don't want to give it to me!" By this time DH was about ready to punch her, I was crying, and the baby was crying. Ms. Merry F-n Ray of Sunshine huffs off, DH picks up NOS and tries to comfort him, but all he wanted was to nurse and obviously, I was in no condition to do that. So he finds the noonie and plugs up his little piehole and pokes his head out the door to see if he can find someone, ANYONE, besides Nurse Ratched to help us. We weren't that far from the nurses' station so when he peeks out, who does he see? My doctor! Yay! He would help for sure. But now DH has a moral conundrum...his wife is on the toilet crying and she can't really take care of the baby. The baby is still fussy so if he puts him down he's gonna really cry and that's gonna make his wife feel even worse. But they told him that the baby can only be outside the room with staff and in the bassinet...what to do, what to do? He decided the best option was just to carry NOS with him (they did have matching armbands) and go talk to the doctor. He gets to the nurses' station and tells Dr. C what's going on. And then Nurse Ratched rounds the corner...and starts yelling at DH because the baby is out of the room AND out of the bassinet! HORRORS! Dr. C just glares at her and he and DH come down to the room. NR is not far behind them with my Dulcolax suppository. I told her just to give it to me and I'd take care of it myself. About half an hour later I finally pooped and felt a little better. And that, my friends, is my most vivid memory of having NOS. Not the labor, not the c-section, not the first time I saw him or held him, but Nurse Ratched and the bowel management medications.
I hope to God I have never been anyone's Nurse Ratched! And I hope that old hag was just having a bad day and didn't normally act like that. But for some reason, I kind of think that was just her sweet personality coming through.
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